For keeping nightlight if it keeps DH awake?

[Allinadayswork80]

So my OH drops off to sleep at the drop off a hat. Often on the sofa with lights on, tv blaring etc. Same in bed, I’m often lying awake for ages and sleeping light cos of the baby (5mths) and within minutes he’s zzz!
Now I have a plug in nightlight in the upstairs hallway between our bedroom and the nursery, baby is now in her cot in her room at nights. However she wakes at least once in the night so I have to go into her as DH is working the next day (and even when he’s not it mostly falls to me as he doesn’t wake up!). The light is not a bright floodlight by any means but it’s enough for me to see where I’m going and see what the baby is doing without turning on any lights and waking her fully.
Now, my DH insists that it keeps him awake and he can’t possibly sleep with it on and wants to keep turning it off. This really pisses me off as I’m the one bloody getting up and dealing with her and will be stumbling around. He took himself off in a huff last night downstairs and slept on the sofa as I refused to turn it off. He didn’t even TRY going to sleep, just lay there moaning and then huffed off with his pillow 🤣 He’s asked this morning to find an alternative to it as he “can’t help it, it just stops me sleeping” which is absolute bollocks. I said if he wants an alternative then he can bloody find one but until then it stays on.
AIBU?

You can get movement sensitive nightlights that only light up when you walk towards them and plug directly into a plug socket - would that solve the issue?

Is your bedroom door not shut? And therefore blocking the light anyway?

Has he never heard of a)supporting his wife and b) eye masks?

Tell him he’s welcome to have it off and get up with the baby instead?

Funny that he sleeps through his baby waking up but a plug-in nightlight keeps him up.

He’s asked this morning to find an alternative to it as he “can’t help it, it just stops me sleeping”

What a CF. He can look into alternatives himself! I’d be saying “can you help me find an alternative to getting up X amount of times with our child? I can’t help it, she just stops me sleeping.”

He could sleep in the room with the baby and so no nightlight would be needed!

Get him a sleep mask!

He’s nothing if not brave.

We had a nightlight for a number of years to help DC find the bathroom when they first started to use the bathroom at night. Just to warn your DH it might be around for some time

You need automatic sensor plug in lights. They come on when movement is detected and switch off after 30 seconds.

I got these ones for £7 in Lightning sale on Amazon, they're so good, and the light is just right, warm and not too bright.

You can set it to on all the time, off, or on automatic.

If he complains about these then he's being an controlling arse.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B082M78T3W/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

if he's already awake with the night light on and the baby cries may be he should be doing the parenting bit and getting up. Just a thought.

Good point @warmandtoasty2day, ask him why he doesn’t get up to the baby when she cries if he is awake as he can’t sleep with the night light on

I'm with your DH. Any light causes me to ping wide awake for at least 4 hours, whether it's during the night or on the way upstairs. It certainly answers why I never slept as a kid, as my mother insisted upon having lights on and no curtains. And why I went slightly insane when I had DD1, as the ex insisted upon having a light and TV on all night as he wouldn't sleep in the dark. and decided that his baby wouldn't be able to do so either. I am so sensitive towards light that even the little light on DP's bluetooth earphones when I've got my back to him is enough to keep me awake.

As a result of this, because it's impossible where we are to get true darkness (and DP will still want to see where he's going at night - no idea why, he's lived here long enough to know where the bathroom is, but hey - or move around/do things after I've gone to bed in the hope of getting some sleep), I can fall asleep in strange places because I'm absolutely knackered and it's not upstairs where sleep is supposed to happen.

I think I've had a good night's sleep overnight, for example, but if I look at my tracker, I've actually slept for 4 and a bit hours over the course of 8. When there's lights involved upstairs, it can be nearer 2 hours if at all and it's constantly restless and disrupted.

You found a solution so your not crashing around in the darkness.

He would hate me. I cannot sleep without a night light, when the dc's were younger I would say it was for their benefit. Too old now to accept the blame so now the cats need it lol.

reason #104 why men wouldn't have babies [even if they could] they would have to deal with all the things that women do for their kids from conception to 18years and beyond.

