Termination. Need a handhold.

[Dandy0911]

TW: termination

Didn't know what title to put this under so put under AIBU for traffic. Sorry if it's in the wrong place.

I'm having a termination next week due to medical reasons on my part. My old thread is below to read if anybody wants to.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/4301699-am-i-going-mad-can-anybody-see-lines-on-these

I can't stop crying. I'm heartbroken. I have such an emotional attachment to this little being already. It's not a bunch of cells to me, it's my baby and I just can't stop crying. How am I going to be able to take those pills next week.

I'm broken and could do with a little hand hold.

Thank you everyone :(

I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself and give your dd lots of squeezy cuddles. She’s a lucky little pickle to have a mum who adores her so.

Here to hold your hand @Dandy0911 - no-one should have to go through what you’re going through right now. Life can be incredibly cruel and random sometimes but you are being extremely brave and you will get through this. For now, it’s completely ok to cry and cry some more - this is your baby, nothing will ever change that. Taking those pills will be so hard, but remember that it’s actually an act of kindness and the best thing you can do for your baby as its loving mother. Remember that it has achieved everything that it could ever have hoped to have achieved in its short life and you provided it with a wonderful home for that time. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

Having a termination must be hard enough but having a termination you don't particularly want for reasons beyond your control is heartbreaking. For what it's worth I think you've absolutely made the right decision for you and your daughter. The consequences for your body should you continue with this pregnancy could be catastrophic and potentially leave your DD motherless.
Given what you've faced already you're obviously a strong and resilient person, I hope you can draw on your inner strength to get you through this.

I'm so sorry OP x

I’ve just read your linked posts. Am so sorry you’re going through this. Keep posting and we’ll keep supporting.

I'm so sorry OP. Please be kind to yourself xx

I’m so so sorry

I also had to terminate a much wanted and much loved pregnancy because of medical complications, but with the baby rather than me, so I can sort of relate to what a truly awful situation you are in.

It might be worth speaking to ARC
They are more geared to women having to terminate because of fetal abnormalities but will know all about the rollercoaster of having to terminate a pregnancy that you want but can’t keep
They also have a great network of counsellors and peer support groups
www.arc-uk.org/

I'm so sorry OP. Thinking of you. You are doing the right thing.

Just posting a handhold

Be kind to yourself you are doing the only thing you can do.

Just sending a hand hold. What a truly impossible situation you are in. I am so glad that your OH is supportive.

Massive covid safe hug and hand hold ♥️

A handhold and a hug for you, OP.

You are being the best mother you can be, even though your heart is breaking.

I read your earlier post and had been hoping for a different outcome for you @Dandy0911.

I'm so, so sorry, you're in a terrible situation. Your DH sounds a fantastic man, I'm glad you have good support. Big handhold for you, sent with lots of love

So sorry to read this. Op you are definitely doing the right thing. You have nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever. I hope you can get through this

Did your consultant say you shouldn't go ahead ? I understand you not wanted to be away from your existing DD. You just don't know the future for sure, anything can happen.

Thank you, everybody. So much.
Me and DH have been reading through all your replies. (DH is a massive secret MN fan and always uses the iPad to scroll through on my account.)

We will get through this, we have our beautiful baby girl to concentrate on. Our little dot is so precious to us but it's just not meant to be. In another life maybe.

DH is amazing, he's been there for me throughout my whole cancer journey, through IVF, he's incredible with DD. I couldn't ask for a better support system than him (and the lovelies of MN)

We are both going through this and he is hurting so we are just being there for each other.

DD is in bed. We're sat on the sofa scoffing dominoes just trying to chill out as our minds have been in overdrive.

You really all are wonderful people thank you so much xxx

So sorry OP. Sending supportive hugs

@lloceypu

They strongly advised me not to.

I have a 52 staple scar, and it was so close to rupturing. Without going into a long story, the chemo and surgeries have damaged me so so much inside. The Chemo I had wasn't intravenous. It went directly into my abdo via drains, and it's scarred me so much inside. My body only JUST scraped by with DDs pregnancy. But the trauma from that and another C section along with what would be more surgery, the consultants have agreed my body may never recover from it.

There's no option unfortunately :(

I am so sorry, OP. Huge handhold here for you and your DH. When you’ve had to endure so much already, this seems just so cruel. Best wishes

Sorry it this is graphic.

It's just so hard to explain.
This is what I'm dealing with. I've had a section since then too and my tummy just won't cope with anymore :(

But I'm lucky to be alive and to have DD.

OP can you contact surgeon and get tubes tied?

Im so sorry you need to have an abortion to be healthy mum for dd. I think you 100% making right decision.

@Hankunamatata

I hadn't even thought of that. I know this is probably a really silly question but does it involve incisions / surgery?

As surgery really isn't an option for me unless it's absolutely necessary now. :(

After the termination im going to have a chat with the team and come up with a plan whether it be something like this or contraception. I never thought I'd be saying that as the chemo has apparently left me infertile but I cannot go through this again :(

I'm so so sorry.

There's a charity called Petals who helped me with a similar-yet-different situation. They call themselves a 'baby loss counselling charity'; I think the woman I spoke to was called Karen Burgess. I recommend her highly.

You're doing the right thing, even if it hurts. Hats off to you.

I’m so sorry @Dandy0911 that you are going through this.
Handhold and a big mahoooosive hug 🤗

Be extra kind to yourself and take it easy after.
(The hormone crash is so bloody hard).