Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

School holidays shouldn’t be this much work?

107 replies

Libertyfree · 21/07/2021 22:41

DD at private school so broke up a few days ago.
I’m fed up already. It’s exhausting trying to arrange meet ups with anyone. She’s incapable of doing any organising herself. Can’t concentrate on anything craft/reading related for more than 10 mins (probably touch of ADHD). Only thing that keeps her occupied is tik tok or tv.
I’m Working from home at moment but struggling to do my work and keep DD entertained.
Any wisdom out there?

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 22/07/2021 00:16

My DD was diagnosed with ADD at 12....SHE can concentrate on things she likes...that's part of it. Doesn't mean she's got a 'touch' of it....you need to have your DD assessed. It can be very tricky when they get older.

RavingAnnie · 22/07/2021 00:23

@Libertyfree

By touch of ADHD I mean she’s probably got mild end of it. She can concentrate on things she likes. At 11 she’s too old for holiday clubs but not independent enough to organise anything herself.

You need to read up on ADHD. All people with ADHD can concentrate on things they like. Things need to be REALLY interesting for us to have enough dopamine to be able to focus. If we are very very interested we hyperfocus.

As others have said there is no "touch of ADHD" you either have it or not.

If you mean she has few or no hyperactive or impulsive traits she could have inattentive ADHD. Either way if you suspect ADHD you should get her assessed as it's very disabling especially as you get older.

marcapola · 22/07/2021 00:25

If you think your child might have ADHD you absolutely need to get them assessed and treated. ADHD is a serious condition that results in unmet potential and poorer outcomes in most areas of life. But it's also highly treatable. And just FYI, being able to concentrate on things one likes doesn't suggest the less serious end of the scale. Almost everyone with ADHD can focus on things they enjoy - that's how it works. The impairment is that you're almost pathologically incapable of focusing on anything you don't enjoy.

pastafeend · 22/07/2021 00:35

She broke up a few days ago

She has been on holiday for 2 weeks

Which one?

SeaToSki · 22/07/2021 01:18

Look at outschool.com

Enroll her in classes on how to monetize tiktok, how to create youtube content. How to program and how to video yourself to a professional level.

Take what she likes and turn it into an educational experience

Maggiesfarm · 22/07/2021 05:55

@TheOrigRights

To explain why they have broken up already? Most state schools in England haven't broken up yet.

I think very many have actually. OP did say her dc had only broken up 2 days ago, but I think means 2 weeks?

Private schools often break up two weeks earlier than state. I think the op said that, or someone did.

0None0 · 22/07/2021 06:26

@pastafeend

How old is she? I feel this is a vital piece of info

As an aside, you don't get 'a touch' of ADHD. You either have ADHD or you don't.

I was about to say exactly the same thing

0None0 · 22/07/2021 06:28

@Draineddraineddrained

Oh come on OP. You know you can't work and look after her properly at the same time, you're taking the piss out of your employer and giving DD the shitty end of the stick then blaming her for thinking it's shitty.

Absolutely!

stayathomer · 22/07/2021 06:40

I've an 11 year old who would do nothing all day if he got the opportunity but there's times I treat him as if he's you and set out puzzles,ask him to do all the lists of stuff we got from school over lockdown like taking twistables for a walk on paper, designing something, draw a picture of a brand or book cover, come up with a comic ...I get him books from the library even though hes not a reader and he does sometimes get interested and do it. I have 4 kids so not the same situation but I know how tempting it is to leave with a screen etc

Pantene23 · 22/07/2021 06:49

@Libertyfree please educate yourself about ADHD. She can’t “concentrate on things she likes”. What she can actually do is hyper focus on certain things. She probably likes her craft stuff etc but as that’s not her current hyper focus, she can’t do it. Set out a few activities at the same time, then she can move between when she gets bored. Or if she likes painting for instance, find some you tube videos that show you how to try a specific thing and let her follow that. Please try to limit screens, especially things like you tube. As you only have to concentrate on things for such a short span it does reinforce those behaviours. Also, let her be bored!

CustardyCreams · 22/07/2021 06:59

She is happy occupying herself with TikTok and TV, it’s just that YOU don’t approve of how she wants to spend her time. So you’ve got your thread wrong really. You should have written a thread about how you don’t like your privately-educated child rotting her brain watching TikTok and TV.

