To ask if you have misophonia or sensitive to neighbour music/loud music

[vogue87]

what are your mental coping mechanisms? I believe I have misophonia so hoping to get some tips from others who suffer.

I cannot do headphones or earphones but white noise or fan helps me block out the physical noise. But even if I have successfully covered the noise and cant hear it I am thinking about it! and then find myself trying to listen for it

So I mean more mental coping mechanisms, is there anything you do to help you calm down and focus and make your brain ignore it? Do you have any tips?

It has been an awful summer of noise so far and I struggle so so badly with loud music from other people it absolutely makes meltdown, it is miserable. I am hoping other people might have some tips to help me cope.

If I could pay to retrain my brain to not care I absolutely would in a heart beat

www.mynoise.net

got me through lockdown. Such a variety of white noises, birds singing, waves crashing... creates a whole different environment. Distracts as well as drowning out.

I had not heard of that site before thank you so much! that is amazing to be able to tailor it to what you want to cover

sorry meant to tag you in my pp @TheFoundations thank you

I have misophonia. Sadly my coping mechanisms are not vey mature and usually revolve around ranting, seething and being passive aggressive.

I really think (hope) that there will be better understanding of misophonia as a neurological disorder soon and that telling people to 'just be more tolerant' will be as unacceptable as telling autistic people to stop being autistic.

And then maybe the Mumsnet favourite of 'if you don't like noise go and buy a house in the middle of nowhere' will die a welcome death, consigned to the graveyard of 'comnents made by cunts'.

I use headphones though know you say you cant. But it really helps me along with white noise machines all.over the house. And I keep blinds down because if I can see the source of the noise it makes it worse. I find it isnt even the noise as such more the fear that it will be a persistent problem. It makes me feel trapped and triggers my fight response massively so I sympathise. The thing is I can cope with living in a v noisy household just fine because it is predictable noise and I have control over it but the fear of noisy neighbours paralyse me.

Sadly my coping mechanisms are not vey mature and usually revolve around ranting, seething and being passive aggressive

This did make me laugh, but only because I relate to it so much

Control is key to helping misophonics cope. And for me 'necessary' noise is easier to bear. I can't stand idling car engines for example because there's no purpose.

OP, no help I know but I wear earplugs. A lot. Every night without fail and many days too.

Oh my god! I didn’t know this was a thing. I’ve felt I’m going mad because i cannot cope with the constant racket from various neighbours.

I get the thing about “necessary noise” too.

Today I got Calmer earplugs to see if they help. I usually turn my music up madly loud to cover it. But I like just being peaceful in my home, so don’t always want that. I also rant and swear! 😂

And a

I have to control my breathing for certain sounds. I'm not very good with songs that are a certain speed, I couldn't even tell you which speed it is exactly just that I immediately feel panicked and a bit woozy and start sweating. I just have to concentrate very hard on my breathing to try and take my mind of it. I'm terrible with eating sounds and repetitive sounds too, like clocks and taps dripping. I try and talk to myself (in my head) about anything really to divert attention.

thank you all for your replies it makes such a huge difference to me knowing im not alone and i absolutely agree with so many of your points

i'm the same that i can deal better with necessary noise, diy doesnt bother me from ndn but if they play loud music i cant cope

also 100% agree with everything you said @flapjackfairy, with the feeling of being 'trapped' and the fear of it being persistent, and having no control.

ive just sent my extremely supportive dh out round the block to find out where the thumping bass is coming from, which will hopefully stop me from going to stand in the garden and listen for it like i have been every 20 mins for the past couple of hours. its torture but i cant stop.

I'm not dealing with it, and am like a bag of adders.

I could set fire to the wooden party shack in our NDN's garden that they built during lockdown. They're out there every night from 6pm to 1am, laughing, their dogs barking at everyone walking past, music and talking. They even put the TV out there to watch the football.

My face hurts from where my teeth are so clenched. Quiet rural village, lived here 20+ years with no issues until these arseholes moved in.

Hello my tribe!!!!

