Background: OH and I have been together 4 years. He has 2 adult ds 30 and 34. They have never accepted our relationship. After split with their mum they decided he should be on his own if not with her. There is no OW scenario here, I came on the scene well after.
The 2 DS dictate elements of our lives. We can't frequent certain pubs and restaurants, can't post things together on social media, they will not see their dad if I am present, they will not visit our home and they have said if he tries to 'push the issue' they will have nothing to do with him. To me this feels like blackmail.
They both live at home with their mother, pay no rent and have what shall we say, not a great attitude towards women in general.
They contact their dad only if they want something, usually money or a problem solved (think collect something for them, give them a lift somewhere). If he does see them he has to organise and pay for whatever they do and this is few and far between. They don't even bother to see him on his birthday or fathers day and never even a card. They live a 5 minute walk away.
He accepts this as he wants to maintain a relationship with them (which I do understand). But I'm starting to lose respect for him as he gives in to what I can only call entitled behaviour and blackmail in staying part of their life. They have bad mouthed me, they don't even know me, have met me a handful of times, for a few minutes when paths accidently crossed.
I would understand if they were stroppy teens, straight out of their parents divorce, but I can't get my head around 2 grown men dictating like this and refusing to see him ever if he continues to acknowledge me in his life.
OH is doing nothing about it. Just accepting it all - for an easy life. He has also paid for their sport which they do since they were 17, which is about £100 a month and when he recently told them they need to start paying it themselves they were not impressed.
I'm actually very hurt over it all and I do get angry they can treat someone like this when I have done absolutely nothing to affect their life in any way. And I get angry at OH for not dealing with it.
As they dictate areas of our life, affecting what we can and cannot do and OH refusing to do anything about it.
AIBU to say enough is enough. They want nothing to do with me, after all this time, Thats fine.
I therefore want nothing to do with them and when OH is at my house I do not want him taking begging phone calls or texts when he is spending time with me. They won't see him or visit him at his if I'm there, So same goes when asking for money and favours in my house.
If they want money or problems sorting then OH can deal with it when he is not with me in my house, as for every other aspect they dictate I not be there.
I feel petty but I'm honestly so fed up of their crap and if OH is not going to call them out on it, this is my way of saying they can't have their cake and eat it.