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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do some have easy pregnancies and others don't?

130 replies

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 20/07/2021 09:33

Just that really.
I think about how lucky I was to never have any morning sickness or back pain or swollen ankles. I was overweight at the time of getting pregnant the second time and had only had my first twelve months before. Even running about with a toddler felt relatively easy and photos of the time show me looking happy and relaxed (sort of.) This isn't a brag honest!
My friend is already having frequent days off with sickness when she is younger and healthier than I was when I conceived my first. My other friend had morning sickness so bad she seriously considered whether she could continue the pregnancy. Do medics understand what makes some people breeze through pregnancy and not others?
With mine I found out late both times (eight weeks with number 1 and six weeks with number 2) so I can't have had much in terms of physical symptoms.
Just from anecdotal evidence, I feel there is no correlation between the lifestyle of the mother and how difficult a pregnancy you will have.

OP posts:
Reallyreallyborednow · 20/07/2021 11:23

Well done for not ascribing your easy pregnancies to your own ‘positive outlook/moral superiority/general fabulousness’!

Yes I hates with an absolute passion the people who insisted that yoga/going to the gym/hypnobirthing/positive thinking/mind over matter was the reason they had a wonderful birthing experience Hmm. With the underlying suggestion that if i’d just done what they did I could have had a wonderful birth too (without actually asking if I had done any of it)

interesting. I wasn't very slim (bmi 22 maybe?) but very fit!

You don’t think a BMI of 22 is slim? Especially if you are fit (as in more muscle:fat).

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 20/07/2021 11:37

I think there needs to be more information out there that not all pregnancies are the same and, in particular, this needs to go to HR departments.
It really pissed me off when the other men I worked with said things like 'my wife never had any time off' or 'you don't say your feet hurt, why does (pregnant colleague) need to sit down all the time'? Because I was a size 18 and colleague was a size 10 they thought she would necessarily have an easier time of it. Working in retail during both pregnancies meant there was a lot of eyerolling from colleagues about most aspects of pregnancy, they were honestly more sympathetic to hungover staff than they were about us!

OP posts:
WeatherForecast · 20/07/2021 11:46

@AiyaNapawithmorenaps

I think there needs to be more information out there that not all pregnancies are the same and, in particular, this needs to go to HR departments. It really pissed me off when the other men I worked with said things like 'my wife never had any time off' or 'you don't say your feet hurt, why does (pregnant colleague) need to sit down all the time'? Because I was a size 18 and colleague was a size 10 they thought she would necessarily have an easier time of it. Working in retail during both pregnancies meant there was a lot of eyerolling from colleagues about most aspects of pregnancy, they were honestly more sympathetic to hungover staff than they were about us!
They know, they just don't care.

Tbh by law they can't count pregnancy related sickness against your sick record, or pregnancy appointments. You can't do anything about ignorance from colleagues but hopefully your workplace are abiding by the law. I must have been off a day every week or two in early, early pregnancy, I was literally too tired to keep my eyes open!

FakeFruitShoot · 20/07/2021 11:56

I find this really interesting. I would love to see women's obstetric health mattering enough that there was research into it.

I've had 4 DC, all planned, have spent only 7 months TTC in total, no pregnancy losses, not sick a single time, easy pregnancies (able to camp, walk miles a day, work etc even in last few weeks) with spontaneous vaginal deliveries, easy recoveries.

My mum had very difficult pregnancies, polyhydramonous, post-partum haemorrhage every time, 2 emergency caesarean births etc.

I firmly, firmly believe that while there are things that can boost chances of pregnancy, labour and birth being straightforward, a massive dose of it is luck. And some of it is a "choice" which it might be easy to feel smug about (eg a healthy weight or a non smoker) but the background factors mean it was never a free choice.

Terrazzo · 20/07/2021 12:07

I feel brill when I’m pregnant and I have a theory that my hormones are usually a bit off, so pregnancy gets them to a good place. Whereas for women who have good hormones before pregnancy, the extra/different hormones take them over that peak to the other side so they feel shit.

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 20/07/2021 12:13

@Terrazzo that's interesting, I feel I have a lot of testosterone. I'm hairy, sweaty, my periods have always been super light and I feel fantastic when pregnant too. Maybe it 'evens me out'?
Note: I'm not a medic so this is probably a stupid hypothesis.

OP posts:
ForgedInFire · 20/07/2021 12:19

I think a lot of it comes down to luck. I had 2 uncomfortable pregnancies (though no real health issues) and one very easy breezy pregnancy. The easy pregnancy was the one where I was at my heaviest (very obese actually) but was a SAHM to 2 children. Not working definitely helped. My easy pregnancy was my boy and my more tricky ones were both girls, maybe there is a hormonal element

HarebrightCedarmoon · 20/07/2021 12:26

Being fit, healthy and a healthy weight before you get pregnant helps, also it can be more difficult over 35/more complications. Also eating healthily in pregnancy to avoid excessive weight gain. This is no guarantee, you could still have a rough time but it gives you the best chance of having an easier pregnancy and more straightforward birth.

