SIL never gets me a birthday pressie/card

[Ccoffee217]

Anyone else have this situation..been with my DH for 10 years, married for 3, he only has one sister and I don't know if IABU to feel a bit gutted every year that I get cards/pressies from everyone but her and her DH.

To set the scene she is a shy and quite socially awkward person, we are very different people and she's not particularly close with my DH but we get on when we do see each other. We live fairly close and she's aware that the pressie we get for her birthday every year is always wrapped and written by me (she usually comments on how nice the wrapping is), so I feel a bit gutted that she doesn't even get me a card.

We don't get her DH a card which is clearly the exact same thing, but I feel like because she knows I personally always sort her pressie and her kids pressies and everyone's Xmas pressies, it's like a bit of a statement! And her DH is obviously not involved with that side of things because a lot of men aren't, for whatever reason, so it's less of an insult to him if that makes sense?!

Anyone else have this? How would you suggest I "get over it" !? X

So you invest your energy buying and gift wrapping stuff for your DH sister but dont bother with her DH. Then are surprised she doesnt bother with you. How do you know that she thinks the gifts are from you and not her brother? If your pissed off leave your DH to buy for his family and step back.

oh and after re reading your OP your sexist shite has pissed me of....how do you know her DH isnt bothered? Is it just because yours isnt? Mine always did his side of the family, I never bothered with any of them until he got sick. If woman dont stop doing the percieved 'wife work' nothing will ever change..

Stop getting anything for her right now! Let her brother sort it!

She chooses not to buy for you, she doesn't feel she needs to, she is entitled which is why she accepts your gifts. I hate ppl like that. My sil is actually like that, do we share the same sil? She's happy to take take and never give back, I don't understand how you can't feel bad that someone is spending on you and you make zero effort. I've stopped buying for her for a good few years now, it feels good!!

Why do you not get a card for her husband?

Why have you not left present buying for your DH’s family to him?

Wow ladies, this has certainly had a lot more responses than I expected and some rather opinionated ones at that! 😁
Thank you for providing some different views though, I think some are a little extreme, but good to know it's got people talking 😊

But yes, I guess maybe I'm a little old fashioned with the thinking that because we're both ladies, it's different than with us not buying birthday gifts for BIL!

Some good advice too though, that I should leave DH to sort her card/pressie!
I guess part of me has been making an effort in the hope that SIL and I would get closer, but it doesn't appear to be working, so the underlying issue is quite honestly that I feel our relationship isn't what I'd like it to be... come at me 😁

We don't get her DH a card which is clearly the exact same thing

Why don’t you get her DH a card?

I have 5 SILs,/BILsI have no idea when their birthdays are.(actually one is bonfire night but the others not a clue)

DH knows my brothers but is it Christmas Day- so pretty easy.

Never sent card or gift.

I guess part of me has been making an effort in the hope that SIL and I would get closer, but it doesn't appear to be working

Is your husband making the effort with his sister's husband in the hope that they get closer?

You don't buy for BIL, they don't buy for you (their SIL). This is the exact same thing

I mean, if you want to get closer to her, maybe buy her husband a birthday card?

Just get over it. Seriously. It's that simple. I couldn't get even remotely upset about this - especially with the state of the world at the moment. Why do you feel so hard done by, yet it's ok for you not to get your BIL anything, purely because he's a bloke??

BIL openly admits to not getting involved in present shopping/wrapping and generally gives off the attitude of 'don't worry about me' (queue remarks such as "well how do you know he doesn't actually care" 😁)
Whereas, as mentioned previously, SIL knows I put a lot of effort in with hers and her children's.

Also his birthday is just after mine so it's felt every year like it would be awkward to get him one when I've just missed one myself, IYSWIM?

They are presents, not pressies.

So what did your h do about presents and cards before he met you? I’m sure he coped.

@OhEff bad day? 😂

Spent years doing the cards pressies for sil and her kids and partner.

The last few years she's either forgotten any of ours or bought for a random family member but then not anyone else

Our eldest adult dc was forgotten yet again this year so I said right that's it I'm now not bothering with her both adult dc either as that's obviously the way it will go so I didn't.

Mil had a moan and said we should buy a card for adult dniece until I pointed out she hadn't bothered with ours and also forgot her own brothers birthday so what's the fuss.

Makes it easier now because we don't bother and they don't.

Stop buying gifts for your OH's family on behalf of your OH. Unless you have a special individual relationship with a member of his family (sounds like that's not the case with your SIL), just stop and don't even give it any further headspace.

queue remarks

Old fashioned? How old are you? My mum is 60 and doesn't think like this.

Yabu. You don't get her husband anything, so makes sense they don't get you anything.

The fact that you have taken on the role of buying presents for your husbands family, rather than your husband doing it means nothing at all.

Your set up, is not relevant

@wtfisgoingonhere21

Good to hear some one else's situation rather than a load of criticism with no actual back up of their own scenario 😁
I think it might be a good idea to lay down the rules - kids only, adults let's nip it in the bud now!

Just stop doing the wife work and let your Dh sort his own side of the family. If that means they get nothing then so be it. I have stopped and needless to say his side barely get a card, let alone a present. I have enough to be doing remembering my own family.

Thanks lovely ladies, hope you can all cheer yourself up somehow.
You've been very entertaining for me 😁

Why do we need cheered up? What a strange reply.

You carry on with your old fashioned wife work, moaning because you don’t get a bit of rectangle cardboard.

[quote Ccoffee217]@wtfisgoingonhere21

Good to hear some one else's situation rather than a load of criticism with no actual back up of their own scenario 😁
I think it might be a good idea to lay down the rules - kids only, adults let's nip it in the bud now! [/quote]
I think this is the way to go. My DH's younger sister is quite demanding with presents and yet gets crappy gifts for others. I just leave DH to it.

Note to self, the AIBU topic attracts the
angry at the world type 😁