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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do all your primary kids play out in the summer holidays?

66 replies

Summerfunfever · 19/07/2021 23:43

I never played out when at primary school - none of my friends were local so I did organised playdates/activities with friends etc.

With my two DDs (7 and 9) I've done things similar - without thinking really. So in the holidays we have friends round for organised playdates or outings. I take my Dds swimming, park, Library, days out etc. We'll also go away on holiday for a couple of weeks. So plenty to do and keep them occupied.

It's interesting reading other mumsneters posts who have children who go to the park or play out independently at these sort of ages and for long periods of time. It's just so different to what I did/ am doing with my DC. Am I in the minority - is this what many/most DC do - I'd love to know what others do?

OP posts:

Planty13 · 19/07/2021 23:46

DS is eight and will likely be out everyday we don’t have plans. There are many kids for him to play with.

My parents very rarely booked days out as they worked a lot and couldn’t afford it. I was constantly playing out from ages 8-13 and it dwindled a bit there. Everyone else played out too

Direstraitsmates · 19/07/2021 23:48

My DC all play out. We go out somewhere every day but they will play out when we get back and /or before we go.

Original poster

Summerfunfever · 19/07/2021 23:53

Maybe it's partly area/ where we live. There are a few other children on our small street but none of them play out or really know my DDs. There is a (lovely) big park near us but it's over a reasonably busy road. And it being very big and lots of wooded areas etc would definitely make me nervous about letting them go by themselves (even my 9 yr old).

OP posts:

DelurkingAJ · 19/07/2021 23:55

Absolutely not. DS1 is 8 and I wouldn’t dream of it. A couple of his school mates are allowed to and spend most of the time playing chicken with local drivers or throwing sticks at each other. That’s before I get into the safety of him crossing a dual carriageway (with pedestrian lights) to get to the local playground. He’ll have play dates and DH (teacher so in charge all summer) will happily take them out to playgrounds.

I wasn’t allowed to play out with friends until I was at least 10…so I’m entirely unfussed by the idea.

Greenybluetowel · 20/07/2021 00:00

My DS7 doesn't play out, local kids (we are not from this area) play out from about 4 or 5 in our cul de sac but it's a very busy road. I'm happy for them to come play in the garden or house with him and he doesn't seem to mind our rule that he's too young to play out in the street.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 20/07/2021 00:05

I guess it totally depends where you live. I played out all the time as a child (from about 8-13ish) because I lived on a cul de sac on a housing estate. The roads were safe and quiet and we used to play football/tennis/cricket/tag/make dens all summer holidays and after school. We only stopped for our annual caravan holiday in France.
Now I live on a busy road in a beautiful town. Absolutely none of our neighbours have children, nearest school friends do not live within walking distance and there is no outside space to play except our own small town house garden.
So my children spend their summer doing organised activities and organised plays, and spending lots of time by themselves at home. Many school friends live 10-20 mins drive away (rural area) so sponteneity is largely impossible.

234Pepperplant · 20/07/2021 00:07

Absolutely no way. Certainly not until 10/11. It’s just not the done thing here. We go to the park and they go off with their friends to play, and sometimes we’d nominate one parent to watch them for a bit rather than all stay, but they’re never completely unsupervised. There’s busy and tricky roads, some dodgy characters, loose dogs… and bluntly they’re just not sensible and responsible enough. They aren’t old enough I want them to have a phone. They do stupid shit like break branches off trees to hit each other with, fall out with each other and storm off, injure themselves in new and interesting ways - and none of them would be able to deal with an emergency type situation. Maybe if we lived on a very quiet cul du sac or round a village green type area where I knew the neighbours properly and kids were just round each other’s houses or in eyeshot at the front I’d think about it, but we live on a busy road and friends are scattered.

Original poster

Summerfunfever · 20/07/2021 00:08

The other thing about it I find interesting is not just the safety/independence side, but the idea of spending hours with the same group of children. While I was quite social when little, I also liked my own space at home and the break from being around people at school all the time. Maybe it's just because it was just what I was used to - I would have hated people just knocking at my door asking to play/come into the house etc - I'm assuming my DC are as antisocial as me

OP posts:

UndertheCedartree · 20/07/2021 00:11

My DC have played out with the DC on our street since they were about 5 but I sat on the door stop watching at that age. From about 7 I didn't but they had to play in front of our house up to the neighbour's house (few doors down) where all the DC lived. I'd pop out to check on them every now and again. We live on a very quiet street though with no through traffic. They have play dates and days out too.

Original poster

Summerfunfever · 20/07/2021 00:14

@234Pepperplant what you describe sounds very similar to our set up where we are. Particularly the 'stupid shit'! We seem to have enough drama leaving a group of them in the garden to play by themselves - let alone a park or a road!

