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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School holidays shouldn’t be this much work?

107 replies

Libertyfree · 21/07/2021 22:41

DD at private school so broke up a few days ago.
I’m fed up already. It’s exhausting trying to arrange meet ups with anyone. She’s incapable of doing any organising herself. Can’t concentrate on anything craft/reading related for more than 10 mins (probably touch of ADHD). Only thing that keeps her occupied is tik tok or tv.
I’m Working from home at moment but struggling to do my work and keep DD entertained.
Any wisdom out there?

OP posts:
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 22/07/2021 07:29

DS2 is nearly 10 and also has ADHD. He manages to entertain himself as long as we're in the same room.

nancywhitehead · 22/07/2021 07:30

@rishisboater

If you think she has adhd you need to get her assessed. If she has a "touch" or "mild end of it" as you say then she needs a diagnosis because the way you handle things will need to be different.

She either has adhd or she doesn't.

Yes, also this.

What you need to do (if anything) will be different depending on whether she actually has ADHD or not.

What exactly do you mean when you say "mild end" of ADHD? If you just mean something like fairly high energy/ can't concentrate on things she's not interested in - that is probably a normal child - don't slap a label on her. If you actually think she has ADHD then get an assessment.

TheEelOfMisfortune · 22/07/2021 07:30

@waterrat

You surely can't expect an 11 Yr old to just occupy herself all day ...unless this is an area where kids have a bit of freedom to go off with friends? Drama club...youth club...sports clubs ?
Since when did parents entertain thier kids? If I had said, 'entertain me' when I was eleven my parents would have laughed in my face!
00100001 · 22/07/2021 07:33

@waterrat

You surely can't expect an 11 Yr old to just occupy herself all day ...unless this is an area where kids have a bit of freedom to go off with friends? Drama club...youth club...sports clubs ?
We had to at 11....
Iamblossom · 22/07/2021 07:36

My two sons were in holiday club, one sports, one general activities (thankfully the same one split into two) until the cut off date of 13.

Chunkymenrock · 22/07/2021 07:37

There often is a drama group summer school, if she's into that sort of thing?

Christmasfairy2020 · 22/07/2021 07:42

I sent my 11 year old to a sports camp yesterday she played football climbing wall hockey etc and everything all day. Based at the new school she is going to in September. Was for all primary kids and helped with transition as well. It was 10 pounds and she was exhausted

Standrewsschool · 22/07/2021 07:42

I guess if dc is an only child it is harder to entertain yourself all day.

However, can you perhaps give a structured day. Ie. Craft activities, painting, reading etc in the morning, and allow tv /screens in the afternoon. Also, sometimes it’s good for kids just to unwind, mooch around, get bored etc.

Christmasfairy2020 · 22/07/2021 07:43

I have a 6 Yr old and 11 year old and wfh. Tv on ipads on craft box out. Feed and water them with a drink out. Nil issues. 11 yr old sleeps till 11

Mrstreehouse · 22/07/2021 07:44

Tok Tok and YouTube videos are all very short snippets of videos. It’s no wonder our children can’t concentrate on anything longer. They’ve all been allowed to watch this crap from a young age and their attention spans are gone.

Mrstreehouse · 22/07/2021 07:45

And yes, totally agree that kids should be allowed to be bored. Usually something good comes from that!

ILiveInSalemsLot · 22/07/2021 07:47

Routines really help. Too much screen time wrecks their concentration.
I print off a list off Pinterest that has a holiday tick list of things to do before screen time.
It has things like
Make your bed
Help with chores
Do something creative
Do something active
Do some reading
I discuss all the options with dc to see what they could do for each activity. They want the reward of screen time so get it all done.
It might sound a bit prescriptive and dull but the structure and achievements keep them happy.

Terhou · 22/07/2021 07:49

@RocketPanda

Please explain how a person can be a touch ADHD?
Like most learning difficulties, ADHD is a spectrum. As I suspect most people querying this are well aware, OP is saying that her DD is at the less affected end of that spectrum.
CinnamonJellyBeans · 22/07/2021 07:53

Summer camp is a good idea. Also look at sports camps.

Confiscate her devices for part of the day and pay her to do housework or cook a meal and pudding from scratch.

