To ask if you have misophonia or sensitive to neighbour music/loud music

[vogue87]

what are your mental coping mechanisms? I believe I have misophonia so hoping to get some tips from others who suffer.

I cannot do headphones or earphones but white noise or fan helps me block out the physical noise. But even if I have successfully covered the noise and cant hear it I am thinking about it! and then find myself trying to listen for it

So I mean more mental coping mechanisms, is there anything you do to help you calm down and focus and make your brain ignore it? Do you have any tips?

It has been an awful summer of noise so far and I struggle so so badly with loud music from other people it absolutely makes meltdown, it is miserable. I am hoping other people might have some tips to help me cope.

If I could pay to retrain my brain to not care I absolutely would in a heart beat

You’re all my people.

Currently on a holiday park. One of the neighbours is having a jolly old time this evening. I know it’s me though as my DH has confirmed he can barely hear it. Neither can the kids or the dog! As soon as I could hear them talking I started to panic about them keeping me awake, not being able to tune them out and my escalating anxiety. Which of course makes the anxiety worse

I have no mature ways to deal with it either. I once broke up a party I was so incensed. Not my finest hour

I do find meditation helps though. I have the headspace app and sometimes that works.

Genuine question, why can't people wear headphones

As in people who can't wear them

We have lived in our home for over 30 years and have always been really happy, content and settled here. We live in a peaceful cul de sac and have lovely neighbours, I'm desperate not to have bad feeling between us, but I'm almost beside myself at the moment due to their new hot tub. They had one before but unless they were using it, it was completely silent. This new one is a much more expensive model that is plumbed in and instead of using chemicals it has some sort of keep clean function, so it switches on randomly all through the the day AND NIGHT. It sounds like a loud compressor or industrial fridge and the humming is driving me demented. It keeps me awake and intrudes into what used to be my peaceful days.

But I can see no solution. According to the internet, I'm not alone in suffering this intrusion, but Environmental health departments apparently say the level of noise they make, while irritating, isn't loud enough for them to step in, and anyway, as I said, we don't want to fall out with them.

You could ask them to put a timer on it so that it runs through its filtration during daylight hours.

Or sneak a box of porridge in. That’ll really fuck it up.

I can’t wear earphones because I want to hear what’s going on, not be stone deaf.

My neighbours had wind chimes. They really freaked me. I had to ask them to take them down.

It's eating noises and music for me. But to be fair, my own heart beat can bug the hell out of me too. I can't filter out bass beats. I have a knot in my stomach on sunny days when I open my back door not knowing what the neighbours will be doing.
I think control is a bog factor. Our neighbours had a huge party last weekend; but because we had been told in advance I felt less stressed about it because I knew what would be happening.
I sleep in noise cancelling headphones over ear plugs. On bad days I will also play white noise.
My next house is going to be in the middle of fucking nowhere.

I also get bass beat hate.

My downstairs neighbour has the most revolting, tubercular cough. She sits outside my window hacking, coughing, spittint and smoking heavily for hours on end. Literally hours. I feel really bad for her and I know she can't help it but it is SO horrible to listen to. I'm religious so I inwardly say a prayer for her rather than getting mad.
Bodily noises of any kind - heavy breathing, chewing etc disproportionately upset me and I've yet to find a coping mechanism. I have to get up from the table at family meals sometimes because I can't cope so you have my sympathies, OP

Ps should probably clarify, she doesn't have tuberculosis that I know of. I don't know what her condition is. It just sounds how I imagine tuberculosis or something of that nature would

There must be a way to deal with this. I have moved house because of noisy neighbours. Paying for some sort of therapy would have been far cheaper.

I can't stand two noises at once. I also wear hearing aids which of course amplify everything so I am constantly on edge.

We are away at the moment on the coast and the seagulls are making me want to dive under the waves but then I guess the bloody fish will be noisy!

@Hippywannabe

My previously lovely neighbours are now not speaking to us after we asked them to turn the noisy Ibiza music down when they had friends round in the garden. we have been neighbours for 14 years and have socialised many times. They play the bloody music on a Friday night and occasionally we have had to move to another bedroom , they also play it at weekends where I can just annoyingly hear it over my TV AND that is almost as bad because it is there in the background. It has stressed me unbelievably because every time I hear them in the garden now, I fear the music starting. It feels so invasive because it comes right into my home. I now silently despise them.

I don't have Misophonia but you've hit the nail on the head there Hippy and I now realise why I find persistent noise from neighbours so difficult to deal with - it's because it's invading your home, your space... In our first house it wasn't the noise of children playing out that bothered me per se but the loudness of balls banging against the side wall of our house and a gang of pre teens screaming and shouting as they climbed the wall ajoining our property and the entry. If you can't switch off and relax in your own home, where can you?