OP posts:

FusionChefGeoff · 20/07/2021 00:16

I would LOVE DS (just 9) to be able to play out but it's not looking good as we have been unlucky with neighbours (all perfectly nice but no other kids) and his school friends mostly live a little way away (even though we are 2 mins from school!).

There's a small park close by and I might suggest to another mum if she'd be happy for hers to go there too but I've got a feeling she will be too nervous

WeeM · 20/07/2021 00:21

I think it very much depends on where you live. I grew up in a small town in the 80’s and we were never in during the summer. Playing in the street, gardens, woods, picking raspberries/blackberries, out on bikes, climbing trees etc etc. It really was fantastic and I have so many happy memories.
We are lucky now that we live in a cul de sac so all the kids here play out and in each other’s gardens. A lot of them do have the GPS watches which are a godsend as you can check where they are and contact them.
We both work full time so can’t do play dates/days out etc except on weekends so if she didn’t play with her friends she’d be stuck inside while we work.

RightOnTheEdge · 20/07/2021 00:30

My kids are 8 and 10 and play out a lot.
We live on a housing estate with the primary school in the middle and a park next to it.
Lots of their friends from school all live on the estate and close by so it's the kind of place where all the kids play out and are always in and out of each others gardens or knocking on each others doors asking if the can play out.
I used to see some of them playing out very young unsupervised but mine have only just started playing out and I took it much slower than some of the other parents and they have gradually been allowed to go further.
A few mums keep an eye out and we can message each other and keep an eye out for each others kids.

SilverOak · 20/07/2021 00:38

It really depends who else lives nearby. When I was a kid I lived in a cul de sac of 30 houses and there were about 20 kids. So you could just go out and play with whoever was out that day, or knock on doors until you found someone to play with. Where I live currently there are 12 houses and my DS is the only child, not counting one neighbour who occasionally has grandchildren to visit. So I don’t think he’s likely to have the opportunity to play out like I did. I’ll probably have to take him to organised classes or arrange play dates.

AlwaysLatte · 20/07/2021 00:42

Yes we usually have their friends over playing in the garden a lot, and obviously go for days out. Sometimes they ask to meet their friends in the park.

MrsMonkeyBear · 20/07/2021 05:52

Dd1 (almost 7) plays out most days during the holidays. We live in a tiny village and she has a tracker watch that I can phone her/see where she is. It allows me to set a Safe Zone and if she leaves it, I get an alert.

I know most of the parents of her friends in the village too, so we generally keep an eye out on all the kids.

AmberRoseGold · 20/07/2021 05:59

@mrsmonkeybear what brand of tracker is it? My 8 yo plays out but checks in every hour or so. And we have a lot of kid friendly garden stuff and good snacks so often kids will come to ours. 11yo will for a bit but is happier reading at home tbh. I was never allowed out nor was my DH but we were careful choosing somewhere that kids would be able to have that freedom.

AmberRoseGold · 20/07/2021 05:59

Sorry, should have said “please”

Iggly · 20/07/2021 06:03

If we lived closer to friends with safer streets then yes absolutely they would.

But we don’t. Too many dick head drivers about.

I played out loads as a kid and I loved it. No adults so we could do stupid stuff without judgement. Now my dcs can’t do anything like that, which is a real shame actually.

Crazycakelady17 · 20/07/2021 06:07

Yes my DD has played out in our small culdessc of 8 houses since she was about 6 she has 3 other friends in the street she’s 11 now and I let her bike around the village to other friends houses and to the park

MinnieMountain · 20/07/2021 06:08

We’d disappear for ages in our village in Pembrokeshire in the 80’s. Rarely supervised. There was no money for days out and everywhere was too far anyway.

I live on a busy road in a city now. I’ve planned days out and meet ups for my 7yo. We will go to the local park a lot too, where he’s bound to see children he knows. That will be with me though.

Yrevocsid · 20/07/2021 06:11

My 3 boys all played out from about 8 in our village where they went to the village school. All the children did.

SuddenArborealStop · 20/07/2021 06:14

Even my 3 year old plays out here. I walk around with his baby sister and leave him to it with an eye on him.
I'm not sure yet what age I'll let him out on his own but the older kids are pretty good at keeping the youngest safe , not that I think it's their responsibility but I've watched them do it.
It's very much the done thing here . I'm in Ireland though we grew up out on the roads and used to hide under trees from the rain rather than go home.

MrsMonkeyBear · 20/07/2021 06:18

@AmberRoseGold it's SpaceTalk via Sky Mobile. It makes our lives a lot easier.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/07/2021 06:21

Think it depends massively on physical geography - distance to major road and general perceived safety...distance to usual fríends.

When we were growing up in a small market town we lived on a main road... But we were allowed 'out', as long as we didn't cross the road and that there was a group of us... I was often the youngest - probably 8/9 so the older kids always kept an eye out for us... It was a blissful time.

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