Partner didn't notice my hair

[Savedbythegym]

Aibu ? Partner of 11 years didn't notice my hair cut until days later, it wasn't just a trim we are taking from down my back to shoulder length quite a huge difference, he didn't even say sorry he just said your hair looks nice, am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed/ upset ? Fwiw I've never had my hair this short before

I'm another one that doesn't notice stuff like this. I'm always amazed when people notice that I've done something different with my appearance, I think "wow he/she is so observant" 😂

When I have my hair cut I say "DH I've had my hair cut, what do you think?". If I waited for him to notice then I'd be waiting a long time. I don't mind at all.

I still remember the time my DH had been home for a few hours and started telling me a story. He said "so then I went to the barbers" and my eyes instinctively shot up to his hair. He stopped mid-flow and said "and yes, I just noticed you checking my hair". We both laughed it off. He has very thick curly hair that he lets grow then cuts really short so it should be obvious but not to me. It also took me a few hours to realise he'd shaved his beard off during lockdown. I knew immediately that something was different but couldn't figure it out.

Also it could be that it really suits you so looking at it looks like that's the way it's meant to be?

But your updated post does sound like he's losing interest and you are trying. Maybe suggest couples counseling?

This is one of the reasons I miss working in a real office with other women. Then someone would always notice my new haircut and tell me it looked good.

He’s just thinking “she looks different/good” without being able to place why.

Do you think his not wanting a babysitter and go out could be related to the pandemic OP? I think lots of people are feeling a bit low and can't be arsed. Definitely have a chat with him.

@Katekarate nope not the pandemic he's due to go to a big football game in august xx

Why do women get so worked up about their man noticing their new haircut? The rest of the time we're supposed to not care what you look like.

From down your back to shoulder length isn't really that different though, it's still long hair, just a bit less long. I probably wouldn't notice that particularly.

Me and my Dad had a pact to point out my Mum's haircuts as we never noticed them. Just unobservant. I also can't recognise cars and often have people surprised I haven't noticed a new car.
I don't find these things interesting and though try as I know other people do find it hard!

I usually wear jeans but I bought myself a floral maxi skirt and have been swishing about in it for two days. It's insanely pretty.

DP hasn't said a word. I'm thinking of moving out and seeing if he notices that.

Maybe he reads mn and knows he should never ever ever comment on someone's appearance

I always worry that I could do this and fail to notice something like a new haircut.

A few years ago my DH shaved off the moustache he had had for decades. It was the next day before I twigged and we just laughed about it.

I never notice that either.
I have a short french bob so everything from shoulder length to longer is the same for me.

My ex partner was able to say if someone had new glasses, I've always been amazed by this ability.

It wouldn't upset me, some people,especially men. don't notice anything, even when there is a big change of some thing or other.

I think you have bigger problems than him not noticing your hair.

You have several ways to deal with this. You could have a conversation with him about how upsetting you are finding it that he is willing to put effort into football, both on screen and going to games, but not into anything that involves you. You could organise an activity for the 2 of you, if he declines to join in then see if you can find someone else to go out with. You can bring some interest into your own life, with hobbies or activities and just get on with making your own life fulfilling.

Each one has its own risks re the relationship. Personally I would try them in order, conversation, then trying to organise some joint activities and if they both failed make my own life more interesting and at some point in the future decide if I wanted him in my life or not.

If I go to the hairdressers my dh says ‘who are you?’ He gets dds to join in too. ‘Mummy, we didn’t recognise you!’ But, I tell my dh I’m going to the hairdressers, so he is forewarned.

My hair went from black to ashy blonde a few years ago, my dh says he doesn't remember.

But it's concerning if he's not wanting to spend time with you.

My husband is always (it seems to me) chiding me because I didn't notice that he got his hair cut three weeks ago and things like that. I also can't remember how many years we were married. Or where the keys are. I do love him, though.

@Coulddowithanap

I don't notice things like that Might be a while before I notice if one of my sisters has their hair cut or died. Sometimes I feel something is different but can't work out what it is. Never notice if my husband has his hair cut.

Don't think it's worth leaving him for not saying anything!

dyed.... i hope

@Orf1abc

Might be a while before I notice if one of my sisters has their hair cut or died.

Now that would be concerning!

Hair cut or died 🤣 oh my gosh

@Savedbythegym, this is about your relationship, and I feel for you as you sound sad.

There is a Relationships board on here you might be better posting in, as AIBU isn't usually the place for relationship advice, especially as a lot of posters will just see 'haircut' and make a joke or off-the-cuff remark, without reading all your subsequent posts that give a greater context.

My husband often shaves most of his beard off and it often takes me a day or two to notice.

We laugh about it.

When DS1 was a few months old I went from waist length hair to a short bob. Visited my DM and after a couple of hours she looked a bit shocked and just said 'your hair!'. She was too busy cooing over DS1 to look at me! Maybe your DP was also distracted or maybe the change wasn't obvious enough from the front?

I wouldn't really care if DH noticed my hair cut or not, it isn't what I need from our relationship. That said I find the idea that you don't communicate basic things like 'oh I'm going to the hairdresser later/tomorrow/whenever' quite odd.