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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you'd complain about this?

96 replies

accom · 20/07/2021 16:21

DS is 14, he has adhd, he is on medication but he still is hyperactive at times. The school is fine with him leaving the classroom to go and sit somewhere to calm down as he can't focus. Today, probably because of the heat and him eating sweets (the whole class was given them and he didn't want to be the odd one out so he ate them) he couldn't focus in his last lesson, he asked the teacher (it was a cover teacher so they don't know him) if he could go to his head of year or the learning support room to calm down and he was told no, DS then kept walking around the classroom so ended up getting into trouble. He told the teacher he couldn't do his work but the teacher told him to shut up and stop being disruptive or he’d be given a consequence (c1/c2 etc and c1 is a warning but the rest are detention etc). DS told me he put his head on the desk to try and behave but apparently the teacher didn't like that either and gave him a c and wrote in his planner that he was refusing to do his work.

Would you complain about this or let it go?

OP posts:
Whatinthelord · 20/07/2021 16:22

If there is a plan in place that states he is allowed to leave classroom when needed then I’d contact the school. They should pass this information on to cover staff.

Original poster
accom · 20/07/2021 16:26

DS was given a pass to show his teachers but he couldn't find it so the teacher assumed he was lying.

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 20/07/2021 16:28

I would perhaps send an email to the school to remind them that strategies in place for your son should be passed on to teachers who are covering.

Megasausagehead · 20/07/2021 16:31

I would yes.

A sub should be informed ahead of time if teaching a class where students have specific needs.

It's a safeguarding issue.

whitershadeofpale · 20/07/2021 16:31

I think it’s a combination of factors. I wouldn’t complain but I would highlight that this sort of information should be passed on to cover staff. However, at 14 your DS should be taking some responsibility and make sure he has his pass and communicates his needs.

Megasausagehead · 20/07/2021 16:33

My DD 15 is diabetic. It is essential sub's are informed of her needs. It isn't her responsibility. The school has a duty of care.

AlmostSummer21 · 20/07/2021 16:35

I don't know 'complain' is the right word, but I'd definitely email and say how disappointed I was that the 'cover' had not been informed of his situation & that when he tried to explain she was dismissive and when he tried to control it he got in trouble. I'd ask how they can make sure he doesn't end up in this situation again. There are many ways around it, even with a lot of 'cover' teachers.

I'd explain to DS how the cover teachers don't know the kids/rules and are just doing their best, even when it's not good enough etc.

However, this week has been absolutely mental for teachers, TA's, Admins etc being off isolating. My friends job is to make sure all the classes have a teacher. In a school of 1500, she's had 25 staff of isolating (some contact, some with Covid) and has really struggled to get an adult body (DBS checked) to be in the room with the kids, let alone one with the appropriate skills to teach the subject. She's on her knees!! So I imagine most schools are struggling or closing!

So I'd try to keep that in mind whilst finding out what DS can do if he's in that situation and promoting them to put in place a system where this won't happen to any child going forward!

I hope DS is, these things can be very upsetting to all children, but especially those with SN who are doing their best to cope

DancesWithTortoises · 20/07/2021 16:35

Supply teachers are used to DCs lying so, without the pass, I guess that's what he thought was happening.

If your son had had the pass it wouldn't have happened, would it? Hardly fair to have a go at the teacher for your son's mistake.

Original poster
accom · 20/07/2021 17:00

DS told me he was looking for the pass in his bag but he was told to put his bag down as he was disrupting the lesson.

OP posts:
Megasausagehead · 20/07/2021 17:02

I'm sorry but that is not right.

Yes teachers are under pressure, but humanity costs nothing.

Whatinthelord · 20/07/2021 17:02

@accom

DS told me he was looking for the pass in his bag but he was told to put his bag down as he was disrupting the lesson.
I’d really love to think this wasn’t true but having worked in schools there is the odd a hole teacher that don’t seem to every listen to children or attempt to be suppprtive.

