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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out every two weeks?

69 replies

Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:10

Hi just wondering for opinions. I’m a single mum, I work part time and am also studying at uni . Recently things have been opening up and I’ve been out every other weekend with friends, it may be for lunch or for an actual night out for drinks. My sister watches my kids and her kids play with mine. I obviously spend a majority of my time with my kids, I make sure we always do fun little treats and twice when I went out they were with their dad. He’s a bit wishy washy with having them but he’s told me he’s not happy me palming them off every other weekend to go to their aunties.

It’s honestly not like that but I don’t have any other family to help and I watch her kids. I’m 28 and sometimes I need to just let my hair down and enjoy myself. I should add it’s not planned every two weeks I decide I need to go out but rather these events have happened every two weeks. Like for the whole of the 6 weeks I have nothing but kid stuff planned

OP posts:
ShaneTheThird · 23/07/2021 21:11

Wtf has your ex got to do with it? He has absolutely no say on how you live your life as long as your kids are happy and well cared for. Going out once a fortnite is normal and healthy. You have a life as well.

Original poster
Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:13

I don’t know he’s controlling a bit? He just thinks I should spend my time with the kids. But I honestly do, I do everything for them obviously but he just wants to pass judgement on what I’m doing. Even though with all his free time he doesn’t think to have them

OP posts:
Biscusting · 23/07/2021 21:14

Your ex is not allowed to dictate what you do with your free time. If he wants to take them rather than spend time with their aunt then maybe he should step up.

Original poster
Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:16

I don’t know. I think he just knows I feel mum guilt but honestly I feel so much better for having some time alone. They are happy and well cared for

OP posts:
Takingabreakagain · 23/07/2021 21:18

You are leaving them with family not some random stranger - what does he think is wrong with that??
Surely it is a good thing for them to have a good relationship with their cousins/auntie
And anyway once every two weeks is not even that often - you are allowed to have a life as well as being a parent. Is that what he finds so offensive?

Maggiesfarm · 23/07/2021 21:20

Go out and enjoy yourself, ignore your ex. You are not neglecting your children, presumably your sister in law doesn't mind and you reciprocate.

You're only young once.

Lucked · 23/07/2021 21:22

Sounds like they have a great time with their aunt and cousins.

He does not care that you spend one half of a day less with your children every 14 days that is only an excuse he is making you feel bad about yourself and/or is jealous that you may meet men.

How much does he see them?

quietlyspoken08 · 23/07/2021 21:23

Let his words be water off a ducks back. A happy mum is what your children need and however often you wanted to go out is absolutely none of his business and tbh I would tell him he has a f*ing cheek and if he cared about your children at all he would want you to be healthy and happy for them.

Strokethefurrywall · 23/07/2021 21:24

"A lion does not concern itself with the opinion of sheep" - a quote by someone I can't be bothered to google.

What your ex thinks is neither here nor there. He doesn't get a say in your life or what you do in your own time. Do you think he's sitting around on nights/days he doesn't have the kids? Is he fuck.

Ignore him. You have no need to justify yourself to him.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/07/2021 21:24

None of his business although if he has them EOW and you go out the other then he likely wonders why you don’t want to stay home with them. They may have said something to him.

Original poster
Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:26

He doesn’t have them eow, he maybe takes them out once a week or comes to my house to watch them for a few hours a week. He says he can’t handle them on his own. I’ve given up arguing with that and just leave him be

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/07/2021 21:27

So basically he can go out 14 nights every two weeks and he begrudges you going out once every two weeks?

MargosKaftan · 23/07/2021 21:27

So hang on, you spend Monday- Friday caring for the dcs, then every other weekend you spend the whole weekend with them, and then once a fortnight you take part of the weekend off when they go to their aunts.

He, the other parent, can't even commit to a weekend every other week, yet thinks your 24days commitment out of every 28 days isn't enough?

Why are you listening to someone who cares so little about his own children he doesn't want to spend 4 days a month in their company?

Nicknacky · 23/07/2021 21:28

So you are supposed to spend every minute with them but he doesn’t have to?

Surely as a father he should want that if he expects the children’s mother to do the same.

Original poster
Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:29

I don’t know why I’m even listening to him. I think because I am a single parent trying to juggle it all I feel guilty, then he makes smarmy comments like why would what you’re doing turn into a sleepover.

Because I still get up in the night with your bloody kids and would like one nights rest.

The only time he will take them overnight is if he has help from say his mum etc. Very rarely

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 23/07/2021 21:32

So he can't cope with them but expects you to have them all the time without a break?

I can see why he's your ex. I would honestly stop engaging with him about this.

I think you should go out more if you can! Once a fortnight isn't much!

BendingSpoons · 23/07/2021 21:32

As long as your sister is happy, YANBU. He has approximately 29 days a month to do what he likes whilst he 'palms them off' on you. If he doesn't want you to 'palm them off', he can step up and have them himself.

hellcatspangle · 23/07/2021 21:34

Tell him to mind his own bloody business.

sparklingbrooke · 23/07/2021 21:34

Ignore him he's being a controlling idiot and is just jealous you're sorting your life out.

You're amazing and just keep doing what you're doing. Happy mum happy DC

HeidiHeist · 23/07/2021 21:35

You can have fun with this: "Oh, I should stay with the kids? 14/14 nights to be a good parent, you say? What about you, then?"

I mean, you won't get him to take them more but give him enough rope to hang himself explaining why you should have no time away from the kids, and then try to square the circle.

Howshouldibehave · 23/07/2021 21:38

He can fuck off! He thinks it’s fine he can go out whenever he wants but you can’t?!

Don’t forget to think of your sister though-are you having her kids for alternate weekends to give her a break?

Original poster
Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:38

Ha. He hates it when I put it back on him. One of his days off work he uses to ‘organise himself’ I told him I do that WITH the kids.

Every day he shows me why he’s an ex

OP posts:
Original poster
Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:39

Yeah I watch her kids when she works on one of my days off. And then whenever she asks really, I don’t mind.

OP posts:
MrsEko · 23/07/2021 21:45

The good news here is that he is your ex. What a twat he sounds!

I used to put my youngest dd in daycare one day a week when I didn't work because I was with them all day every day and if I hadn't I would have been crackers!

It's important to do things for yourself.

My dc are teenagers now. They are happy and well adjusted.

ahoyshipmates · 23/07/2021 21:46

I don't very often use words like this on MN or in rl, but...

Tell him to fuck off.

Smile