AIBU to think some people are precious and quite self indulged about their birthdays?

[ItsAllGettingReallyTediousNow]

I’ve never understood why some adults get very upset when their birthday is not acknowledged on a carnival level. I’d be upset if my parents, DH or DC forgot or my siblings didn’t send me a card, but that’s it. I’ve seen some real diva behaviour surrounding birthdays.

For example, my SIL once had a massive strop and banned my MIL from visiting us around her birthday as she wouldn’t be there for hers. She’s a middle age woman. That meant MIL wasn’t invited to my DC’s birthday parties when they were young as their birthdays are days apart and PIL would have had to stay over.

A few months ago my friend announced on SM that birthdays are so important and that she was throwing a big 50th bash and we all had to come to her party and stay the weekend. She didn’t even acknowledge mine, despite others on SM doing so and so I reckon she had turned off my notifications. I said something along the lines of, “yes I know, was my 50th back in March”, and she’s not contacted me since as obviously it was a pop at her.

Finally, the worst one is my MIL. For her birthday she expects weekends away, joint holidays, days out at least, a present and a massive fuss. She expects phone call after phone call acknowledging her birthday from extended family. However when it comes to her own DH, DC or DGC, she does nothing. I’ve rarely had a card off her, never a present. I used to indulge her, thinking she’d catch on that this works both ways, but it didn’t, so I stopped indulging her and she takes massive offence from the perceived slight.

So, what is it about some people that they think their birthdays are really special, but no one else’s are? AIBU?

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Yes, but I think I have a chip on my shoulder from having a January 4th birthday- no one cares/is broke after Christmas/is on a diet of off alcohol. So years and years of not being made a fuss of 😂

I don’t care really now I’m older. A friend of mine has a ‘birthday week’ even though she’s 37 which I always thought was ridiculous.

That's nothing. My SIL talks about her 'birthday month' with a completely straight face and genuinely thinks she is being helpful by circulating a wedding registry-style gift list in the months leading up to it

I always make a huge fuss of my friends and loved ones on their birthdays. Spoiling people brings me joy and people respond in kind. It’s fine for you to not want a fuss but you really should understand that we are not all the same.

Birthdays are important, what's so wrong with celebrating a person's existence and making them feel cared for

Well I love celebrating my birthday! I love picking nice things to do or where to go eat etc but I am absolutely "in charge" of my own day and I don't expect other people to independently give a shit - I invite people to come out or over or whatever because it's my birthday, not at all bothered about birthdays but am ridiculously pleased about anything that I might get (a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine are ALWAYS appreciated)

I don't think your examples are unreasonable at all. But I also don't think there's anything self-indulgent, spoilt or entitled about enjoying your own birthday. Or being upset if it's ignored.

My DH has just had a milestone birthday. On the day the only cards he received were from me and our DC. I think FIL phoned the day before, the rest of his family have not acknowledged it. I was pretty gutted on his behalf!

Well two things can be true at once: your in-laws can be absolutely bat-shit birthday crazy; and people can have a fuss on their birthdays if they want. I definitely fall into the second camp - I like a fuss, never got it as a child (early Jan birthday) and now make sure it happens as an adult. However, I would never behave like your ILs.

I never understood it, either. Turned 60 last year, and only DH and DS really cared. A card from closest friend. I am always surprised to hear co-workers say they are taking the day off for their birthday. Adults. Whatever. Most of my co-workers don’t have any idea when it’s my birthday and I wouldn’t expect them to.

I always spoil my loved ones on their birthdays and make a big fuss of myself on mine. I dont expect others to bother with mine though but it's just an excuse to have a day or two doing some of the things I've been wanting to do for a while but haven't got round to due to being busy.

I like to spend the day with my dc and my Sister and her family. Sometimes as a day out but not always.

I wouldnt want a big party for a birthday ending in 0. But I dont like fuss and being centre of attention,

I guess everyone like something different

In a word, yes. If it's not a notable birthday then I can't make too much of a thing of them.

I agree op!
I was most surprised when one nct lady said very matter of fact "every Xmas Dec gets stripped down on boxing day early am for dh bday"..

What planet are we on that a grown man can't cope with Xmas Dec's on his bday

Poor kids!! "

Most people I know in RL would mark their birthday in some way - going out with friends or having a meal with family, or possibly a party or weekend away for a milestone birthday.

Yesterday I went out for drinks for a work colleagues birthday.
On MN if you want more than a Tesco value or card factory card and a bag of pork scratchings you are being an entitled diva!!

I always plan lots of treats for myself on my birthday, a party for a big birthday and a 5 star mini break with a whole day of lovely activities for all my other birthdays (except for this year). I like to be made a fuss off because I’m worth it. Some of my friends wait around for their DH’s to plan something for them and then say they want no presents and moan when they get none.

YANBU, I find it really childish and self-obsessed when adults expect everyone to make a huge fuss of their birthdays. I always make sure to do something nice on my birthday with DH, but don’t expect anyone else to give a shit.

My MIL always expects massive acknowledgment of her birthday and starts talking about it months in advance. She turned 60 a few years back and literally had 12 months of celebrations including parties, multiple meals out and 3 holidays. Every occasion got turned into a pseudo celebration of MIL, including a meal that I booked for my own DMs birthday.

I like a low key birthday , I recently had a significant birthday and requested a takeaway , some cupcakes from Lola's and various fabric for sewing. But that's just me , if others are comfortable with all eyes on them and want to get dressed up for multiple events that's okay too. Other people's birthday celebrations can be really fun.

I like other people's birthdays. Not fussed about my own. But it's nice to have a reason and a focus to have fun and make someone feel special for a day or so

@DanniDuck - not really, I just find it really cringey to demand that everyone celebrate you rather than letting them do it off their own backs.

I’m basically with you OP. The last thing in the world I would want is any form of fuss for my birthday. When it was my 40th I didn’t even mention it at work, because it’s not important to me at all. I get it is to others- you do you, etc. But jealousy or ‘bitterness’ isn’t the same as genuinely not caring much. I don’t want gifts, or a party, or fuss, and I’m not a hugely unusual person I don’t think.

Yes it is easy for me to think that as I don't like my own and celebrate quietly if at all.

Mine today I’ve had dvds (on order from the states) royal wedding dvds which are treasured. Mug,, coaster phone cover and a t shirt for bedtime with my crush all over it, crayfish chocolate I couldn’t be happier, just watching royal family programmes all night.

I know someone in their late forties who has a birthday week. Each to their own but I find it a bit odd.
I hate my birthday. Always makes me feel sad and feel off all day. It's unbelievable how quickly the years go by and kind of depressing.

Any adult who expects a huge fuss from people outside their immediate family for every birthday rather than just new decades is a bit of a self obsessed twat in my experience. Especially those who barely acknowledge others’ birthdays but expect everyone to go out for dinner, pay for their own meal plus the birthday person, buy gifts etc. You’re 37 ffs, have a takeaway at home with your family and go for a few drinks with your friends (self funded!), don’t expect the trouping of the colour.