To go out every two weeks?

[Partymole]

Hi just wondering for opinions. I’m a single mum, I work part time and am also studying at uni . Recently things have been opening up and I’ve been out every other weekend with friends, it may be for lunch or for an actual night out for drinks. My sister watches my kids and her kids play with mine. I obviously spend a majority of my time with my kids, I make sure we always do fun little treats and twice when I went out they were with their dad. He’s a bit wishy washy with having them but he’s told me he’s not happy me palming them off every other weekend to go to their aunties.

It’s honestly not like that but I don’t have any other family to help and I watch her kids. I’m 28 and sometimes I need to just let my hair down and enjoy myself. I should add it’s not planned every two weeks I decide I need to go out but rather these events have happened every two weeks. Like for the whole of the 6 weeks I have nothing but kid stuff planned

@Partymole - how do you define ‘letting your hair down?’
Flat drunk or having a cuppa and cake with friends.
First - agree with him
Latter - disagree with him

He just thinks I should spend my time with the kids
they are his children too - why doesn't he think he should spend time with them?
If he has opted out, why does he think he has any right to an opinion on the matter?

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

Erm it depends really, I don’t go out and get wasted but I do go out for drinks and dinner. These PST few weeks of going out have been events which are cocktails and nice food. One of my favourite things to do

Sorry but I'm trying to be polite here "fuck him"!

Other than children stuff you need to stop communicating with him. Your go to response when he questions you about your life stuff is to say “that’s none of your business” and move on, don’t be drawn on listening to his lousy opinions, especially when he can’t be arsed to look after his own kids and gets to do as he pleases for most of the time as a single bloke.

Why the fuck does it matter whether OP is getting drunk or “having a cuppa and cake with friends”?

Her time, her goddamn business. Unless he is parenting 50/50 and involved in the day to day lives of his kids, or she’s too hungover to adequately care for them afterwards nothing in his opinion matters.

I can’t work out why only tea and cake with friends is the only acceptable socializing a single mum can do.
She could be getting twatted every other week and more power to her.

Tell him to look at his own parenting and socialising before criticising yours. The cheek of him.

He sounds like an arse and I can see why he's an ex.
If I were in your shoes I'd be telling him that he has contact with his children on set days and away from your home. My guess is he likes watching them at your place so he knows what you're up to.
Your life is none of his business and you sound like a great mum.

He doesn't set foot in your home again. He takes the DC out or doesn't see them.

You need much better boundaries around him.

Agree with @RandomMess completely 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

You need to stop letting him in your house and only talk to him via text about the children. Do not respond to ANYTHING that isn't related to the kids.

He isn't a friend, his opinion doesn't count. It's perfectly fine to go out when you have kids.

Turn it around on him. He should be spending 50% of time with his kids. Why is it ok for him to palm them off on you 95% of time as he not so charmingly puts it? Seriously call him out and don’t engage. Agree contact and stick to it. What you do is up to you. You sound like you have a good set up with your sister - you’re effectively co parenting with her as they don’t have a dad in any useful sense.

Why on earth are you paying any attention to the blitherings of this useless male? Stop it. Listen to your own instincts.

He needs a parenting course then if he can’t care for his own children. On a more serious note you can express a preference in your will for who you want to care for them in event of something happening to you. There’s often a wills week where solicitors do them for a charity donation.

@JungleBeats

You need to stop letting him in your house and only talk to him via text about the children. Do not respond to ANYTHING that isn't related to the kids.

He isn't a friend, his opinion doesn't count. It's perfectly fine to go out when you have kids.

This.

I wouldn't be letting that waster into your home.
He could be rooting about in your things.

Tell him to get himself organised, it is not up to you to provide a venue.

What a cheek.

Thank you everyone for the reassuring messages. Without getting too soppy, my mum died when I was young so I always doubt myself being ‘mum’. Hence why I joined mumsnet.

I most definitely will stop him from coming round now, I’ve just got so much going on it was easier to just let it be. But he obviously thinks he has some type of hold over me to not want me to meet someone else. Ugh!

We he complains about not letting him in, and says it's not fair on the DC ignore ignore ignore.

Seriously block him on EVERYTHING apart from email. Offer him EOW Saturday 10am until Sunday 5pm.

Sure he won't take it up and at best will do a few hours Saturday morning but you've made it. If he turns up more than 15 minutes late go out with the DC.

Stop letting him have any power over you via the DC.

I expect he'll complain to all that you "won't let him see the DC" but do f*ck all about parenting them because he does not want to help you out ever.

@RandomMess

We he complains about not letting him in, and says it's not fair on the DC ignore ignore ignore.

Seriously block him on EVERYTHING apart from email. Offer him EOW Saturday 10am until Sunday 5pm.

Sure he won't take it up and at best will do a few hours Saturday morning but you've made it. If he turns up more than 15 minutes late go out with the DC.

Stop letting him have any power over you via the DC.

I expect he'll complain to all that you "won't let him see the DC" but do f*ck all about parenting them because he does not want to help you out ever.

Super advice.

OP, you sound like a wonderful mother who has a great sister to co parent with.

Well done, you have got this.