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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Forced into having a baby shower

65 replies

Littlejayx · 23/07/2021 07:44

I know this is going to sound like a small problem but due to social anxiety and the covid rates in my city being very high I need advice 😩

On Sunday my partners sister has just let me know he has planned a baby shower with his family for me. Now this is the opposite of anything I’ve ever wanted and have let him know with my first two babies that I don’t like the attention, my social anxiety gets the better of me and the thought of all eyes being on me for the day makes me very uncomfortable 😩

Now this Sunday coincides with my best friends wedding which I chose not to attend due to being in another country and being 39 weeks pregnant, so none of my friends or family will be at said baby shower (adding to the social anxiety) it will just be his family in a fancy function room

What do I do?! Suck it up and go? As he is no longer speaking to me because I’m being ‘un-greatful’ and ‘bratty’

Send help!! AIBU?

OP posts:
Pingued · 23/07/2021 07:48

Tell them you want to wait until baby is here safe before celebrating?

backaftera2yearbreak · 23/07/2021 07:49

Pretend you have gone into labour?

monkeyallen49 · 23/07/2021 07:51

Say that you declined going to your friends wedding due to being at a late stage in your pregnancy and if she sees that you are at another social engagement it might upset her. Apologise and say you'll get together after baby arrives.

No need for any further explanation. Just be polite but firm.

Hopefulbride18 · 23/07/2021 07:52

Another vote for pretending you think you're going into labour!

PicaK · 23/07/2021 07:52

Pfft. They're using your pregnancy as an excuse for a get together. This isn't about you.
Your sil has got your back though. Well if she told you in a nice way.
39 weeks pregnant and he's calling you bratty?? That's not how I see it.

PleasurePrinciple · 23/07/2021 07:53

Of course you don’t go. I’d be more interested in why he’s gone to the trouble of doing something he knows you don’t want and would actually find unpleasantly stressful. What’s going on in his head?

I can imagine my mother doing something like that, because she thinks ‘nice’ women never say what they mean and would think that your reluctance was only a polite cover for actually wanting a shower but honking it was rude to say do. I have been trying to train her to take people at their word for my entire adult life, but to no avail…

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/07/2021 07:53

Surely your social anxiety should be lower as less people? Can’t you speak to her and ensure it’s just a meal- no games, no gifts no attention on you specifically

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/07/2021 08:01

I wouldn’t be going either, I hate baby showers and group events with cases so high seem madness at the current time.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/07/2021 08:05

He’s the bratty one for not talking to you and being upset that you’re not grateful that he’s arranged something you have said you don’t want.

Tell him to grow up and stop making it about him. You do not have to suck it up and go.

wearyofwigan · 23/07/2021 08:06

Develop a dry cough and be awaiting a PCR test.

Still1nLove · 23/07/2021 08:06

Who knows why he is doing this? Maybe he thinks you will enjoy it when you are there? My first instinct is it’s a party for him.

I would be inclined to wake up with some aches and pains on Sunday so that I couldn’t go

Nengineer · 23/07/2021 08:06

I'm not a joiner inner and also hate these ladies types of stuff. I called in sick to mine and went to the cinema instead Grin

Harp1977 · 23/07/2021 08:08

But you are 39 weeks pregnant in a global pandemic, surely your Dr/midwife has told you to be careful and avoid large groups and reduce your risk of being a close contact / contracting covid at this late stage esp if you are going to hospital to have the baby. I know the UK has opened up but a party the week before you are due to have a baby is madness and irresponsible in my opinion. Well that's what I would be saying to them

DappledThings · 23/07/2021 08:08

You aren't being ungrateful by not going to something you never wanted. I would have refused to go to a baby shower for myself and nobody would have arranged one because they knew how I felt. You've said you would hate it before it was arranged and you are perfectly within your rights to stick to that boundary.

EwwwCoffee · 23/07/2021 08:13

It’s so incomprehensible when people who are supposed to love us make us do things we have said we don’t want to, under the guise of being nice…

OP, you can either just put your foot down entirely and tell him you don’t want to do anything at this stage in your pregnancy, or, if you feel like it, you could suggest a low-key meal or picnic or something with his family instead of a formal shower.

Manista · 23/07/2021 08:17

Stuff it. Tell your partner now that you're not attending a baby shower and he should have had the sense to realise you wouldn't. If he's planned it at your house maybe go out for a walk/drive whatever. But don't be forced into anything.

Weenurse · 23/07/2021 08:19

I hate being called ungrateful for not wanting to attend something DH has arranged that he will enjoy. His reasoning is that if he will enjoy it, then I must.
I don’t like crowds or being the centre of attention.
In your situation, I would send him along and enjoy some quiet time myself.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/07/2021 08:21

Tell him you need to reduce your contacts not increase them this close to your due date

NameChangeIn · 23/07/2021 08:24

Definitely not being ungrateful or bratty! I too hate large gatherings and the thought of having one at 39 weeks and without my family would send me into overdrive!
Hiw many of his family are going??

22Giraffes · 23/07/2021 08:26

This is about them, not you. They want the party and now you are ungrateful because you don't (and never did in the first place!). It is not bratty to be upset at feeling forced to attend something you never asked for.

I can't stand when people think you need to be eternally grateful or happy for things they think you should want/do. Best of luck with whatever you choose to do Bear but YANBU at all.

Macncheeseballs · 23/07/2021 08:27

Tell him baby showers are lame and grabby

pinkyredrose · 23/07/2021 08:30

As he is no longer speaking to me because I’m being ‘un-greatful’ and ‘bratty’

I'd say that's a bigger problem in your relationship. Does he always blame you if things don't go his way? Why would he even organise this if he knows its not what you want?

Original poster
Littlejayx · 23/07/2021 08:30

I’m so glad everyone is saying the same as me 😩😩😩.

There would be one of my friends and the rest his family so about 20 people, I’m not exaggerating when I say ALL of my friends are at the wedding and my family are too far and late notice to come.

I’ve got in touch with his family member who organised it and she’s adamant it’s just a Meal but I know it isn’t 😩.

I really do hate baby showers and was asked in front of my partner by my neighbour if I was having one and my response was ‘no they are grabby and forced’

OP posts:
TheTallOakTrees · 23/07/2021 08:31

It sounds like a piss up thinly disguised as a baby thing - American import and so ridiculous

Warmduscher · 23/07/2021 08:32

Tell him you’ve been pinged and have to self isolate.