Might be useful feedback if the teacher was a supply so the school know of the issue in case they use them again.

Original poster
accom · 20/07/2021 17:29

I'm also very annoyed that he got a consequence and a comment In his planner when he tried to stop being disruptive by putting his head down as then the teacher was disrupting the lesson to tell him off!

OP posts:
LongTimeMammaBear · 21/07/2021 07:10

Perhaps going forward the pass is kept in the planner as really it is you DC responsibility to show the pass.

I’d certainly write to the school with your disappointment, ask perhaps if this entry into his planner could be removed and as well to use this experience as a lesson for your son to keep the pass in his planner to how to cover staff at the start of lessons. This way, any future issues could be easily avoided.

LunaLula83 · 21/07/2021 07:17

His pass was given for a reason. Dont loose it

RedHelenB · 21/07/2021 07:27

@Megasausagehead

My DD 15 is diabetic. It is essential sub's are informed of her needs. It isn't her responsibility. The school has a duty of care.
For her own well being she should think of it as her responsibility. Yes, ultimately the school is in loco parentis but at age 15 she should be managing her own illness. I've had younger children tell me about their medical needs.
Megasausagehead · 21/07/2021 07:33

Her age is irrelevant if she has a hypo.

Even a grown adult couldn't tell you if they were having a hypo @RedHelenB

But thanks anyway

SeasonFinale · 21/07/2021 07:36

Sorry but your story changed part way through which makes me inclined to believe that your DS did not have his pass which is the method your school has chosen to deal with these types of situation so I am afraid I would say not to complain and for DS to learn to take responsibility for ensuring he has his pass either on him or easily accessible.

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 07:45

I don't think those saying he shouldn't have lost the pass really understand how adhd can be.

Seems pretty daft to me they expect these not to be lost.

The cover person should have been made aware of your son's needs and in any case if they weren't I assume they'd be experienced enough to have seen your son's behaviour and thought to consider for a moment that there may be something going on there rather than assume he was lying.

I would absolutely complain.

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 07:47

I think my daughter got through 11 passes one term. It's not that he has to "learn responsibility" it's more a case of the trained adults involved to make sure his needs are met.

Megasausagehead · 21/07/2021 07:48

@rishisboater

I don't think those saying he shouldn't have lost the pass really understand how adhd can be.

Seems pretty daft to me they expect these not to be lost.

The cover person should have been made aware of your son's needs and in any case if they weren't I assume they'd be experienced enough to have seen your son's behaviour and thought to consider for a moment that there may be something going on there rather than assume he was lying.

I would absolutely complain.

Agreed. That's how safeguarding and duty of care work.

You cannot abrogated responsibility on to the child because you cba.

Highfive2021 · 21/07/2021 07:49

Absolutely bring it to the schools attention, sounds like he did his best to regulate himself.

MaMaD1990 · 21/07/2021 07:50

I wouldn't complain as such. If this teacher didn't know, its not really their fault. I would email the school to explain what happened and ask that any support teachers are told about your sons needs and the support given to him so this doesn't have to happen again. It just seems like a lack of communication on schools part which needs to be addressed.

Carrott21 · 21/07/2021 07:57

Yes definitely speak to the SENDCo. Ours was always getting calls like this and the Cs would be removed. As a TA I would have to report what had happened, if the plan had been followed by the teacher etc.

ObviousNameChage · 21/07/2021 08:16

I'd definitely speak to the school. Not necessarily to complain, but a reminder that any cover teachers need to be reminded of your DS's needs and the adjustments put in place for him.

2bazookas · 21/07/2021 08:34

I would let the school know, in writing, and in full detail as in your post, top make sure your son's public censure and embarrassment by the staff member is known. I might even request a meeting with that teacher and the head of year. Suggest that the school arrange some codeword/phrase for your son and pupils like him, to use in class when they need to go and calm themselves; and make sure this is agreed with all members of staff.

The letter would end, !"I look forward to your reply".