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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you'd complain about this?

96 replies

accom · 20/07/2021 16:21

DS is 14, he has adhd, he is on medication but he still is hyperactive at times. The school is fine with him leaving the classroom to go and sit somewhere to calm down as he can't focus. Today, probably because of the heat and him eating sweets (the whole class was given them and he didn't want to be the odd one out so he ate them) he couldn't focus in his last lesson, he asked the teacher (it was a cover teacher so they don't know him) if he could go to his head of year or the learning support room to calm down and he was told no, DS then kept walking around the classroom so ended up getting into trouble. He told the teacher he couldn't do his work but the teacher told him to shut up and stop being disruptive or he’d be given a consequence (c1/c2 etc and c1 is a warning but the rest are detention etc). DS told me he put his head on the desk to try and behave but apparently the teacher didn't like that either and gave him a c and wrote in his planner that he was refusing to do his work.

Would you complain about this or let it go?

OP posts:
romdowa · 21/07/2021 08:38

@accom

DS told me he was looking for the pass in his bag but he was told to put his bag down as he was disrupting the lesson.
Also I would be complaining about the fact that they are relying on him to show this pass. Misplacing things is a common issue with adhd, it's crazy to put the onus on him to have to keep him safe. There has to be a better system.
2bazookas · 21/07/2021 08:42

@DancesWithTortoises

Supply teachers are used to DCs lying so, without the pass, I guess that's what he thought was happening.

If your son had had the pass it wouldn't have happened, would it? Hardly fair to have a go at the teacher for your son's mistake.

The teacher should have noted the behavioural evidence that something was amiss and not leapt straight to the conclusion he was lying about a Pass. Especially, if she knows that school does use a Pass system. It would not be unusual for a child with that diagnosis, to be too stressed to find the pass.

Had I been that teacher, I'd have asked other pupils " Can anyone confirm that Tom usually has a pass to leave the room?

Constellationstation · 21/07/2021 08:48

@DancesWithTortoises

Supply teachers are used to DCs lying so, without the pass, I guess that's what he thought was happening.

If your son had had the pass it wouldn't have happened, would it? Hardly fair to have a go at the teacher for your son's mistake.

People with ADHD frequently displace things. This is like saying it would be a dyslexic pupil’s responsibility to always make sure their spellings are correct.
rishisboater · 21/07/2021 09:00

@2bazookas yes I'm disappointed in the class that no one spoke up for him. Not that they should have to of course

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 09:03

The whole pass business is real bugbear if mine. There are a range of reasonable adjustments they could make to their process that would be much more helpful for a child with adhd who regularly misplace things.

A note against the name in the register, a code word, a pass on his phone, a note in his planner... asking a child with adhd to keep track of a scrap of paper is ridiculous

summersflowers · 21/07/2021 09:06

@LunaLula83

His pass was given for a reason. Dont loose it
Given that a huge aspect of adhd is that people struggle with organisation I think this is really unfair.

I think I sympathise with everyone here. I agree that I wouldn’t complain but just call in and explain it was literally a series of unfortunate events.

CatherineCawood · 21/07/2021 09:07

@LunaLula83

His pass was given for a reason. Dont loose it
You clearly know nothing about ADHD and executive functioning disorder. Losing items, even very very important ones is part of the disorder. He would have felt awful at not being able to find it. People with ADHD's lives are blighted by losing stuff.

I'm on engagement ring no 4.... fortunately I have a very understanding husband ☺

KarmaStar · 21/07/2021 09:18

He had no pass so no I would not.
It's the end of a long difficult term for teachers op,cut them some slack,it's the end of term.

CorvusPurpureus · 21/07/2021 09:22

Going forward, I'd suggest a spare pass stapled into his planner.

The issue the cover teacher has is that she'd be in trouble if she let kids leave the classroom & they then disturbed another lesson/went for a fag in the loo/left the school site...plus, frankly, if you're covering a lesson & you're an unfamiliar face, there is always at least one student trying something on.

The school needs better systems, but that's not easy. Where I work we do internal cover (private sector), so a) you generally already know the kids & b) you're logged in to the online register, so you can quickly see any additional needs or adjustments.

It would obviously not be appropriate to give the log in details to a one-off outside agency cover. So then you'd hope to find a printout with salient information for each class, which is easy enough for a planned absence, but not so much if swathes of staff are being sent home at a moment's notice to isolate etc.

I think I'd point out that the school failed to give the cover teacher the pupil info she needed to deal with this situation effectively, & it would be appreciated if they review these procedures. You can also reasonably expect ds's detention/sanction cancelled.

Bagelsandbrie · 21/07/2021 09:24

Yes definitely email and say something. Anyone covering a lesson should at the very least be given some sort of briefing about which students might need extra support and any specific plans in place.

Sittingonabench · 21/07/2021 09:27

Well if the system is that he has a pass to show when this situation happens and the pass wasn’t shown then I can see why the teacher has responded the way they have. Of course you are to advocate for your son but you need to see it from their perspective as well, they have 30 children who they need to keep safe and focused.

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 09:30

@KarmaStar

He had no pass so no I would not. It's the end of a long difficult term for teachers op,cut them some slack,it's the end of term.
I don't agree. So if it's the week before my holiday at work can I just make a load of mistakes? Lots of teaching friends and family here and I have utmost respect for what they do but they're responsible right up to the very end of the last day of term.
alloalloallo · 21/07/2021 09:31

I don't think those saying he shouldn't have lost the pass really understand how adhd can be.

Seems pretty daft to me they expect these not to be lost.

