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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do all your primary kids play out in the summer holidays?

66 replies

Summerfunfever · 19/07/2021 23:43

I never played out when at primary school - none of my friends were local so I did organised playdates/activities with friends etc.

With my two DDs (7 and 9) I've done things similar - without thinking really. So in the holidays we have friends round for organised playdates or outings. I take my Dds swimming, park, Library, days out etc. We'll also go away on holiday for a couple of weeks. So plenty to do and keep them occupied.

It's interesting reading other mumsneters posts who have children who go to the park or play out independently at these sort of ages and for long periods of time. It's just so different to what I did/ am doing with my DC. Am I in the minority - is this what many/most DC do - I'd love to know what others do?

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 20/07/2021 06:21

DS is 8 and doesn't play out. It really isn't safe for him to do so where I live. I work anyway so he has to go to childcare.

HelenaJustina · 20/07/2021 06:22

My 4 play out, I’ve stopped supervising now that the youngest is 8. We live in a small rural village with a river. They disappear for hours at a time, reappearing asking for a backpack to be filled with food, and then disappear again! My rule is that they don’t go in the river without an adult present (not even by accident) which makes them careful. I love the freedom they have and that it takes a village to raise a child.
The freedom they can have and outside confidence is what balances the need to be a parental taxi during term time.

Redbottle · 20/07/2021 06:28

Mine did from about age 5 or 6. It's a safe area and we have good neighbours. Everyone looked out for each others kids. The freedom was really good for them.

Original poster
Summerfunfever · 20/07/2021 06:42

Really interesting what different people do. Some children playing out while really quite young. I guess if you live in a village or somewhere like that it makes it much easier. It must make them very independent. I'd worry about how they'd manage if something went wrong - but I suppose they are much more resourceful/have the confidence to deal with things.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/07/2021 07:32

No, I was always happy to host friends but playing in the streets I don’t like so play dates and activities for us.

Jobsharenightmare · 20/07/2021 07:41

we grew up out on the roads and used to hide under trees from the rain rather than go home

^ so did we. We'd be out hours on our bikes in the fields and woods on the outskirts of the small town I grew up in from about 9 years old. Loved it!

JustLyra · 20/07/2021 08:23

Mine play out. Our cup de sac backs onto the school playing field and a set of swings so they play out.

When we first moved my elder three were the only ones who played out. The other kids were more into structured play dates and the likes, but given where we live I was determined mine could play out if they wanted. Over the years it’s gone back similar to when I was a kid - all the kids play out now.

It’s a very friendly street (with one exception) and we normally have street parties a couple of times a year. The kind of place where a neighbour will tell off a child if needs be, then the child will (if they’re daft enough to moan) get told off by their parent as well.

Bellend101 · 20/07/2021 10:41

I was playing out at 5. Pretty set in my beliefs that I won't be letting DS (9) play out til he's 25 🤷

Howshouldibehave · 20/07/2021 10:49

No-I never did and my kids don’t either. We live near to where I grew up. The roads are too busy so we do arranged play dates. I hate people just turning up at my doorstep, so it suits me fine!

There are areas of the town where we live, where groups of houses are closer together and roads narrower with communal bits of grass/parking areas where I see kids playing out on skateboards and bikes, so it must very much depend on what’s available nearby.

PumpkinKlNG · 20/07/2021 10:51

No we live on a main road in London, no kids play out here

Sportsnight · 20/07/2021 10:55

No, it’s just not possible living in a city. Too much traffic, and not really anywhere to go that would be fun for any length of time. If I lived in a village, then I imagine it would be different.

Thoughtcontagion · 20/07/2021 10:59

I also rate the watch by sky, was such a reassurance when my DD started secondary school.

My youngest doesn’t play out and eldest had no interest, their friends live at bit further away, the park right next to our house is full of local undesirables.

I arrange many play dates, days out, bike rides, friends welcome in the garden or to come along to picnics etc. Everyone’s always happy

PleasantBirthday · 20/07/2021 11:05

My DD plays out, she's 6. We let her go for a while each day if someone calls for her - she's not allowed out to wander around in case there are other children around. We live in a very quiet cul de sac of new houses with loads of children of the same age all playing out, including a little girl in her class in school.

I'm not thoroughly comfortable with it but I do think it's good for her social development - she's an only child and I do worry about turning her into a timid wet lettuce.

CoffeeWithCheese · 20/07/2021 11:07

If it wasn't for the road crossing - I'd let mine go to the local park, but the main road is a bastard to get across as a grown adult.

FawnFrenchieMum · 20/07/2021 11:13

My DS used to play out most days from around 7 as there was a boy the same age lived over the road. They would play on the street, a bit of grass by the house or in each other’s houses. I love to see kids playing out and learning some independence etc.