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 20/07/2021 12:28

@HarebrightCedarmoon I respectfully disagree. I had a BMI of 37 when I got pregnant, drank like a fish prior to pregnancy, ate lots of everything. My colleague was a size 10, vegan, cooked everything from scratch, teetotal. It's just luck.
Would be really helpful if a midwife came on here!

OP posts:
HarebrightCedarmoon · 20/07/2021 12:34

Yes I hates with an absolute passion the people who insisted that yoga/going to the gym/hypnobirthing/positive thinking/mind over matter was the reason they had a wonderful birthing experience hmm. With the underlying suggestion that if i’d just done what they did I could have had a wonderful birth too (without actually asking if I had done any of it)

Yoga, correct breathing and self-hypnosis techniques definitely helped me with labour the second time round. Obviously the fact it was my second and I felt much more confident was a big factor. The thing is though, if you try that stuff, but are open minded that you might need more pain relief and are generally well clued up as to what the options are then it really doesn't do any harm to try.

If you are sceptical, when you next have a pain or are feeling anxious and upset, just notice the difference in doing long, steady out breaths vs shallow, short breaths that we tend to do in these situations. It really does dial down the pain and anxiety.

Reallyreallyborednow · 20/07/2021 12:35

Being fit, healthy and a healthy weight before you get pregnant helps, also it can be more difficult over 35/more complications. Also eating healthily in pregnancy to avoid excessive weight gain. This is no guarantee, you could still have a rough time but it gives you the best chance of having an easier pregnancy and more straightforward birth

Do you have any evidence of this? In keeping with the thread o/p is asking if there is any actual evidence that x, y and z results in an easier or harder birth.

So have any studies been done that back up your post? I agree it would make sense, even though I was all of those things and had emcs. I even had the proper “child bearing hips” and a family history of females dropping babies on the bathroom floor. My mum actually thought any labour over 2 hours meant something had gone wrong.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 20/07/2021 12:39

Just luck of the draw. There'll be something in your dna or biochemistry but it'll be hard to pin down. I got pregnant the first month of trying, lost it at 8 weeks and got pregnant again straight away. Dream pregnancy, loved it, worst I got was acid reflux at the end. But then I just didn't go into labour, DS was huge and not going low enough, ended up with a long drawn out induction that didn't take and an emergency C Section after DSs HR went haywire while I threw up everywhere.
Friend had a shitty pregnancy and dream labour 🤷‍♀️

HarebrightCedarmoon · 20/07/2021 12:39

[quote AiyaNapawithmorenaps]@HarebrightCedarmoon I respectfully disagree. I had a BMI of 37 when I got pregnant, drank like a fish prior to pregnancy, ate lots of everything. My colleague was a size 10, vegan, cooked everything from scratch, teetotal. It's just luck.
Would be really helpful if a midwife came on here! [/quote]
I don't think we are disagreeing. I said there were no guarantees but you are giving yourself the best chance by being fit and healthy. Yes, you might well be lucky/unlucky on either side, but the fact remains that women who are obese before pregnancy are more likely to have complications and interventions.

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/related-conditions/existing-health-conditions/overweight/

Reallyreallyborednow · 20/07/2021 12:40

*Yoga, correct breathing and self-hypnosis techniques definitely helped me with labour the second time round. Obviously the fact it was my second and I felt much more confident was a big factor. The thing is though, if you try that stuff, but are open minded that you might need more pain relief and are generally well clued up as to what the options are then it really doesn't do any harm to try.

If you are sceptical, when you next have a pain or are feeling anxious and upset, just notice the difference in doing long, steady out breaths vs shallow, short breaths that we tend to do in these situations. It really does dial down the pain and anxiety*

Again, patronising shit that if I’d have done all that stuff I’d have been less anxious/had less pain or whatever.

I did all the hypnobirthing stuff. I am not sceptical in the slightest that relaxation techniques can help manage labour and improve experience.

What it cannot do is fix problems that mean intervention is needed. No amount of breath control will negate the need for a c-section, forceps, and no amount of yoga will avoid the pain of a placental rupture.

I was calm. I was using my breathing to control anxiety. Baby still nearly died.

Shodan · 20/07/2021 12:40

I don't know.

I had very bad periods as a teen, to the point where I was prescribed the pill to improve them (which it did). But both my pregnancies were easy, not even any morning sickness, so no correlation there (for me, anyway). I got pregnant easily too, coming off the pill and falling pregnant as soon as the recommended waiting period ended. There was 12 years between each one too, so I don't think that age has anything to do with (was an 'old' mum for the 2nd).

But my sister had very different experiences with her four.

The health visitor did say that being fit and active prior to birth probably helped my recovery afterwards, but nothing to do with ease of pregnancy.

