AIBU to ask for more money?

[somuchsun]

I have a DD14 with my ex. He pays me £170 a month. He doesn't help with school uniform, school trips, school equipment, school dinner money, extra curricular costs, haircuts. Doesn't take her on holiday. Has her 4 over nights each month, sometimes 3, and 2 dinners.

My DD eats me out of house and home, and is starting to need things bought for school as doing GCSE's. I'm basically running out of money each month and having to ask my parents to help out with the purchase of some things for her. They are more than happy to but have said I should be asking my ex (I think he'll say no).

Me and my ex both work full time. He lives with his wife and her child, it's just me and my DD here.

Would I be unreasonable to ask him to help out more, or should I accept that the £170 I get from him is enough?

@fabulousathome He's paid the same amount for 10 years.

So you're going to the CMS now? No reason not to as it's incredibly easy to start a claim.

Have a look here to see how £170 would have increased with inflation:

www.bankofengland.co.uk/monetary-policy/inflation/inflation-calculator

What does he do?

10yrs. Why hasn’t it increased each year

Assume his salary has increased

Tell us what he does for a job, his seniority, sector and we can help you work out his salary.

No, £170 isn't much/enough but it might actually be 15% of salary minus 1/7th

He would most likely pay more if you went through cms

I'm not entirely sure of his job title, but he works in electrics. He's not the boss, works for someone else, so not self employed.

Just with Inflation it should have gone up to £220 a month minimum

Also my friends husband earns 30kish a year and pays £350 a month for 1 Child and sees them EOW for 2 days

Inflation doesn't necessarily mean he's had a pay rise. Lots haven't.

Go through CmS and they'll get his salary directly and do the calculations

Salary of 24k would be £200 a month on 1/2 days a month that the child is staying at his

I would try the calculator abs see if the difference is worth the struggle when he almost certainly stops paying during the process or if he would indeed be paying more.

They will take his wife's child into consideration for the calculation so add that in too.

Prettylittleflies I know how its calculated and there is a lot wrong with it. I and many other "service users" have commented at length on other threads. It could and should take many more quantifiable costs into account, such as any child care not covered by UC or CTC so that the RP can work but it doesn't. Even the banding of nights 0-52 / 53-104 etc is flawed as there is a big difference between 2 and 3 nights a week, plus if they are not regular, but bunched together through school holidays. Really, the system needs a complete overhaul and more funding so that each case could be properly individually assessed to be fair to both sides (and I do accept there can be injustice for the NRP also sometimes) but there's no will for that for those in power who would much rather blame single parents (women usually) for needing to use benefits to make ends meet than the absent (male usually) parent who is doing the bare minimum or nothing at all.

[quote somuchsun]@fabulousathome He's paid the same amount for 10 years. [/quote]
There should have, at least, been a rise in ten years. Many things have gone up in price, your daughter is at a more expensive age too. Just ask him for, say, an extra £50 per month, it costs nothing to ask.

Does he give your daughter pocket money?

Don’t forget that if you do a cms calculation that your payment will be reduced because of the child he lives with, so you need to fill in that he supports 2 children. It doesn’t matter that the other one is not biologically his, if he lives with them then they still count as a dependant.

@Maggiesfarm No he doesn't give her pocket money.

You can only really run figures through the calculator including the DC that he loved with and see if it's worth the gamble that he should be paying more.

[quote somuchsun]@Maggiesfarm No he doesn't give her pocket money. [/quote]
Gosh that is bad.

I presume he loves his daughter and he doesn't have any more children. I honestly don't understand people who are prepared to see their kids go short.

My sis was separated from her husband for about three years, she left when her only child was 17. Not only did she buy all her child's clothes but gave them a very good allowance every month.

They resolved their differences and got back together again, no third party involved. I'm pleased to say they have been happy ever since and now close to retirement (she three and husband four years older than me), but during the time of separation she was more than generous. She loved her boy and wanted him to have the same as he did when they all lived together.

So much is left for you to manage, op, it is grossly unfair.

PS, I made a mistake, her son was sixteen, she left in the July and he was 17 in the October. She didn't live far away and they saw each other all the time.

Go to CMS if you think he earns more than £1600 a month, OP. They’ll get his salary details very quickly.

@Eviethyme

Just with Inflation it should have gone up to £220 a month minimum

Ask him, if he won't then just go to CMS.

Why dont you ask your daughter to ask him? When I got to that age my mum pushed me to ask my dad myself. He would generally say no to her but when I went to him and said I need this for this he generally bought it. I saw him probably once every few months! Guessing it was guilty consciounce!!

Your ex needs to be doing 50/50,

And/or yes contributing more to the upkeep of your dd

If you go the formal route it’ used to be 15% of net wage

So if 1600 is his net wage then you’d be receiving £240 per month less an amount for the child he has living with him? - obviously things may have changed