We’ve since moved house and didn’t really know any of the kids on the estate. DD 9 has literally just started playing out as we’ve just discovered a girl aged 10 living around the corner. DD only goes out when she comes to call for her but the girl seems to know quite a few other kids on the estate (my DD goes to a school near our old house). She has great fun and it’s great to get her off electronics for a while.

Playing out doesn’t replace days out but will help fill some time now I’m working from home and not using formal childcare this summer.

DirtySofa · 20/07/2021 11:18

We chose our house mainly because of the playing out opportunities! Where I grew up there were no children locally so I never played with anyone and feel I missed out. My dc have played with friends on the village green from around year 5

Twoforthree · 20/07/2021 11:22

I think it absolutely depends on where you live and the children in the vicinity.

Mine played out but they had friends who all lived in the vicinity. Went out just in the cup de sac at age 7 and were gradually allowed to explore further over the years. They had to be with another child at all times though. I didn’t ever want them to be alone.

Friends who lived further away, did the usual play date thing.

Original poster
Summerfunfever · 20/07/2021 11:24

@Bellend101 I'm interested - if you were allowed to play out from so young why aren't you keen on your DC doing the same? (I'm the same as you by the way so no criticism).

OP posts:
Bellend101 · 20/07/2021 11:31

[quote Summerfunfever]@Bellend101 I'm interested - if you were allowed to play out from so young why aren't you keen on your DC doing the same? (I'm the same as you by the way so no criticism).[/quote]
I have anxiety which manifests itself as overwhelming fear that something awful will happen to my son. Also, he has ADHD and we live on a road that knobheads use to race up and down.

Hlgwsbytktu · 20/07/2021 12:00

We live on a large housing estate with our primary school in the middle of it. Yet for some reason there are hardly any kids! We are in a cul de sac, there were kids but they have all moved away!
My kids are 7 and 10. My 10 year old boy plays out with one friend after school just one or two nights a week.
My 7 year old girl doesn't have anyone to play out with at all.
We do the occasional play date but these aren't very often round here for some reason.

Maggiesfarm · 20/07/2021 12:11

Mine used to play outdoors in the back garden with friends and neighbours. They had lots of fun building camps and having concerts, happy memories. They never roamed the streets but nobody did that they knew, I'm in the same house and it still doesn't happen here, thankfully.

As they got older they would go to the park with bikes, before that they only went with an adult.

Jangle33 · 20/07/2021 12:13

Absolutely not, they are far too young. We have organised play dates and family activities. I am not happy for my primary school children to be roaming the streets!

Teaandakitkat · 20/07/2021 12:24

Mine is only just 9 and there's a group of 4 or 5 of them who live nearby and play together in each others gardens. They will go and knock on a friend's door to see if they are free, it's not always organised by parents. But they're not allowed to play in the local park just yet. By next summer, or maybe in the Christmas holidays they will be allowed to go to the park. I would probably let mine go now but some other parents don't want to so we all stick to the same rules.
They're not allowed to just aimlessly roam the streets though, there are too many busy roads. They have to be in someone's garden.

I'm sure my older ones were 9 or 10 when they started being allowed to go to the park, I would let them go ahead of me and follow 20 minutes later and kind of built up from there.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing, just build it up gradually. Be in the park but not directly supervising them, sometimes I sit on a bench with a book and they kids play elsewhere in the park, I can't always see them but I can usually hear them. Let them go first and follow 15 minutes later, that sort of thing.

IndanthroneBlue · 20/07/2021 12:28

Mine are 5 and 9 and they play out but just in our very quiet cul-de-sac on a quiet estate. My 9-year old has played out on our street with occasional but not constant supervision since she was about 7. We live behind the primary school so a lot of their friends are local. My 9 year old pops in and out of her friends houses and gardens on our road but isn't allowed any further. We frequently have a group of kids playing in our house and garden too. The 5 year old just wants to follow the older one so she's allowed in the front garden when the other kids are there and rides her bike up and down the street with the other kids when I'm watching her. I can see the whole street from my windows if I'm inside, and I do remind them of safety a lot. I love that they have this bit of supervised freedom, I think free play is so good for them. We also go out for the day at the weekends and they go to clubs if they ask to, but they play before and after we go out.

BettyOBarley · 20/07/2021 12:39

My DD who's 7 doesn't play out. We live on a newish estate which is very busy with cars and I don't think she's got the road sense just yet. There also doesn't seem.to be many kids her age, all babies or older kids, some of whom I wouldn't want her hanging about with tbh as they can cause a bit of trouble.