I wear earplugs around the house, and to sleep in, plus white noise. I can mostly tune out the kids but there’s a pigeon that lives on the roof and I could cheerfully strangle it, the hooty fucker.

I have a pigeon too, and I couldn't bear the noise, and then one day I looked out and it had laid an egg. I suddenly didn't mind the noise (the exact same noise that had been driving me up the wall) and have been feeding the pigeon ever since.

WHY ARE SOME NOISES OK?? I don't get it. It's so frustrating!

My previously lovely neighbours are now not speaking to us after we asked them to turn the noisy Ibiza music down when they had friends round in the garden. we have been neighbours for 14 years and have socialised many times.
They play the bloody music on a Friday night and occasionally we have had to move to another bedroom , they also play it at weekends where I can just annoyingly hear it over my TV AND that is almost as bad because it is there in the background.
It has stressed me unbelievably because every time I hear them in the garden now, I fear the music starting.
It feels so invasive because it comes right into my home.
I now silently despise them.

@spinningspaniels
That's sounds a nightmare. We need strong laws passing to limit noise esp late at night.
I would be tempted to buy the loudest chainsaw or garden strimmer possible and fire it up whenever they started up. I would leave it running as long as they were making a racket. Either that or i could as a last resort send dh round who would be seriously scary if he lost it !
And whoever thought up the idea of garden rooms and outdoor TVs should be taken out and shot in my opinion.

Yep, amongst friends. I have adhd, so can't filter noise out and have problems with emotional regulation, so a terrible combo for remaining calm. Bat hearing too.

oh my gosh @spinningspaniels that sounds absolutely unbearable you have my biggest sympathies, why are people so selfish? have you spoken to them or are they not worth approaching?

@Shuffleuplove tribe love it! it makes me feel so much better knowing im not on my own

3 of us have Misophonia, DD so severely it’s destroyed her teens, she’s currently having some success with EMDR and Prozac but we’re hoping that treatment will come following the seminal piece of research published by Newcastle university recently

www.flareaudio.com/products/calmer?gclid=CjwKCAjwruSHBhAtEiwA_qCppo7_8k-IfGp1lenutoz5vzIHjFgrk-dLYYJlLhFehvRtNoioq-4zPRoCJvwQAvD_BwE

I've found my people!

I have no advice for you OP I'm afraid. Like pp I just seeth.

Recently, somewhere nearby, there was this loud alarm going off for, I'm not joking, DAYS. It was like a fire alarm that someone had thrown in a bin or something. It drove me MAD as I needed my windows open because of the heat but all I could focus on was this repetitive beeping. Then one day it just stopped, the relief!

@IntrovertEm those are what I’ve got today. Here’s hoping!

Sadly I have no advice except that given by other posters to block or cover. Psychologically, what is affecting you badly is the fact that you cannot control the noise source and its being imposed upon you.

When I was a mature student a few years back I lived on a tough council estate where people used to put big speakers out on their balconies in weather like this. Even in the other side of my flat I could hear it. My only remedy when studying was to put on some loud music of my own which I could then proceed to ignore. If you can choose and control the source of the noise it makes a lot of difference.

Back in those days white noise and noise cancelling headphones were not heard of. Eventually someone would call the police (and possibly mention drugs) and the party would be raided.

@IntrovertEm these look good, do they work?

I'm not sure that misophonia is the same as having the perfectly reasonable hatred of listening to people disturbing your peace with their loud noise. Why are people so entitled/inconsiderate now? We live in increasingly smaller spaces and it seems to be acceptable to not bother about how you're encroaching on your neighbours.

I can't stand people tutting, squeaking a page as they turn it over, patting their hands on a steering wheel, taking crisps out of a packet whilst trying to disguise the noise they're making, or breathing loudly basically. I accept that this is my problem, but I will kill you when I get the opportunity .

Have you ever seen those little indoor lorries, they have them at airports and sometimes hospitals, transporting people and luggage around? And they beep constantly? I wouldn’t be able to stand that. I’d go on a rampage.