CrumpetyTea · 22/07/2021 06:59

Sounds quite like my 11 year old- not so much can't concentrate on other stuff but won't. If I hear the "I'm bored" one more time and seems to have no concept that he needs to organise things with his friends in advance.
I limit screen time. I do organise some things with his friends for him. I do organise some activities and I do suggest alternatives (which are generally declared boring). He does manage to find other things to do when the alternative is a chore.
I do send him to camps though as well- not all the time but enough to make the stuff at home seem more interesting.
We just did a two week holiday in lockdown as well...

CrouchEndTiger12 · 22/07/2021 07:02

I'd you weren't working you would be taking her out and doing things and occupying her. The issue isn't her doing nothing, it is you working full time and her being int he house all day because of it.

She doesn't get a choice. Arrange some activities.

SGBK4862 · 22/07/2021 07:05

It's normal for someone with ADHD to be able to concentrate on things they like. That's the point- it's the other stuff that causes the problem.

At 11 I still organised things for my ADHD daughter. At 20 she still needs advice, coaching and support at times.

SGBK4862 · 22/07/2021 07:07

By the way both mine spend an inordinate amount of their free time on their phones - mostly socialising, so it's not all bad. They've both made friends through online contact as well as staying in touch with RL friends.

beela · 22/07/2021 07:09

Really surprised at people who can’t work and look after dc after the year we’ve had.

I'm really surprised that anyone thinks it's a good idea to even try this after the year we've had, unless you absolutely have to (isolating etc).

Inni632 · 22/07/2021 07:09

@Libertyfree

By touch of ADHD I mean she’s probably got mild end of it. She can concentrate on things she likes. At 11 she’s too old for holiday clubs but not independent enough to organise anything herself.

I understood what you meant by a touch of :) some people like making issues out of nothing.

Summer holidays are long, expecting her to occupy herself for so long will just end up with her watching TV all day. I like the idea of activity clubs. Maybe 3 times a week if you can't do full time.

Butterfly44 · 22/07/2021 07:13

So what would have been your plan for her in a normal summer when working at your place of work? Just because you happen to be WFH that shouldn't change.

CheekiBreeki · 22/07/2021 07:14

What are her friends up to?

What sort of area do you live in? Can she not get around without you giving her a lift?

If there is public transport or friends in walking distance then she really should be organising herself. If you're isolated with no public transport and uoushe needs a lift from you then you must have seen this coming when you moved to wherever it is you live.

rishisboater · 22/07/2021 07:17

If you think she has adhd you need to get her assessed. If she has a "touch" or "mild end of it" as you say then she needs a diagnosis because the way you handle things will need to be different.

She either has adhd or she doesn't.

SheldonandAmy · 22/07/2021 07:17

If she is too old for holiday clubs what about short sessions of tennis, drama, dance, coding etc that often run 9am to 3pm? This assumes you have some flexibility to drop and collect.

Invite a friend over for the day, similar timings to the above. They can be bored together.

Otherwise I agree, its a long day for an 11 year old to entertain herself all the time.

popples19 · 22/07/2021 07:21

I spent one summer playing sims for 6 weeks. If she happy mooching about I would be tempted to just let her. Maybe go out for a walk together in the evening. If you want her to be off screens for a while maybe buy some slime kits or things of a similar nature, they keep my 10 year old happy.

deplorabelle · 22/07/2021 07:22

If possible, break the day into blocks that both you and DD know in advance. I try to start early to get hours under my belt before my boys are awake, then break early for lunch to do a short activity with them, then make lunch. After lunch they have a shorter block to fill on their own with a longer activity or trip out planned mid afternoon. Then I work again after or DH takes over.

I used to work fewer hours which was easier, and in non pandemic times one would go to a drama course for a week. On the whole mine hated holiday clubs and the like as too sport oriented.

Does your DD play a musical instrument? Music practice has been a godsend for giving my DSs focused activity they can spend hours on. Also Minecraft is great and they can play with friends over the internet.

In home learning time we did a lot of project work that DS2 really enjoyed so we will probably do some this holiday too. Making PowerPoint presentations to send to his younger cousins, writing letters to grandma etc.

DH and I also would take random days off through the holidays to break a week up.

deplorabelle · 22/07/2021 07:23

Sorry the app has stripped my paragraphs out. Hope you can read all that.

nancywhitehead · 22/07/2021 07:27

It can be good for kids to be bored sometimes.

What does she do if you don't give her something to do or arrange something for her? Is her behaviour a problem? Why do you feel the need or feel it's your role to keep her entertained?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5