Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For keeping nightlight if it keeps DH awake?

76 replies

Allinadayswork80 · 20/07/2021 09:11

So my OH drops off to sleep at the drop off a hat. Often on the sofa with lights on, tv blaring etc. Same in bed, I’m often lying awake for ages and sleeping light cos of the baby (5mths) and within minutes he’s zzz!
Now I have a plug in nightlight in the upstairs hallway between our bedroom and the nursery, baby is now in her cot in her room at nights. However she wakes at least once in the night so I have to go into her as DH is working the next day (and even when he’s not it mostly falls to me as he doesn’t wake up!). The light is not a bright floodlight by any means but it’s enough for me to see where I’m going and see what the baby is doing without turning on any lights and waking her fully.
Now, my DH insists that it keeps him awake and he can’t possibly sleep with it on and wants to keep turning it off. This really pisses me off as I’m the one bloody getting up and dealing with her and will be stumbling around. He took himself off in a huff last night downstairs and slept on the sofa as I refused to turn it off. He didn’t even TRY going to sleep, just lay there moaning and then huffed off with his pillow 🤣 He’s asked this morning to find an alternative to it as he “can’t help it, it just stops me sleeping” which is absolute bollocks. I said if he wants an alternative then he can bloody find one but until then it stays on.
AIBU?

OP posts:
pleasedonttextmyman · 20/07/2021 15:21

I sympathise because I can't sleep with lights on either, but it's up to him to find a compromise.

I wouldn't put a nightlight in the baby's room either, everyone sleeps better in the dark!

he doesn’t want the monitor in our room as it’ll wake him up when she cries and he needs his sleep
I was going to say he's absolutely taking the piss

but I have to admit that when I was on maternity leave, one of us used to sleep in the spare room and the other with the baby so at least one of us wouldn't be awaken for no reason!

MumInBrussels · 20/07/2021 15:25

Tell him you've given it as much thought as you can, and you can't think of any alternative that both allows you to see what you're doing and doesn't disturb the baby further. If he can think of something that would do both of those and suit him better, you're very happy to hear about it.

He's the one with the problem, he's the one who's less exhausted and whose brain isn't temporarily (god I hope it's temporary, it's been years since I got to sleep through the night...) destroyed with chronic sleep deprivation. He can go away and give it some thought, rather than dumping it on you to solve. Your current set up works fine for you. He could start by ordering himself a sleep mask on Amazon if he suddenly needs darkness to sleep all night, see if that helps him. But he needs to do it.

Wheresmrpenguin · 20/07/2021 15:25

I'm in the middle with this one. I'm the one that does the middle of night calls, so have one too, but it also keeps me awake. I have cats that bolt it into the room so need to see if they're trying to get in. I put some masking tape over the top of the light, it doesn't get hot so I think it's fine and make sure it's turned off during the day. It helps enough to stop it coming under the door, but bright enough for me to see.

HummingBeeBox · 20/07/2021 15:27

I'm torn on this as I am the one who can fall asleep with everything going on downstairs but I can't sleep with any lights on upstairs or at least find it tricky.

DontAskIDontKnow · 20/07/2021 15:29

Any light will be bad for sleep quality, so if you can find a solution, then I think you should.

We had one of these (before we had a cat and the kids were young): www.amazon.co.uk/Philips-6911231PH-Battery-Operated-Portable/dp/B000PVX646?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It’s motion sensor and you can take it with you.

BunnyRuddington · 20/07/2021 15:31

I'd turn it off but wake him every single tine the baby cries and get him to go.

Biancadelrioisback · 20/07/2021 15:32

We bought fairy lights for DS room as we had a similar problem re available sockets and furniture. They are bright enough that I can see while in his room and as we always sleep with doors open we can see to get through to his room too.

However, your DH sounds like an arse. He can find a solution. He can research alternatives. He can ask his friends/online community. He can get up with baby and give you a rest.

This should be his problem to solve.

