To be furious?

[Chewythedog]

My DH has always been keen on sport. I didn’t realise how obsessed he was until we were several kids down the line. He used to play football and cricket but knocked it on the head when we first started seeing each other as we lived a distance apart.

He’s hyper mobile and in his teens injured his knee playing football. He went back to it when we had our first two kids. Then followed a bad injury, physio apparently said he could go back and low and behold another injury. I said no more. We have two kids with special needs. Both are quite challenging. He’s stuck to the gym and another non sport hobby until…

Then his friend arranged an older blokes casually football team. Once again he decided he’d play and if I’d said no he’d have gotten moody. Then last night he rang me from a&e. He’d done something to his archiles tendon. He’s now in a boot with crutches. He can do nothing apart from lay on the sofa. We go on holiday next week. I’ve always said due to his hyper mobility and issues with his legs in particular running and sports where you are running wouldn’t be brilliant for him. I’m furious. I’m sick of what feels like his selfishness that his need to do sport overrides sense. He has never had an injury except when involved in football.

I understand how you feel OP. My EXH was a keen footballer but had no concept of being cautious and just got injured again and again; he's a tradesman so crutches = no work and no work = no pay.

Time and again I was left to support both of us for weeks at a time because he couldn't possibly give up 5-a-side

It's one of many reasons he's my ex-husband.

Can you take someone else on holiday with you and leave him at home to recover?

It doesn't sound like it will be much of a holiday for you if he goes and can do nothing!

Yanbu, I’d be furious too!

Please find someone else to go on holiday with, are there any family members that could go? I would leave him at home on his own!!

If you have to cancel Then arrange a holiday away by yourself (no kids) for when he's better. He can stay home and mind the kids whilst you have a little break!

He might be OK next week. My husband snapped his achilles tendon but was all right in a few days (for normal activity).

If you have booked somewhere you can cancel because of his injury, and claim on travel insurance. We had to do that one year and it didn't take long to get the money back, minus a bit of excess.

Then you book something else for later.

You must remember your husband didn't intend to be injured and if he likes sport, there's no reason why he shouldn't play. I think hobbies outside of the home are good for both parents unless they take them away from home too often.

@Chewythedog

If it was just him and me I wouldn’t care. But it’s our kids. He’s not keen to stay at home but as we’re due to go camping in Scotland and we’ve gone quite rural as the kids struggle with crowds I don’t know how he’d actually manage.

How does he say he will manage and also not be a burden to you?

PS I see you have booked a camping holiday. No doubt you took out travel insurance for that.

It's disappointing but not the end of the world. For all you know you could fall and sprain your ankle and your wrist tomorrow.

@Maggiesfarm that is reassuring. I have absolutely no issue with him doing things he loves but this one hobby has resulted injury and I’m worried that as he’s had knee surgery before not to mention several injuries to his legs that have occurred purely through football that he could end up doing himself an injury that leaves him disabled.

@Pingued he hasn’t exactly explained that yet given that at the moment he’s not able to move off the sofa and hasn’t helped at all.

We’ve got insurance but our kids are very excited. The two with Sen wouldn’t understand why we’d changed our plans as we’ve preparing them for the last month about the change of routine.

Yanbu OP

It’s pure selfishness knowing that if he gets injured, you’re there to pick up the pieces.

It doesn’t matter if he loves these hobbies. He should be putting his family first

Unbelievably selfish.

God almighty what a selfish waster.

You poor woman.

I have NEVER heard of woman having hobbies which they get injured and are on the bloody sofa having to rest but football is notorious for it.
Knee and ankle injuries being a speciality 🙄.

I would give him zero help, sympathy or attention OP.

Let him get on with it.

I certainly don't think he should go camping with you and I don't think you should go on your own.
So his selfishness has ruined the family holiday.
Can you visit family?

@Maggiesfarm, I appreciate accidents happen. I could be at the shop tomorrow and trip and break my wrist. I think it’s more the fact that he is partaking again in a hobby where he has been frequently injured. Like I’ve said he has other hobbies but he lives for football. If he’s not playing it, he’s watching it. He plays twice a week and does his other hobbies the other evenings a week. If he’d injured himself whilst out walking I’d be more sympathetic but I feel like he’s gone into something knowing he is more likely to get injured than his team mates and I end up paying the price as the care of our children then falls to me. I’ve always accommodated his hobbies because I want him to be happy.

so fuck him being able to ever do something he enjoys because he happens to have a medical condition?

Well yes, that's life sometimes. One of my DD's would absolutely love scuba diving, but since she has narcolepsy it's too dangerous. It sucks, but that's life.