Whatever the reasons are, I was (and still am) very very grateful. Maybe one day research will be done and the days of difficult pregnancies will be over (probably won't happen until men can get pregnant tho Grin Hmm)

HarebrightCedarmoon · 20/07/2021 12:41

Here is another article about age:

www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/tests-scans-and-antenatal-checks/pregnancy-and-birth-for-women-over-35

Slipperfairy · 20/07/2021 12:42

Luck or genetics. The very fact you're alive and posting here suggests your ancestors managed it. I know a scary number of women who wouldn't have survived cb or lost their babies 100 years ago

HarebrightCedarmoon · 20/07/2021 12:45

I'm sorry that your baby still nearly died @Reallyreallyborednow and that your found my post patronising. I definitely did not say that if you do all that you will be guaranteed a problem-free birth, but that it does no harm to try. I'm sure you couldn't have done any more than you did.

Somethingsnappy · 20/07/2021 12:56

Well, I've had 4 and each one was remarkably different! My most recent (aged 43) was by far my easiest!

Thoughtcontagion · 20/07/2021 13:01

I done everything I could during pregnancy both times, my mum had me by c section, my paternal nan had my dad and his sister via c section, apparently she could only deliver a 3lb baby she had X-rays, my aunt couldn’t have children at all, spent 10000s on ivf and that failed too, my post further up explains the births I had, wouldn’t wish them on anyone especially the 2nd, I had nerve damage after, after 3 days of absolute hell I was rushed for a c section I’m lucky we are both still here

WeatherForecast · 20/07/2021 13:06

[quote AiyaNapawithmorenaps]@HarebrightCedarmoon I respectfully disagree. I had a BMI of 37 when I got pregnant, drank like a fish prior to pregnancy, ate lots of everything. My colleague was a size 10, vegan, cooked everything from scratch, teetotal. It's just luck.
Would be really helpful if a midwife came on here! [/quote]
@HarebrightCedarmoon
is correct.

Having an obese BMI at conception leads to an increased chance of a range of problems, both to mother and baby. Shoulder dystocia, hemorrhage, miscarriage, the chance of SIDS, some congenital abnormalities. The risks are present from BMI 30 and above and increase with higher BMIs.

Of course being obese at conception doesn't guarantee you will experience those problems so luck IS involved, but your anecdote isn't the same as scientific, researched evidence.

I'm glad you had a good pregnancy and safe delivery, but your weight made that significantly less likely an outcome than a woman with a lower BMI. This is well understood.

TotorosCatBus · 20/07/2021 13:07

Luck imo.
I've been lucky with conception and giving birth but have nightmare periods and pregnancy sickness.

ancientgran · 20/07/2021 13:07

I've had 4, I could tell you pregnancy is horrific or easy and the same for births based on my experiences.

The worst pregnancy was with a 10lb plus baby and the midwife reckoned all my troubles through pregnancy were due to him doing so well at my expense. The worst birth experience was with the smallest of the 4.

The only consistent thing with my 4 was my waters never broke, I think I have PTSD about a midwife using some sort of instrument trying to break them when I was close to delivery and they still wouldn't break. Just thought the other consistent thing was I ended up with a healthy baby each time so despite all sorts of experiences I count myself very fortunate.

RightYesButNo · 20/07/2021 13:07

Why don’t we know? Here’s the truth and it should make you angry. It should make every woman angry. From hyperemesis.org:
“HER Foundation, in collaboration with Dr. Marlena Fejzo, is the leading HG [hyperemesis gravidarum] research team in the world. However, research is limited by lack of funding and priority, so high-quality studies with decisive results are rare.”

Lack of funding. Something that affects up to 2% of all pregnancies so badly that women consider terminating desperately wanted pregnancies. Can you imagine lack of funding for anything else that struck 5 of 1000? For example, 5 of 1000 is the infant mortality rate in America. Can you imagine if they just didn’t study it???

So that’s why we don’t know. Because “women’s issues” aren’t worth the money. This page is truly scary, about how even recent studies were erroneously looking at the connection between HG and psychiatric causes… still… 200 years after they thought it was just more hysteria:
www.hyperemesis.org/about-hyperemesis-gravidarum/causes/

WeatherForecast · 20/07/2021 13:08

@Reallyreallyborednow

Being fit, healthy and a healthy weight before you get pregnant helps, also it can be more difficult over 35/more complications. Also eating healthily in pregnancy to avoid excessive weight gain. This is no guarantee, you could still have a rough time but it gives you the best chance of having an easier pregnancy and more straightforward birth

Do you have any evidence of this? In keeping with the thread o/p is asking if there is any actual evidence that x, y and z results in an easier or harder birth.

So have any studies been done that back up your post? I agree it would make sense, even though I was all of those things and had emcs. I even had the proper “child bearing hips” and a family history of females dropping babies on the bathroom floor. My mum actually thought any labour over 2 hours meant something had gone wrong.

The best place to start for evidence around maternal obesity and associated risks I've found is the relevant chapter in the book Expecting Better by Emily Oster. She collates the research and analyses its validity/draws conclusions that are easy to read for the layperson. Very readable and a good springboard for further research. I don't have the book to hand but it's well referenced.
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