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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out every two weeks?

69 replies

Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:10

Hi just wondering for opinions. I’m a single mum, I work part time and am also studying at uni . Recently things have been opening up and I’ve been out every other weekend with friends, it may be for lunch or for an actual night out for drinks. My sister watches my kids and her kids play with mine. I obviously spend a majority of my time with my kids, I make sure we always do fun little treats and twice when I went out they were with their dad. He’s a bit wishy washy with having them but he’s told me he’s not happy me palming them off every other weekend to go to their aunties.

It’s honestly not like that but I don’t have any other family to help and I watch her kids. I’m 28 and sometimes I need to just let my hair down and enjoy myself. I should add it’s not planned every two weeks I decide I need to go out but rather these events have happened every two weeks. Like for the whole of the 6 weeks I have nothing but kid stuff planned

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 23/07/2021 21:49

Definitely tell the man who can’t even look after them on his own to fuck right off

Tambora · 23/07/2021 21:50

@Partymole

I don’t know he’s controlling a bit? He just thinks I should spend my time with the kids. But I honestly do, I do everything for them obviously but he just wants to pass judgement on what I’m doing. Even though with all his free time he doesn’t think to have them
He just thinks I should spend my time with the kids Does he now? Well, they're his kids as well as yours, and when he is prepared to step up and look after his own kids a bit more often then he might be entitled to express his view. Until then, he can stfu and jog on.

Cheeky bastard.

Howshouldibehave · 23/07/2021 21:51

@Partymole

Yeah I watch her kids when she works on one of my days off. And then whenever she asks really, I don’t mind.
Sounds like a lovely relationship and great for your kids to grow up so close Smile

Bet you’re so glad this wanker is your ex!

CassandraTrotter · 23/07/2021 21:53

Why are you being so accommodating of him being so shit at parenting? Stop allowing him to come to your home.

SecretRedhead · 23/07/2021 21:54

Please stop responding to this bullshit. When he says something like this, try the grey rock method www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock.

He has no right to an opinion on your life. Do not give him the pleasure of thinking he does.

Original poster
Partymole · 23/07/2021 21:55

Ahh thank you everyone for reassuring me.

I feel like I’ve given up even arguing and if he’s at my house he sees them for longer. I know I should just leave him to it but ibe just been ground down where everything in regards to him is just whatever

OP posts:
PrettyBlunt · 23/07/2021 22:33

Tell him when he wants to step up and look after his kids let you know. Until then enjoy your outings.

Micemakingclothes · 23/07/2021 22:39

His only real objection could be that if you are leaving the kids with a sitter, that could be time he is spending with them. I’ve seen it written as “right of first refusal” in custody agreements. You offer him the time before you call a sitter. Of course if he is the type to flake or never has the kids to begin with, you don’t agree to something like this in the first place.

PopcornMuncher · 23/07/2021 22:43

So he looks after the kids less time than you do but you're not doing enough? Fucking sexist pig!

Tell him to get to fuck thanks for the advice and you'll bear it in mind. Then thank your lucky stars he's an ex and ignore him

Enjoy your free time

CassandraTrotter · 24/07/2021 11:40

@Partymole

Ahh thank you everyone for reassuring me.

I feel like I’ve given up even arguing and if he’s at my house he sees them for longer. I know I should just leave him to it but ibe just been ground down where everything in regards to him is just whatever

Start training him. Tell him he needs to look after the children elsewhere at his times, then go out so he can’t be a lazy arse about it and drop them back when he is bored.

Why isnt he having them overnight?

MadeOfStarStuff · 24/07/2021 12:36

So he thinks it’s ok for him to not see them but you can’t have a day off every couple of weeks while they’re with your sister. He can fuck right off with that!

The only people who have a say in how much babysitting your sister does for you are you and your sister.

RandomMess · 24/07/2021 12:43

😂😂😂😂

He's happy to palm his kids off on you 24/7 but they can't spend time with their extended family.

He wants you trapped and unable to move on and meet someone else.

Time to offer him fixed contact only and keep him blocked from your phone and email only moving forward!

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 24/07/2021 12:44

Tell him to get to fuck. He does realise that they're his kids too? This from the man child who can't handle his own kids alone for a day? LMFAO What a dickhead.

I used to practically live round my aunties as a child and my cousins would come to us all the time too. We loved playing with our various cousins. Its totally normal, that's what families do.

PanamaPattie · 24/07/2021 12:48

His happiness is no longer your concern.

bluebell34567 · 24/07/2021 12:49

he is jealous.

bluebell34567 · 24/07/2021 12:50

he doesnt want you to go out.
enjoy your time.

DuckAndPancakes · 24/07/2021 12:50

He doesn't want you to potentially be going out and meeting someone else. That's the issue he's having, in my opinion. It's absolutely nothing to do with the kids, he's projecting guilt onto you to try and maintain control. Don't bloody allow him! You are well within your rights to have a life when your children are (safely!!) elsewhere.

I want to give your ex a slap, I hate these kinds of men.

Sapphire387 · 24/07/2021 12:54

Ask him what he thinks about 50/50 custody then, and watch him piss himself with fear. He's pathetic. Agree with those who say he just doesn't want you to meet a new partner.

DamnUserName21 · 24/07/2021 13:28

You really need to disregard what he says.

  1. He is a complete hypocrite

  2. He has no power over you (so don't let him!)

Hankunamatata · 24/07/2021 13:32

Sounds like you and your sister have a great relationship. Great balance - you watching hers once a week so she can work and she has them every two weekends so you can have some adult time. Sounds great to me

billy1966 · 24/07/2021 13:42

Better to keep that asshole out of YOUR home.

What a waster.

Tell him it's none of his business what you do and he should concern himself with what a shit father he is that he can't manage to look after his own children.

What a waster.

Stop listening to and accepting his bullshit.

You sou d great.

Paperplain · 24/07/2021 13:49

Tell him he can have them 24/7 as he thinks you're so irresponsible.

CassandraTrotter · 24/07/2021 17:16

He wants you trapped and unable to move on and meet someone else.

Just wanted to highlight this.

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2021 18:06

Every single time he mentions this...mention how often he see's the kids and laugh. He has no hold over you. Dont hand him the power. Enjoy yourself op!Wink

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2021 18:09

Also you know this is just because he doesnt want you to go out and enjoy yourself..speak to other men.
This is all his problem is.

Hes manipulating you to the point where you have to come online to ask people if you're unreasonable to have a life and enjoy yourself. Stop questioning. You and your sister support each other. You dont need his opinion on it. Laugh every time.

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