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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Forced into having a baby shower

65 replies

Littlejayx · 23/07/2021 07:44

I know this is going to sound like a small problem but due to social anxiety and the covid rates in my city being very high I need advice 😩

On Sunday my partners sister has just let me know he has planned a baby shower with his family for me. Now this is the opposite of anything I’ve ever wanted and have let him know with my first two babies that I don’t like the attention, my social anxiety gets the better of me and the thought of all eyes being on me for the day makes me very uncomfortable 😩

Now this Sunday coincides with my best friends wedding which I chose not to attend due to being in another country and being 39 weeks pregnant, so none of my friends or family will be at said baby shower (adding to the social anxiety) it will just be his family in a fancy function room

What do I do?! Suck it up and go? As he is no longer speaking to me because I’m being ‘un-greatful’ and ‘bratty’

Send help!! AIBU?

OP posts:
onelittlefrog · 23/07/2021 10:13

I would tell DP to go on his own and tell his relatives you are feeling unwell that day.

I would also have a long chat with him in private about how upset you are that he has done this knowing you didn't want it.

Sounds like you wouldn't want it at the best of times, but with Covid it is a really bad idea to be socialising with 20 people when you are pregnant!

InTheNightWeWillWish · 23/07/2021 10:20

To be honest I’d be telling him he’s a selfish arse and an idiot. You’re 39 weeks pregnant, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that you have your baby within 10 days of the event. Actually it’s pretty likely. With case numbers as they are, it’s also not improbable that someone there has Covid and he is required to self isolate and you’ll end up giving birth alone. Him not listening that you’ve already requested not to have a baby shower is just the icing on the shitty, selfish cake.

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 23/07/2021 10:28

OP I feel for you, I too suffer from social anxiety and really hate being the centre of attention. If he’s genuinely doing this for you then he should try and understand and respect your feelings and wishes - which he certainly isn’t by telling you that you’re ungrateful and bratty, which of course is very telling of his motives, definitely not with your best interests at heart. If I were you I would stand my ground now, say thank you very much but that you didn’t ask for it and you won’t be going. There will undoubtedly be plenty more times that this comes up and he’s going to have to get his head round it.

Laserbird16 · 23/07/2021 10:58

Well putting aside how thoughtless/stupid it was to organise a baby shower you don't want when you're 39 weeks pregnant during a global pandemic.

Why is your partner being such an arse? Does he throw tantrums often if he doesn't get his way? Is he annoyed at losing face? Missing out on a piss up with his family? I'd be very angry about him trying to coerce you into something you're not comfortable with.

The family member who said it's just a meal has given you a get out of jail free card, that and you are about to give birth

Just say you're very achey on the day and your just not up to a meal. Then turn your phone off unless you want to constantly get have you given birth yet messages every 30 seconds

I had a very well meaning friend who wanted to organise me a baby shower. I said I really appreciated it but I found these things really hard as a lot of my friends and family are half a world away. Instead we had a nice high tea and that was lovely. No strops necessary

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/07/2021 11:00

He can have the baby shower - they can shower him! No need for you to go.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 23/07/2021 11:00

Don’t lie and pretend to be in labour. If you can’t be honest with your dh that’s not good. The fact he called you bratty isn’t helpful and unfortunate. Maybe they genuinely want you to feel special. Aware of your anxiety but think you’re worth the effort if you only allow yourself to enjoy it?? Is this possible?

Quitelikeacatslife · 23/07/2021 11:03

With covid numbers on the rise I'd not be going anywhere, when your kids finish school tell him you think you should all shield and only go to work , outdoor things with kids or essential trips. You can't risk covid for something you don't even want to do.
(Were you able to be vaccinated if pregnant?)
Yours and your baby's health is the most important thing and he could risk missing the birth
Dick

Soverymuchfruit · 23/07/2021 11:38

Don't lie and make excuses about why you can't go. Tell him very clearly that this is the opposite of what you want, even without the pandemic, andthat with the pandemic it's madness. And that given that he knows you well, he absolutely already knew you felt this way. Therefore he had been incredibly selfish and bratty in organising it and should be apologising to you, not trying to pressure you into going.

Member984815 · 23/07/2021 12:17

I had my 3rd baby at 39 weeks , I'd feign labour pains or early labour signs

drpet49 · 23/07/2021 12:34

Why are you having a baby shower for a 3rd baby? Also it doesn’t sound like a baby shower anyway.

chunderwunder · 23/07/2021 12:55

A 'friend' once organised a party for my 30th. It comprised a load of people from the pub that I didn't really like at a restaurant of her choosing. She then demanded my presence because she'd 'made such an effort'.

I didn't go. Texted her an hour before and said I had scabies.

She then de

Thehop · 23/07/2021 13:00

Download the test and trace app

Put in the symptom checker that you have a fever and a cough.

It will turn red and tell you to isolate. Do it now ahead of time.

Tell him you have no idea where it came from.

Or just say no and fuck what they think

EnjoyingTheSilence · 24/07/2021 12:05

Well if it’s just a meal then there’s absolutely no need for you to go 😁

Saoirse82 · 24/07/2021 13:08

Ugh, I hate baby showers, too grabby and American. I feel the same way about gender reveals, its so narcissistic. Im grateful I've got the excuse of covid if anyone plans one for me, a friend told me she was planning one and to let her know what I needed, yes of course its lovely to be thought of but I just would absolutely hate every minute of it. Thankfully I was able to get out of it with the covid excuse, I'm really hoping no-one else decides to surprise me with one though.
You're not being a brat for not wanting a baby shower, given the current situation and also the fact that you have social anxiety and you've told your partner you didn't want one I think he's being a selfish twat!

billy1966 · 24/07/2021 14:03

@aSofaNearYou

Your partner is being beyond selfish in so many ways.
He sounds selfish and unpleasant.

Calling you names because you are not happy to be forced into doing something you have clearly stated you have no interest in?

Nasty OP.

Doesn't augur well for the future.

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