Yes, posters are clearly displaying their ignorance of ADHD there

I’d definitely complain OP

My DD has Tourette’s and whilst on the whole her year team and most of her teachers were absolutely brilliant, there was always these kinds of issues with substitute teachers or staff that didn’t know her. Several times she was sent out of the room for swearing, not wearing a mask, distracting the class, etc.

Once, the head teacher sent her to isolation for not wearing a mask because DD couldn’t find her school issued mask exemption - totally ignoring the fact that DD was in the middle of a nasty tic attack at the time

Complain, complain, complain! You don’t have to kick up a fuss, I used to send a calm email to her year learning mentor

Bagelsandbrie · 21/07/2021 09:32

Surely it doesn’t take much to have a list of children who have a “hall pass” so even if the physical pass is lost the teacher can just check the name on a list?!

(My son has a red card / pass for autism related issues).

BlackeyedSusan · 21/07/2021 09:34

Of course he lost the pass that is part of the disability. Complain. They have punished him for his disability. Ask for the consequence to be removed. Ask how they are going to prevent it happening again.

Girasole02 · 21/07/2021 09:36

Just for context, I'm a Supply Teacher with 25 years experience. Often it is the case that I get a call at 8.15 to be at the school, in the classroom and ready by the start of the day. I sign in and usually get handed a sheet with that days lessons on by someone (often admin so they don't know the students!) often on their way to somewhere else and then left to get on with it. It is very rare that I get info on individuals. I usually pick up on issues if it is a school I visit a lot and get to know the students. Covid has made things even more rushed and ad hoc with people phoning in sick late morning or having to go home during the day. What happened to your son should not have happened and I probably would have dealt with things differently (asked a teacher next door for verification etc) but that's easy to say looking from the outside in. The teacher may have never visited that school before, may have had a day of children taking the mick because they've 'got supply'. I would almost certainly say it happened due to a lack of information not out of malice. I admit I love my job, always give it my best shot and do my utmost to have a good day at the schools I visit and make sure the best interests of the children are at heart. I regularly ignore the no toilet in lesson time rule if I think it's genuine and am prepared to take any complaints from the school on the chin! but, despite my best, I may have got it wrong. Asking the school if the teacher was actually given the info is your starting point. Wishing you and your son all the best.

Youdiditanyway · 21/07/2021 09:37

I’d bring it to the school’s attention but wouldn’t necessarily complain. I remember secondary school all too well and definitely had people in my class who would chance things like this to get kicked out of lesson when they were fed up. Teachers will deal with things like this all of the time so the teacher obviously just thought he was another one chancing his luck. In short, he should have had his pass in his bag and if he’s misplaced it he needs another. It would have saved him from this situation.

Siite · 21/07/2021 09:42

@Bagelsandbrie

Yes definitely email and say something. Anyone covering a lesson should at the very least be given some sort of briefing about which students might need extra support and any specific plans in place.
When do you suggest there's time outside timetabled lessons to do this?

Supply staff often arrive after the start of the school day and are allocated up to six different groups, perhaps covering different teachers.

Confidential information can't just be 'printed' and 'handed out' as some seem to suggest and of course it's not acceptable to provide access to secure systems.

As far as I know, our school doesn't give Any student information to external visitors.

BlackeyedSusan · 21/07/2021 09:44

No, the school need to make sure they can meet the needs of his disability. Part of his disability is losing everything. They need a system that takes account of this.

Megasausagehead · 21/07/2021 09:46

Oh I don't know, they could follow their safeguarding policy, which will cover such scenarios.

IntermittentParps · 21/07/2021 09:46

The cover teacher sounds shit, and the school need to pass on vital info like this to anyone who comes in contact with the pupils.
While I wouldn't use the word 'complain', I think you should absolutely talk to the school about what happened and about how they're going to make sure it doesn't happen again.

IntermittentParps · 21/07/2021 09:48

In short, he should have had his pass in his bag

The OP has said, 'DS told me he was looking for the pass in his bag but he was told to put his bag down as he was disrupting the lesson.'

In short, read the OP's posts properly.

Makingnumber2 · 21/07/2021 09:51

I would politely raise the issue with school and if the school uses a register system like SIMs could you suggest that the information about his time out pass is added to the Quick note box on his student profile. Cover staff have access to the register system to register the classes they cover so they would be able to then verify his time out pass if he asked to go out the room but didn't have his physical copy of the pass? Or the school might use a software package for seating plans etc which cover/supply teachers can access and his time out pass info could be added there. Yes, in an ideal world he wouldn't lose his pass, but for some student their ADHD involves struggles with organisation so it isn't always realistic to expect them to never lose the pass they've been issued. Finally, they could have just allowed him out the room and told him to return with a note from the staff member supervising the space he wished to go and use? I guess it depends on the school's policy etc.

DumplingsAndStew · 21/07/2021 09:54

What a sad lack of understanding about ADHD there is by many on this thread.

Still such an ignorant idea that those with ADHD are just the naughty kids that won't do what they're told.

No excuse. Educate yourselves before weighing in on issues you don't understand.

alloalloallo · 21/07/2021 10:03

and if the school uses a register system like SIMs could you suggest that the information about his time out pass is added to the Quick note box on his student profile

Yes, my DD had a pupil passport which listed all her special and access arrangements and was available through her SIMS student profile - which substitute teachers could access as she was regularly given behaviour points through it - which her mentor would then go and remove

The information is available, substitute teachers need to be making themselves aware of it. It’s not ok to say, well I didn’t have time.

In short, he should have had his pass in his bag

In short, a pass system is not meeting his needs. They need to come up with another way. My DD’s tics ripped up every pass she was given - her school made sure all her passes were laminated going forwards