To be furious?

[Chewythedog]

My DH has always been keen on sport. I didn’t realise how obsessed he was until we were several kids down the line. He used to play football and cricket but knocked it on the head when we first started seeing each other as we lived a distance apart.

He’s hyper mobile and in his teens injured his knee playing football. He went back to it when we had our first two kids. Then followed a bad injury, physio apparently said he could go back and low and behold another injury. I said no more. We have two kids with special needs. Both are quite challenging. He’s stuck to the gym and another non sport hobby until…

Then his friend arranged an older blokes casually football team. Once again he decided he’d play and if I’d said no he’d have gotten moody. Then last night he rang me from a&e. He’d done something to his archiles tendon. He’s now in a boot with crutches. He can do nothing apart from lay on the sofa. We go on holiday next week. I’ve always said due to his hyper mobility and issues with his legs in particular running and sports where you are running wouldn’t be brilliant for him. I’m furious. I’m sick of what feels like his selfishness that his need to do sport overrides sense. He has never had an injury except when involved in football.

Should say unreasonable not responsible

He once said if he didn’t get to do the things he’d enjoy he’d end up resenting me so I’ve always tried to let him do what suits and I don’t press him on paperwork for our kids as he doesn’t tend to want to get involved.

[quote Chewythedog]@VickyEadieofThigh, he has done football golf with a friend before. But it doesn’t seem to have the competitive element of football. Like I say I’m okay with him having hobbies I’m just sick of the injuries that always come from playing football and the impact it has on my life.[/quote]
Walking football is non-contact. I will add that I have played walking netball and it was very fast!

YANBU on the timing - he shouldn't have played with the holiday so close.

YABU on the general principle though. 10% of the population is hyper-mobile. Exercise is more important for them than the rest of us, not less. He is much more likely to end up injured if he doesn't exercise regularly, to maintain muscle mass and flexibility, than if he does. Football is not a particularly high-risk sport for an Achilles injury, so he has been unlucky.

I’d be cancelling the holiday. It might make him consider the impact these things have on you in the future.

Of course yanbu
He’s played a sport against drs advice and ads result you are effectively a single parent to two children with AN with a holiday to manage. I’d be furious too

YANBU at all. What an inconsiderate man child.

"I didn’t realise how obsessed he was until we were several kids down the line"

Given you would also have been dating for a few yrs prior to children, that is a lot of time not to really know yr husband. 10 yrs ?

"I did forbid him to do anything".
This would make me feel suffocated and controlled. I personally would not allow anyone to forbid me from making my own choices. I appreciate you both have high needs children but equally you should both be free to explore and enjoy yr hobbies and a life away from the family from time to time.

Yanbu at all. He is extremely selfish. He has 2 kids with SN and hobbies need to come AFTER his responsibilities. He has a hobby, sport and gym. That more than most people, let alone someone who needs to pull his weight at home.

Yanbu

I’m so tired of seeing so many men (including my dh) treating their sporting hobbies like a sacrosanct holy activity that somehow trumps everything else.

He needs to be up from the sofa and using the crutches. No point lounging around now and then having to work through the problems of crutches on the holiday. I wouldn't be running around after him getting him drinks and stuff, I'd help him carry things. He can still out the children to bed, help them get dressed etc.

But I'm probably biased as I'm a single parent with health issues, needed crutches at times, had limbs in plaster and have had to find ways of doing things.

@girl71 that was a typo. I’ve never said no to anything he wants to do. He’s his own person and free to do as he wish as long as things fit with us and the kids. I was worried he’d get another injury playing but I waved him off to his twice weekly matches and said nothing about my reservations. So I’m not controlling. I like to think I’m fair given the level of responsibility I have.

Funnily enough over the 10 years in the last few years it has got worse. He’s always watching sport or checking it on his phone but I think he’s struggled with life with the kids and family life in general. He had a very easy existence before we met. I do the caring, sort the house and the kids but he’s not very good with stress and is very short tempered.

@girlmom21 Maybe she would take one child and hubby the other child. My hubby and I are a United team and is only way to survive being a parent of a child with severe special needs and I'm pretty certain any stranger who questions difficulty of parenting a SN child or children is quite mean spirited-try walking a mile

"I don’t have any friends (this sounds really pathetic) but because of the kids it has been really hard to keep friends because I’ve just not been able to go out or the kids couldn’t cope with the day our planned.".

This is the real issue here. Your DH has been able to maintain his friendships and hobbies. You need to prioritise yr friendships and hobbies too. Let DH care for the children on the nights you see your friends or partake of a hobby /sport away from the home. His injury will heal and you can get back out there.

Why are you with someone who is lazy and has a short temper? No it's not easy doing it alone when you have sen children but not like he's very hands on anyway.

@EKGEMS I haven't questioned the difficulty of anything.

I expressed an opinion. You challenged that and I responded to your challenge. As I've said, I simply can't walk a mile as I don't know the OP's situation...

@girl71, my lack of social life isn’t the issue for me. I don’t resent my husband for going out. I want him to do things he enjoys. I’m annoyed that next week I have to take our three kids on holiday and our two with Sen I will struggle with safety wise because I’ll be the only adult.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow yes exercise is very important but it must be the right kind of exercise. Both my doctor and the doctor of a hypermobile friend told us freestyle running is risky for us and football has a lot of freestyle running with stops and starts. Cross-trainer is fine because the machine keeps your knees and feet aligned, and we must keep muscles around the loose ligaments strong.

Op, 7 children, some of whom are SN are , as you know, are hard work. It is important to make and have time to yourself. You now need to look at making your own self time. Your DH is using sport as his release, you need to find your own release away from the home. He has made time for him, you make time for you.

@Canigooutyet honestly? I’ve questioned it a lot in the last few years. I’ve talked to him about his temper as I don’t like challenging him because he can be quite difficult. I suppose it gives stability for the kids having both of us in one house.

@girl71, you’re right but I would prefer my DH to stick to his hobbies that aren’t football. But yes I do have to think about reclaiming something for myself.

"I’m annoyed that next week I have to take our three kids on holiday and our two with Sen I will struggle with safety wise because I’ll be the only adult".

I understand that. If it will be impossible for you , then cancel or postpone. Not ideal i understand, but these things happen. It is bad timing but neither you or your DH can put your day to day lives on hold for something that may or may not happen. This accident is bad timing.

I have seen you are referring to your DH shouting. I am unclear from yr posts what is going on there. It looks like you are both dealing with a lot. You also mention the children needing you both around. Clearly there is more at play here.

Definitely take some time for yourself moving forward, while DH stays with kids. Equally, allow him his time. You have a large family and time for yourselves is important.

YANBU, OP. He's being selfish. he has children now and a wife and he has to remember that when he chooses his 'hobbies'.

I have physical issues (that would be outing to go into on here) that means some of my much loved activities can leave me out of action for days if I do them. I have a husband and children who need me to do things for and with them, so I don't do those activities any more. I do different activities. yes, things can still go wrong, but it's not because I'm being a selfish idiot.

Is ask him what care arragements he is going to be making for the kids.

Once is an accident, at this point he needs a plan for if/when things go wrong...tht doesn't fall to you. Let him solve the problem.

In a boot with crutches he can definitely do more than lie on the sofa! When DH broke his leg in multiple places after a day or two of getting over the pain he would still do quite a few things. He used to do all the ironing sitting down and took all the bits onto the table so he could make cold meals sitting down. If we were having a hot meal he would still do all the veggies sitting at the table. He played multiple board games and did jigsaws etc with the kids and we moved the xbox into the dining room so he could sit and play that with the kids as well. No slacking off especially not for a 'self inflicted' injury.