@Chewythedog I'd be livid in your shoes as well. Ask him what he's planning to do about the holiday - see if he has any bright ideas to rescue it or if he's just planning leaving it all to you.

I don’t have any friends (this sounds really pathetic) but because of the kids it has been really hard to keep friends because I’ve just not been able to go out or the kids couldn’t cope with the day our planned. His family are selfish and don’t bother with us. My parents are both very old and quite frail. Both have health conditions and struggle with the kids and keeping them safe. Both are runners and with no sense of danger. I know they’d come if I asked though so maybe that’s an option.

He's acting as if he's a single man with no responsibilities at the end of the day. He doesn't think of poor OP who has to pick up his slack if he's injured, or his kids. It's all about what he wants and he needs.

It would be a game over for me, sorry.

If you had a hobby or interest that put you at risk and left someone else to pick up the pieces of the joint responsibilities you had and you put that first thats damn selfish and your partner has every right to complain and be furious.

If this was someone who engaged in a high risk sport like rock climbing and was repeatedly getting injuries that incapacitated them, I am pretty sure there would be a different set of responses here. The fact its football seems to garner a different set of replies though and excuse the selfishness.

If you have kids with special needs you don't have the freedom to indulge yourself in the same way as others might have, thats the problem. Its not recognising responsbility and then dumping on someone else in a repeating pattern. Once or even twice is fair enough, but thats not the case in this situation. Its the third occasion and the OP makes the point that she didn't tell him he couldn't do it, because he would get upset about her trying to control him.

She has every right to be extremely upset at yet another reoccurance because man can not engage brain.

I think YANBU. I'm very hypermobile too and it can be a pain in the ass doing what needs to be done to keep it in check and stay off pain meds - basically committed yoga and strength training, swimming for cardio. Cross-trainer is good; running freestyle bad. But I keep to it because I know I'll mess my back up again if I don't (I've torn ligaments and had disclocations before - 0/10 would not reccommend). So I do tend to think its something you put up with and manage, much like any other chronic issue, and avoid the things that could well put you out of commission, particularly when you have significant responsibilities coming up. But then again, I hate ball games. Maybe if I loved them I'd say YABU and he should be allowed to do what he loves - but probably not. When you have dependants you're obliged to them to take care of your body as best you can.

I hope it all works out op.

It's sad that you don't have close friends but I understand why and sympathise.

Try and think of some fun things that your children will enjoy if you can't go away next week.

I don't know what to say about your husband, especially as he so very keen on football. Professional footballers are often injured and can't play for a while but you rarely hear of them having an injury which disables them.

I suppose he has to weigh it up for himself and maybe find another, less dangerous, outlet for his enthusiasm. We all have to make compromises, especially when we have a family.

Life is seldom straightforward.

All the best.

What a selfish man her is.

You mention that he plays football twice a week and goes out other evenings for hobbies? Do you get time to go and do something too @Chewythedog?

@girlmom21 I'm curious-why do you think the @Chewythedog judgement is skewed but yours isn't? After reading all her updates have you got a rebuttal? My hubby and I have had to schedule our elective surgical procedures with our severely disabled son to school time if possible to keep him occupied and I can't imagine two to care for.

@Stath

What a selfish man her is.

You mention that he plays football twice a week and goes out other evenings for hobbies? Do you get time to go and do something too @Chewythedog?

He sounds like such a selfish pig. Poor OP.

This is why God invented walking football.

Between the kids and work to be honest I’m exhausted. If I was really honest I’d say I feel like I’ve lost my ability to socialise or how to socialise. When the kids were little they couldn’t handle toddler groups and I often found myself alone at the park. They both attend a specialist school now so we don’t see any other parents as they both go in a taxi. My interests have been quite solitary but I do enjoy hiking but we’re not near enough any decent hikes and it feels selfish to take weekends out to do that. Evenings are tricky as it takes my youngest 3 hours to go to sleep. My mum is always saying I need to take something up to get out. At the moment I just feel a little worn down by day to day life.

@EKGEMS I don't need a rebuttal but i think she's being incredibly dramatic, however I don't know her personal situation or what her children's needs are.

The fact she says their children need 1:1 care so can't be in another room, but that they have 2 children who need 1:1 care and who are capable of going camping in a remote area raises eyebrows for me but I'm not here to question her on that.

I think his injuries are being exaggerated - maybe that's by her or maybe it's by him. He's capable of getting around on one foot. If he's choosing to be lazy then she's not responsible but I still think he shouldn't have to stop playing football if it's the one thing he loves.

@VickyEadieofThigh, he has done football golf with a friend before. But it doesn’t seem to have the competitive element of football. Like I say I’m okay with him having hobbies I’m just sick of the injuries that always come from playing football and the impact it has on my life.