If she doesn't like reading, you could try buying two copies of a book and reading them with her (not simultaneously, but discuss the characters, plot, predict) and let her choose the next book. Kids like to share books with their parents.

You need to model good behaviour in terms of what you do when you are not working. If you browse the internet and watch telly, she will do the same, so be mindful of that.

Youdiditanyway · 22/07/2021 07:59

Does she have a phone to contact her friends? My 11 year old does and I’d be encouraging him to get in touch with local friends to meet up with them.

Summer clubs are also an idea if not.

Handsnotwands · 22/07/2021 08:06

I’m surprised at everyone saying 11 is too young to be left unsupervised all day. Surely this was every child (and younger) of working parents throughout the lockdowns.

CheekiBreeki · 22/07/2021 08:13

@Handsnotwands

I’m surprised at everyone saying 11 is too young to be left unsupervised all day. Surely this was every child (and younger) of working parents throughout the lockdowns.
Me too. I wouldn't expect an 11 year old would need supervising and organising to this level.

At that age they are usually starting to take charge of their own social life.

GiantToadstool · 22/07/2021 08:14

Really? That wasn't the case for this years lockdown here. Either they were secondary in which they had interactive learning all day to occupy them. Or if they were primary and both parents worked /were unable to provide some supervision for the child they were encouraged to come into school. Very different to lockdown 1 - where workers who had their children fulltime were often furloughed or it was acknowledged they wouldn't be as productive in their work in most cases.

I am aware this experience isn't widespread! All the 11 year olds I know have parents who take leave to break up the week/ work their hours around each other/use holiday clubs or activity clubs (week sailing/acting/coding/baking)/send to granny. And again mumsnet shows how our experiences are all different but would be quite surprised at anyone working through the summer and genuinely ignoring their child 9-5 and hadn't made provision for their child in some way.

4PawsGood · 22/07/2021 08:18

My middle one is like this and being investigated for ADHD.

What we’re doing:
He’s allowed on screens all morning Blush
I take one day a week off, DH takes another. I don’t work Friday afternoons anyway.
Then on the other two afternoons we have a 19 year old who takes my younger two (9 and 11) out or plays with them here.

I have had some success giving middle one a list of things to do but that only takes up about fifteen minutes and results in lots of questions as it’s too much information at once.
Can you arrange some play dates and hope they are reciprocated? But even if they’re not, a friend to play with might make it easier for you to work. Send her out on her bike for a bit? Get her to do 10,000 steps a day with a cheap Fitbit type thing. Get her cleaning windows? Mine loves water. Find a non sporty sports club like badminton.

Confusedandshaken · 22/07/2021 08:21

@Daisychaincarrot

I want to know what her being at a private school has to do with anything.
It's an explanation for why she has broken up earlier than a child at a state school?
Jerima · 22/07/2021 08:25

She's on school holidays for a break, let her have one and let her do what she wants to do. Step back

sadperson16 · 22/07/2021 08:28

I think kids lives are so pressured, so structured at school, they lack the inner resources to motivate themselves and occupy themselves.
I'm not convinced by the touch of ADH idea.

GiantToadstool · 22/07/2021 08:28

@4PawsGood - that sounds a really good plan!

WeAllHaveWings · 22/07/2021 08:33

At 11 ds was out with local kids most days, only showing up (with friends) when hungry and not eating at another house.

Or arranged local clubs a few weeks (football, tennis, local leisure center where they were free to swim/skate/use games halls). Spent a few nights away with older cousins etc.

It can be an awkward age, but if she doesn't have local kids she can meet up with or if she is not able to make her own plans yet you'll need to pre arrange clubs for her for when you are working.

EverythingDelegated · 22/07/2021 08:49

It is a tricky age, when mine were that age they were ok for half days on their own but whole days several days a week is hard. We searched hard and found camps for them both to break things up a bit (sports/drama), it was expensive but I was still able to use childcare vouchers, the main problem was the pickups / drop off as they tended to be shorter days than childcare camps. We found an all day football one in walking distance of home that was a lifeline for DS for a couple of years, also his school did run one that went up to 14yos, but again it was only 10-4.

Can she take a bit of money and walk into town to buy a few things form the shops? Mine really liked the novelty of being sent to the supermarket with a short list at that age.

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