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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

She has a ‘Strong character’

142 replies

Meltinghere · 23/07/2021 15:42

The way my mum describes my Dd, 3.

What would you think is meant by this? Is it really just code for ‘Naughty and hard work’

OP posts:

HildegardeCrowe · 23/07/2021 17:45

I’ve been described as both amicable and easygoing @TableFlowerss and yet I’ve also been described as having a strong character. As an adult I take this as a huge compliment - who’d want to be described as having a weak character? I think it says more about the person describing someone as having a strong character and in a small girl, I think this trait should be celebrated.

Oversize · 23/07/2021 17:46

If I think someone's talking in 'code' or hints, I ask in an enquiring and cheerful way, "Can you tell me what you mean by that?"

Dramallama4 · 23/07/2021 17:50

Be proud!
I was a quiet and shy child, my mother was always telling me to be nice and to smile (after all, nobody likes to see a miserable face and all that crap) I grew up into a people pleasing doormat. MY daughter on the other hand has a strong character and I encouraged it, my mother used to say she was rude and bad mannered. Errr no, she has an opinion that matters, I didn’t want her to keep quiet, smile and look pretty like a little girl supposedly should.
My daughter is 25 now and doing very well for herself, she still has that strong character.

DeadButDelicious · 23/07/2021 17:57

My DD (who is four) is a 'strong character' and yes that does often translate as stubborn but it also means that she knows what she wants, isn't afraid to be assertive and is a confident child. It is often exhausting.

But I am doing my absolute best to raise her with a strong sense of what she wants, how to get it and to have near cast iron self esteem. If I have my way she will know in her bones that you cannot make fire feel afraid.

quizqueen · 23/07/2021 18:02

Can't you just ask your mum what she meant rather than strangers on the internet!!!!!

GiantToadstool · 23/07/2021 18:04

We used to refer to children as "strong characters" as code for a bit self centred and a bit unaware of other people's needs.
The stage beyond having an opinion/being assertive and a good thing!

GiantToadstool · 23/07/2021 18:08

It does depend on context though. "There are a couple of strong characters in that class" or "those 2 are strong characters and don't do well together," isn't a compliment but saying euphemistically that they arent considerate of others.

She has a strong character in a different context might not mean the same.

Parents often think their children are perfect (as we tend to) but it is good to teach children awareness of others too.

ufucoffee · 23/07/2021 18:11

Why don't you just ask her? I think having a strong character is a compliment. I'd like it if someone said that about me.

Jent13c · 23/07/2021 18:18

Definitely not just girls..my nephew is a strong character, also fiesty and willful. In all honesty he is an absolute nightmare as a toddler though getting better as communication improves. Pretty sure it will see him well in life though, he will not be taking orders.

MuchTooTired · 23/07/2021 18:21

I’d take it as a compliment. My little girl is a strong character (she’s a bloody nightmare at times!) but I hope she doesn’t change because she’ll be one kick ass woman once she’s grown. I am however dreading the teenage years

PullTheWeeds · 23/07/2021 18:31

I often describe my ds as having a strong character, and others have said it about him to me. What I mean is that he knows what he wants and likes and isn't easily swayed to an alternative. He's funny and confident and can express himself well.

SweetPetrichor · 23/07/2021 18:34

My parents were teachers…’strong character’ means ‘they’re an arsehole but we can’t call say that’.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 23/07/2021 18:44

My friends daughter has a strong character, always has since she was a wee dot. I think it’s utterly brilliant.

She knows her own mind and will not be swayed. I bought her a t shirt that says ‘Well behaved women seldom make history!’

SmileyClare · 23/07/2021 18:48

It all depends on context and tone.

It can often be a polite way of saying a child isn't used to discipline and has learnt to get their own way by tantrumming. See also "spirited"

You know your own daughter Op. If you don't think there are issues with her behaviour, she can play well with her peers and you don't let her have her own way all the time, then don't worry.

There's a balance between fostering confidence and independence versus teaching them to fit in socially and respect certain boundaries.

Wineandroses3 · 23/07/2021 18:52

It’s just a description that I would take to me she’s developing her own little personality which is lovely. I can’t understand why any would take offense at that! We going to get to a point where people can’t open their mouth through fear of causing offense to someone somewhere! My mum described my daughter as a little madem, hells bells how very offensive of her eh !!! Instead of picking over people’s every word to try and find offence it’s probably more productive to just ask yourself are they a decent human being? If answer is yes then just “let it go”!

MissyB1 · 23/07/2021 19:21

@GiantToadstool

We used to refer to children as "strong characters" as code for a bit self centred and a bit unaware of other people's needs. The stage beyond having an opinion/being assertive and a good thing!

This!

TableFlowerss · 23/07/2021 19:23

@GlutenFreeGingerCake

To those saying it’s a compliment, it’s not really though is it? If you relate it to an adult, you wouldn’t describe someone as a ‘strong character’ that was amicable and easy going. No but amicable and easy going are not the only good personality traits. I think we would like to have people around who are determined, brave,loyal and do the right thing even if it is not easy.

Hmm well that’s a nice way to put it.

worktrip · 23/07/2021 19:24

You know the person who is saying this, and probably know whether she means DD is hard work and difficult or whether it's said in admiration of DD knowing her own mind.

It can mean 101 different things to 101 different people. If you know your DD is temperamental, uncooperative and has tantrums, I wouldn't say those are admirable qualities in boys or girls.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/07/2021 19:27

I would usually interpret it either as having a stubborn streak, or being quite confident, having clear opinions & being willing to share them

TableFlowerss · 23/07/2021 19:31

@thepeopleversuswork

What would you think is meant by this? Is it really just code for ‘Naughty and hard work

Strong character is definitely a compliment. Being naughty and hard work are not necessarily bad things. Particularly for a girl.

Being naughty and hard work are not necessarily bad things. Particularly for a girl

Being naughty is not a positive behaviour! Being naughty gets you in to trouble at school and bring a ‘naughty’ adults can’t get you in to prison!

TheSlayer · 23/07/2021 19:33

My son is described as 'knowing his own mind'. It's code for he likes to do things his way and is stubborn and hard work. But he's amazing and gorgeous as well so I don't feel it's a negative.

Just an acknowledgement that parenting him can be a tough gig at times. Which is nice for people to acknowledge when others around me have easygoing babies.

I wish I knew you in RL op. I'd appreciate someone else who has a strong character baby 😜.

TableFlowerss · 23/07/2021 19:35

@HildegardeCrowe

I’ve been described as both amicable and easygoing *@TableFlowerss* and yet I’ve also been described as having a strong character. As an adult I take this as a huge compliment - who’d want to be described as having a weak character? I think it says more about the person describing someone as having a strong character and in a small girl, I think this trait should be celebrated.

Well the strong characters I know as kids, they’d parents are tearing their Blair out be add they won’t behave and do as they’re told.

‘Strong character’ is a nice term the nursery staff use to describe them, because they don’t want to be mean.

They are hard work. It’s not meant as a compliment.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 23/07/2021 19:35

My mum is given to saying that sort of thing
" gets it from her nan"
Usually shuts her up!

TableFlowerss · 23/07/2021 19:36

parents are tearing their hair out as they won’t behave I mean 🤣

TableFlowerss · 23/07/2021 19:36

@SweetPetrichor

My parents were teachers…’strong character’ means ‘they’re an arsehole but we can’t call say that’.

Yeah that’s what it means amongst my teacher friends too.

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