Why do you think he's lying about the light keeping him awake? What's his real objection?

I'd just say fine, then when the baby wakes the bedside lamp goes on. He won't like that either but if he doesn't take his turn with the baby he deserves all he gets.

www.amazon.co.uk/Luxury-Mulberry-Featuring-Chosen-JetRest%C2%AE/dp/B07FM3YZ19/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?hvlocphy=9045845&psc=1&hvnetw=g&keywords=princess+sleep+mask&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEySFNTSjdQVkw1VjZEJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjA4NDM4MTIzUldIN0xPVzRGTyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNTY3OTE5MkhJRU8wNUowNENXRCZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=&hvadid=259024739013&qid=1626771364&dchild=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6NmHBhD2ARIsAI3hrM05iTP6yy2bF1Xlt4U4fqo_2PeoX7GEsjp6M-3hT-1zP9IRmuRBFJUaApMUEALw_wcB&hydadcr=28154_1821063&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-302817122631&adgrpid=54821445244&hvrand=9788734919932765850&sr=8-1-spons Get him one of these.

Honestly I can't abide people who expect others to sort out their complaints about inconveniences that they could easily solve. That a grown man, who can fall asleep in front of a tv, should expect the mother of his child to stumble around in the dark while she's tending to their baby, is outrageous.

This is annoying when he can sleep literally at any other time with no issues.

Could you just have a nightlight in baby's room instead? Then you can pull the door to so it's not damaging your DH's delicate sleep .

The motion sensor ones are all well and good but they’ll click off again after the OP passes the hall and into baby’s room and I’m reading that the OP uses the nightlight for caring for the baby as well. That’s what I did. A blue nightlight quite dim plugged into hall cast just enough light in baby’s room to allow me to check and resettle them without having to turn any lights on.

Can’t you close your bedroom door partially so less light comes into your room? I’d imagine your DH will need to adapt as I still have my nightlight on in hall for my late primary age children waking in night going to bathroom etc etc.

If he keeps saying that you need to find an alternative I would have it dark until baby wakes then turn on your brightest ceiling light in your bedroom when baby wakes which will provide enough light to care for baby without having a bright light going on in baby’s room and waking them fully. If he complains just say you don’t want the light to disturb the baby and surely he wouldn’t want his baby kept awake all night just so he can sleep

My Dh got one that comes on when you walk past think off of Amazon they are great even if you don’t have kids x

Haha loving some of these comments thanks ladies 😂 In answer to some of the questions, no we can’t close our door as I won’t hear her crying or fussing in the night - he doesn’t want the monitor in our room as it’ll wake him up when she cries and he needs his sleep because he’s got work in the morning...! We can’t put the night light in her room as we don’t have any free sockets that don’t have furniture in front of them. And like someone said further up, if I use motion sensor ones, they’ll go off once I’m in her room and then I won’t be able to see what I’m/she’s doing. I don’t think he’s necessarily lying, he’s just a big ol drama queen and makes a massive deal out of things/exaggerates and this time I’m sticking to my guns!
He rarely does his fare share of night duties as I’m on maternity leave and he’s working which is generally fair enough, but it does piss me off that I still end up doing them at the weekends too as he conveniently doesn’t wake up 🤔 I haven’t had a full night’s sleep where he’s seen to her in the night in her whole 5 months.

@Winwins

He’s nothing if not brave.

🤣🤣🤣

Put him in the cot and move her in with you.

He rarely does his fare share of night duties as I’m on maternity leave and he’s working which is generally fair enough, but it does piss me off that I still end up doing them at the weekends too as he conveniently doesn’t wake up 🤔 I haven’t had a full night’s sleep where he’s seen to her in the night in her whole 5 months
Bullshit. Utter bullshit.
My DH and I did every other night from the start, even after he went back to work because "I'd rather both of us were tired than one of us was exhausted, especially when that person is the one looking after my baby all day".
My DH is far from perfect, but credit where it's due.
I don't know how some of these men can look their wives in the eye.