AIBU to think some people are precious and quite self indulged about their birthdays?

[ItsAllGettingReallyTediousNow]

I’ve never understood why some adults get very upset when their birthday is not acknowledged on a carnival level. I’d be upset if my parents, DH or DC forgot or my siblings didn’t send me a card, but that’s it. I’ve seen some real diva behaviour surrounding birthdays.

For example, my SIL once had a massive strop and banned my MIL from visiting us around her birthday as she wouldn’t be there for hers. She’s a middle age woman. That meant MIL wasn’t invited to my DC’s birthday parties when they were young as their birthdays are days apart and PIL would have had to stay over.

A few months ago my friend announced on SM that birthdays are so important and that she was throwing a big 50th bash and we all had to come to her party and stay the weekend. She didn’t even acknowledge mine, despite others on SM doing so and so I reckon she had turned off my notifications. I said something along the lines of, “yes I know, was my 50th back in March”, and she’s not contacted me since as obviously it was a pop at her.

Finally, the worst one is my MIL. For her birthday she expects weekends away, joint holidays, days out at least, a present and a massive fuss. She expects phone call after phone call acknowledging her birthday from extended family. However when it comes to her own DH, DC or DGC, she does nothing. I’ve rarely had a card off her, never a present. I used to indulge her, thinking she’d catch on that this works both ways, but it didn’t, so I stopped indulging her and she takes massive offence from the perceived slight.

So, what is it about some people that they think their birthdays are really special, but no one else’s are? AIBU?

I voted YANBU however it sounds a bit like you are jealous of the attention other people get and that you don’t, you have related all examples back to your own birthday.

I've never cared about birthdays so just can't understand why others do. We live in a very self-absorbed culture.

It seems part of the trend to upscale events. So expectations are raised and then sometimes dashed.

I understand childrens birthdays and 18 and 21st parties as they are milestones in a young persons life but not after that. Maybe it’s for the SM aspect?

Yes, but I think I have a chip on my shoulder from having a January 4th birthday- no one cares/is broke after Christmas/is on a diet of off alcohol. So years and years of not being made a fuss of 😂

I don’t care really now I’m older. A friend of mine has a ‘birthday week’ even though she’s 37 which I always thought was ridiculous.

I agree, some people are ridiculously precious about their birthdays but I'm not in the slightest bit jealous. I have no interest in OTT celebrations, why would that make me jealous?

Birthdays weren't a big deal when I was a child (I'm 63) and remained that way for me. The level of self-indulgence that goes into some people's is quite astonishing.

YABU to not invite your MIL to your DC’s parties because of SIL’s sulking, and YABU to write passive aggressive comments to your friend after she has invited you to her party You sound a bit of a child OP.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have one day a year when people make a fuss of you. However, your in-laws sound crackers. Who ‘bans’ their mother from visiting a family member on their birthday?

Mine low key as January. It can be one sided though big fuss for friends then yours is overlooked. I only buy for 40th and 50th now as circle too big

Those who demanded I called I didn't bother. Yes they had a strop about it, but not my problem and they got the message that I don't do things to placate other people. If I want to congratulate people I do because I want to not because of some daft expectations or obligations.

Go on with what @DanniDuck ?

I really don't care about any of that stuff. You know that not everyone is the same surely. I have absolutely no desire or need for attention or being showered with gifts. Quite the opposite in fact, my idea of torture

Yes, I find this really self indulgent too. My family would happily do this if I wanted it, but I simply don't expect this much fuss because I'm turning 36 or whatever.

In my friendship group birthdays are usually marked by a suggestion of drinks in the pub, or perhaps a relatively inexpensive meal (pizza etc) with 3 or close friends. Alternatively my siblings and I would try to get together for a low key bbq or the like, but events tend to get combined, so if there are 3 birthdays in one month there'll just be one get together tokenistically celebrating them all.

I have one friend who wants/expects 3 or 4 quite significant events for every single birthday she has, e.g a big expensive meal with her immediate family, plus a large party with extended family, drinks with work colleagues, and a big meal out with 12 or more friends. She also has quite big expectations of lavish gifts, gets grumpy if her DH doesn't spend a minimum of £500 etc.

I'm the sort of person that tells DH I'll have the new cupboard we had put in the kitchen for my birthday and not to get me anything on top, so I find it all quite ott tbh

I'm a bit precious about mine and no one ever made an effort for me in childhood.

My sister got musicals, days out, god knows what. I got nothing arranged. Unequal treatment in childhood really stays with you.

I like to make up for it.

I hear you OP. My DM has a December birthday, and as a child would receive combined birthday/Christmas presents. For that I do have sympathy. 70 years later and the offenders all long dead, however, she's still punishing her own family with sulks and tantrums should even the tiniest detail of The Birthday not go to exact plan. for you OP, it's like dealing with a stroppy toddler.

YANBU, I like to go to a spa by myself then have a quiet evening. I don’t care much for presents, I buy what I want for myself, I don’t particularly like things I’m meh about cluttering up my living space.

BUT I get that we all care about things and therefore for some people it may be a very important event which for them signals love from their nearest and dearest. However I would expect those people to show the same level of interest in others as they demand from themselves.

I have two friends like this. One rationalised it as she is single and therefore doesn't get a fuss made over her any other day of the year. This year was a big birthday and she had a birthday month as opposed to her usual birthday week.

Once she organised a birthday lunch out and got so cross when loads of people couldn't make it. This year it fell on a work day and she expected people to take the day off work.

I think I'd actually like a bit more of a fuss made about me for my birthday so maybe I am jealous.

I don’t think I am jealous. I think it’s childish. Also, I don’t think extended family indulge them out of love. I think they do it because they know they’ll get hit by a toy as it leaves the pram. Also, I’d actually be embarrassed if everyone sat round giving me presents and singing happy birthday. I’m not 4.

I think birthdays are an excuse for my DC and DH to show they care, but more of an intimate day between me and my parents, remembering the day they brought me into the world.

Yes I hear you! It's when people proclaim 'its my birthday week'. You get a day! You're not the queen of Sheba, well done for being born. Goes hand in hand with people and their all consuming wedding events - 3 hen weekends and a year of bending over backwards to accommodate their every whim because it's their special time. Nah, off you pop. 👎

Mines is 6 jan and I never got a fuss either. Wonder if that's why I'm so anti-fuss as an adult. 🤔

You say you’re not jealous but this does sound more like it’s you being nose out of joint about people not making enough fuss of your birthdays. Otherwise you wouldn’t bring up how you’ve been overlooked, twice. Or posted about your 50th as an apparent pop at your friend.

If you really didn’t care you wouldn’t care.

Also fine to say you only expect effort from your husband and kids, but not everyone has either and having their friends celebrate them for one day a year means a lot.

I'd say people expecting what they don't give out are cfs! However, I also think if someone does want to do an extravagant affair about their birthday or want a bit of attention, then that's up to them. Let people do what they want. If these people who do not reciprocate but expect lots on their days, just ignore it all. Simple as that.

I do like my birthday to be noticed by immediate family (as I always do theirs as I love to make a fuss of them) we are talking my partner, mum and sis. But anyone else is a bonus and I'm grateful if they do. And I always return the gestures as I believe it's a kind thing to do.