SIL never gets me a birthday pressie/card

[Ccoffee217]

Anyone else have this situation..been with my DH for 10 years, married for 3, he only has one sister and I don't know if IABU to feel a bit gutted every year that I get cards/pressies from everyone but her and her DH.

To set the scene she is a shy and quite socially awkward person, we are very different people and she's not particularly close with my DH but we get on when we do see each other. We live fairly close and she's aware that the pressie we get for her birthday every year is always wrapped and written by me (she usually comments on how nice the wrapping is), so I feel a bit gutted that she doesn't even get me a card.

We don't get her DH a card which is clearly the exact same thing, but I feel like because she knows I personally always sort her pressie and her kids pressies and everyone's Xmas pressies, it's like a bit of a statement! And her DH is obviously not involved with that side of things because a lot of men aren't, for whatever reason, so it's less of an insult to him if that makes sense?!

Anyone else have this? How would you suggest I "get over it" !? X

So stop buying for your husbands side then this can’t annoy you🤷🏻‍♀️.

Especially when you don’t get her h a card which like you say, is the same thing.

Accept that she doesn't want to get you a present. Stop buying her one. It's not that important to her.

We don't get her DH a card which is clearly the exact same thing

Read that back to yourself.

Then get over yourself.

I'm hopeless with other people's birthdays and it would never occur to me to buy DHs sisters a present. I have no idea even what month they are in. They don't buy me (or him) one and we wouldn't expect it.

I think I'd just let DH buy his sister a present from him if he wants to and not get involved, to be honest.

Suggest to your DH that he sort out card and presents. Why is it your task?

@rothbury

We don't get her DH a card which is clearly the exact same thing

Read that back to yourself.

Then get over yourself.

Agreed.

And if you choose to do these things on behalf of your husband, it's obviously because you enjoy it.

Assuming he's able bodied when it comes to shopping and wrapping.

I can’t believe you’re upset they don’t give you anything when you don’t get her husband anything! That’s the exact same thing!
Just let your husband sort hers and the children’s presents out in future.

Stop buying for her. Either let DH buy or give nothing.

Just leave it to your husband to sort out hers. Maybe she doesn't really like the things you buy if she comments on the wrapping but it would be ungrateful to say that to you. Does she get anything for dh? To be honest I would just streamline the presents and buy yourself something you like instead.

Just stop buying for her then

You're "gutted" you don't get a card?

You're not a small child, ffs.

Stop buying for her if it upsets you. Although TBH as you don’t get her DH anything I can see why she wouldn’t bother getting you something

I would guess it’s to do with not getting her DH a card. I’d stop buying her presents too in all honesty and leave it to your DH

I wouldn’t gift either in her circumstances. You can’t not buy your BIL a gift but expect one as a SIL.

My BIL & SIL are the same, they remember everyone in the family but my birthday. I feel hurt too so I understand.

Yeah, if you don't get her husband anything then you can't complain can you? I don't think I get anything from my SIL for my birthday but then I don't get her anything. My husband shops for her and the rest of his side's birthday and Christmas gifts.

Does she even know when your Birthday is? My brother and his wife have been together ten years and we live quite close to them but I have no idea when SIL's Birthday is. It's just never come up.

But many years ago my siblings and I agreed not to get each other Birthday presents so neither DH or I get anything from them and neither of them get anything from us, so it's never been an issue.

I would try and get over it by realising the brother and sister receive a card and present and their spouses don't so you aren't beig treated unfairly. This notion that she knows it's from you and her DH is a man so isn't involved sounds highly spurious to me. If it makes you feel better, as a PP suggested, tell your DH to sort his sister's card and present out so you don't feel aggrieved unless him being a man means he's incapable.

Good luck.

I had this for years running around desperately trying to keep demanding in laws happy with nice gifts and getting extremely disappointing ones, or just being forgotten in return. Finally after one financially punitive Christmas I'd had enough.
After waiting for DH to do something, I finally sent them all a polite email saying that I could no longer buy presents for adults but would buy for the children. It took so much stress out of the situation.

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff What did your h do about birthdays etc before he met you?

I don’t get it. You think she should buy you a card and present because she is female and women are expected to do this - even though you don’t get anything for the equivalent person in her couple?

So you don’t get her DH anything but you think they should get you something? 🤨. Yes, as you even said yourself, it really is the exact same thing. Let your DH buy the present for his sister if it troubles you (well I would anyway, I don’t see it as my job to buy for DH’s family).

Incidentally I have never bought birthday presents for my siblings spouses and they never have for my DH either. I doubt they would even be mindful of the date of his birthday.

You can't expect anything back if you don't buy for her husband. Doesn't matter who wraps or buys the present.

This is such a weird thread on so many levels. Why would you NOT buy for your sibling’s husband/wife??? I can’t imagine doing that.

But yes OP if you don’t buy for your BIL then YABU

One of my pet hates is women who expect other women to get as enthusiastically on board with wife work as they do.

Why aren't you mad at BIL?

I'm hopeless at birthdays, and doubtless are scattering offence widely, though my husband is excellent at them. Just stop buying the gifts and feeling hurt.