Can I join in? Never heard of misophonia but totally relate. Helicopters at night are my worst trigger. Proper panic attacks and palpitations. Even if they are imperceptibly quiet and far away (I know they will come closer and louder at some point. But don't know when. It's a killer)
Also chewing noises. Any mouth noises really.
Loads of things

I hate neighbour noise. Barking dogs. Music. Two noises at once. Any noise at all when I'm trying to sleep- stresses the life out of me!

@chunderwunder

I have misophonia. Sadly my coping mechanisms are not vey mature and usually revolve around ranting, seething and being passive aggressive.

I really think (hope) that there will be better understanding of misophonia as a neurological disorder soon and that telling people to 'just be more tolerant' will be as unacceptable as telling autistic people to stop being autistic.

And then maybe the Mumsnet favourite of 'if you don't like noise go and buy a house in the middle of nowhere' will die a welcome death, consigned to the graveyard of 'comnents made by cunts'.

Well said

I find it isnt even the noise as such more the fear that it will be a persistent problem. It makes me feel trapped and triggers my fight response massively so I sympathise. The thing is I can cope with living in a v noisy household just fine because it is predictable noise and I have control over it but the fear of noisy neighbours paralyse me.

This is exactly how I feel!!

[quote IntrovertEm]www.flareaudio.com/products/calmer?gclid=CjwKCAjwruSHBhAtEiwA_qCppo7_8k-IfGp1lenutoz5vzIHjFgrk-dLYYJlLhFehvRtNoioq-4zPRoCJvwQAvD_BwE[/quote]
Did you find these helped? I have some but wonder if I need to give them more time.

@Shuffleuplove

Hello my tribe!!!!

I wear earplugs around the house, and to sleep in, plus white noise. I can mostly tune out the kids but there’s a pigeon that lives on the roof and I could cheerfully strangle it, the hooty fucker.

This really made me laugh!! Snap.

I have misophonia.
There is definitely a lack of awareness amongst most people that it actually exists. It caused untold arguments between myself and family members who just didn't understand. I had to find videos on YouTube which explained the condition and forwarded them to relatives to help them understand why I would rage if one of them started eating an apple in my presence. Listening to someone eat an apple is number one on my list of trigger sounds. Other sounds that trigger me are more mouth/eating sounds like slurping/sucking up food, someone chewing with their mouth open, lip smacking. Some others are the clicking of a computer mouse, crying baby (apart from my own), the base of music and weirdly some foreign languages - especially when spoken quite loudly. I am sensitive to sounds and often I am asking my DP "Can you hear that?" and he has no idea what I'm on about.
I also can't stand repetitive movements. My mother does this thing where she interlocks her fingers and then makes little circular motions with her thumbs over and over again. It drives me insane. She doesn't realise she does it - it's a habit. And someone rubbing their feet together makes me boil.

My family have gotten better at understanding, but my brother just finds it funny and sometimes he will create a sound on purpose to trigger me. I don't think he realises just how torturous it can be. My mum is great. She won't eat apples around me anymore and if I see her doing her repetitive hand movement and I reach out and put my hand on top of hers to stop her, she doesn't say anything, she just stops doing it.

My coping mechanisms aren't great. If I can make the sound stop, I will. If I can't, but I can move away from the sound, I will. I will go into another room, or get off the bus, or move to another train carriage. In restaurants I've moved tables to get away from other diners who were triggering me.

The worst sounds are the ones you can't get away from.. those are usually when a neighbour has music playing and you can hear the bass. Or when someone is parked up outside, playing music in their car and again, you can hear the bass. I feel so agitated in those situations. Nothing seems to drown it out either. I try listening to sleep sounds and audio books to distract me (have to make sure the narrator hasn't got an annoying voice though)

@Wombat64

Yep, amongst friends. I have adhd, so can't filter noise out and have problems with emotional regulation, so a terrible combo for remaining calm. Bat hearing too.

OMG this is me to a T!

One of my DH's most infuriating habits is to make a snack and then I swear he will seek me out just to stand over me and eat it.

He knows about my zero tolerance for such things but still manages to get extremely offended when I remind him he's not f*^%ing exempt from being a trigger.

I use earplugs, I'm autistic & have supersonic hearing for anything that bothers me but sometimes can't hear someone speaking to me, do you have tinnitus as well? My only advice is to try to relax, do breathing exercises or practice mindfulness, find something relaxing to take your mind off it & keep you occupied.

@Macncheeseballs

Genuine question, why can't people wear headphones

Earplugs don't filter everything out, and blasting loud music into your ears all day isn't ok. If you need to concentrate on something, you need peace and quiet, not a loud sound covered up by a louder sound.