DelphiniumBlue · 20/07/2021 15:33

Turn the nightlight off for one night, get out of bed, stumble loudly, swear, maybe spilling something on him, maybe dropping something heavy loudly, end up on the floor calling out, then tell him to get the baby because you think you've twisted your ankle.
Next night repeat until he asks you to put the light on.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 20/07/2021 15:34

@Kanaloa

Tell him he’s welcome to have it off and get up with the baby instead?
This.

Although when DH complained about being awake all night I reminded him that I am actually up in the night looking after our baby and he was sock on every time.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 20/07/2021 15:35

what did he say when you pointed out that he falls asleep with the tv on and sitting room lights in?

Did he have the grace to look a little shame faced?

I am fairly light sensitive tbh, but that's my cross to bear, mostly it's flashing or intermittent lights that will wake me, and to that end all the clock radios I have ever had have a little cardboard "bonnet" to rest on top and fold down in front of the time display! I rarely have my mobile upstairs and if i need it there it'll be on the floor under the bed so i cannot see it if any of the notification lights decide to come on. It is set to DND but some apps make their own rules!

AnUnoriginalUsername · 20/07/2021 15:36

I have red night lights though as red light is supposed to be good for sleep

4PawsGood · 20/07/2021 15:38

Close your door, put a monitor in your room and adjust the sound so it is the same volume as when she wakes right now.

Wnikat · 20/07/2021 15:57

Get him an eye mask

Notavegan · 20/07/2021 16:01

I can fall asleep with the TV on, bit not a light. I take the motion sensor lights in holiday to put by stairs for kids. Mine have a magnet so go onto radiator for example. Then you can switch to fully on whilst you need it.

Wingedharpy · 20/07/2021 16:07

@Allinadayswork80 : Surely you could sleep wearing a miners' helmet?

Original poster
Allinadayswork80 · 20/07/2021 16:56

[quote Wingedharpy]@Allinadayswork80 : Surely you could sleep wearing a miners' helmet?[/quote]
🤣

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 20/07/2021 17:02

Can you keep a mini flashlight (or torch) next to your bed?

TurquoiseDragon · 20/07/2021 17:05

Eye masks and ear plugs. I need it very dark to sleep, and this works for me.

GreyEyedWitch · 20/07/2021 17:05

Why doesn't he wear an eye mask?

Cloudfrost · 20/07/2021 17:08

Surely the easiest thing is::

Turnon flashlight mode on your mobile when u need to get up?? Then u can light ur way and angle the light on a way that doesn't disturb him or baby Hmm

I can't sleep with lights on and even a trip to the toilet in the night would unsettle me for the rest of the night if I turned the light on.. So I just use my flashlight.

So I think YABU to have permanent light on AND refuse to close the door.
I would have really shitty sleep like that

Soverymuchfruit · 20/07/2021 17:36

Tbf I also can't sleep with light in the bedroom, but yet have been known to fall asleep in front of the tv etc.

I do, however, have a collection of high quality face masks. You need the padded moulded sort that hold the mask away from your eyes. Maybe he's only ever tried crap freebies and doesn't realise the joy of a luxury mask. This one looks good

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07KQSCPQ4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_28AWN8295342GGBC7NX8?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Shodan · 20/07/2021 17:37

OP can you learn to echolocate, like some blind people do?

Surely that's easier than your DH having to wear an eye mask?

Classica · 20/07/2021 17:39

@Cloudfrost

Surely the easiest thing is::

Turnon flashlight mode on your mobile when u need to get up?? Then u can light ur way and angle the light on a way that doesn't disturb him or baby Hmm

I can't sleep with lights on and even a trip to the toilet in the night would unsettle me for the rest of the night if I turned the light on.. So I just use my flashlight.

So I think YABU to have permanent light on AND refuse to close the door.
I would have really shitty sleep like that

the easiest thing is for him to pull his weight when it comes to tending to the baby in the night.
nzborn · 20/07/2021 17:40

I can't sleep with any light so l have a facemask that has good coverage l suggest a travel one.

Classica · 20/07/2021 17:40

Love all the people coming up with solutions to let the poor love sleep on undisturbed by parental duties.