To ask how you cope with this?

[sadanddown]

I didn't know where to put this, I guessed here to get honest answers and not in mental health because not sure that was the kind of answers I wanted.

I am emetophobic. I did cure myself of this, but it has come back and I am literally feeling like I want to jump in the car and drive and drive and not stop.

2 weeks ago my eldest was sick. I was there once and then DH dealt with the other two times through the night.
Thursday night my youngest was sick through the night and DH dealt with it all.
Last night DH was sick, just once but sick all the same.

I am petrified, anxious and feel like I want to die. I know that sounds dramatic and over the top and other people have bigger problems to contend with than me, however ultimately that is how I feel. My mind has put a barrier up and I can't seem to practice the coping mechanism I learnt in therapy.

I don't know how to deal with sickness 'normally' do other mums panic and cry and behave like I do?

What I am after is what's a normal response to dealing with a sickness bug? Mine clearly isn't normal at all.

Any help would be appreciated. I'm sat in bed anxious and feeling like I cannot cope.

do other mums panic and cry and behave like I do?

Definitely not. I'm saying that because you honestly need to seek some help with this issue. I know it is real, but to function as a parent, you need to work at sorting it because it is absolutely not normal.

No one likes dealing with sick
If I see someone else be sick it can make me feel sick and if I smell it I can wretch /gag
But as a parent you deal with it, comfort your child, clean up, hold them while they’re sick

I mean this gently, your reaction is not normal and I think you need specialist help to help you overcome it and any other anxieties you may have

Thanks @moynomore help is very limited.
I am on anti depressants for anxiety, I have tried hypnotherapy, other therapy.
Not sure what more help there is. The other therapy I had helped, it was amazing actually- but it's very expensive and we just can't afford it at the moment because we were really hit hard financially because of lockdown.

@moynomore

do other mums panic and cry and behave like I do?

Definitely not. I'm saying that because you honestly need to seek some help with this issue. I know it is real, but to function as a parent, you need to work at sorting it because it is absolutely not normal.

Quite harsh. Are any of us ‘normal ‘? What is ‘normal’? I hope you get some support for this op. Good luck 🤞🏻

@millymollymoomoo I will comfort them. But inside I am dying of fear.

Thank you @WineIsMyMainVice
I hate being like this, it's consuming me at the moment. I feel stupid.

So how do you deal with it?
Your child is sick? Do you not worry about getting sick yourself? Does that enter your head?
I want to know how the normal mind responds

@WineIsMyMainVice how is what I said harsh? OP asked if it was normal and if other mums panic etc. I'm being helpful by saying they don't. That means OP should seek help. But, I do appreciate and am sad to know that there isn't much help for this.

My therapist told me it is a very complex phobia.

Are you in the Uk? Have you asked your GP what therapy can be offered on the NHS? Or it might be worth contacting your previous therapist and asking if they do booster sessions (just 1 or 2 sessions to get you back to where you were)

I’m emetophobic too, so I have no actual advice but just wanted to say you are not alone.
My DD is only 2 and has actually only been sick once in her life (and it was really small and I think just too much food). I’m dreading her first proper stomach bug and the few things I’m reading about the increase in norovirus outbreaks brings me out in a cold sweat. It’s not even a massive increase, just winter levels in summer due to previous lockdown. But I can’t think about it too much because I know I will react like you.

If my child is sick my first thought is to make my child feel secure and safe and not to worry.

My younger had an undiagnosed intolerance for a while, also lots of tummy bugs so lots of vomiting.

We sit on the sofa, cuddle and when he’s going to vomit he’d do so and I’d clean it up.

I don’t worry about getting ill. I just worry about him.

I suffer also so I'm not best placed to reply but my work on my own anxiety tells me that this thread will only further hinder you.
It's normal to want to seek answers but it's just a form of reassurance seeking and will feed the anxiety.
I hope you're able to get some support. It's awful. I've had nights lying awake worrying about it happening when there have been no indicators it might.

What sort of help and support are you able to access?
Are you anxious about other things at all or is it ‘just’ this?

Thanks everyone. Just posting is so helpful. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply.

GP offer something called 'time to talk' or something like that. Which quite frankly was no good.

To my fellow emetophobes. You can get better. I did the thrive programme and it helped so much. But I have reached a point where I have not been practicing what I have learnt.

It's interesting to read how 'normal' people react. It sounds awful but I am so consumed with my fear that I just want to run away from the situation.

I am sorry you are feeling so anxious op. it is very anxiety provoking when your family is ill and it is outside of your control

The best solution is probably to get some MH support. But in the meantime here are some practical tips:

• I know this probably isn't "the ideal" solution but personally I have a very small whisky in ginger ale and it helps me cope! Takes the age off my disgust and my anxiety. Obviously not a great idea if you think you may need to go to hospital or the illness is something serious, or you find yourself relying on alcohol more than just occasionally. Use with caution!

• put some Vicks around your nostrils to disguise smell.

• prepare sick buckets with half an inch of water and some Dettol in them which disguises the smell and the sight of vomit.

• put old towels, puppy pads or Tena pads on or near the DC pillows who are poorly.

• buy some clumping cat litter to throw over any vomit that ends up on floor.

• distract yourself with a good Netflix series in between helping a sick child or clearing up.

• Be conscious of your breathing. Step outside for two minutes and breath in fresh air.

• Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing your best!

@millymollymoomoo
Interestingly emetophobia is not actually about sick, it's about feeling out of control. And I have returned to not liking that feeling. It's perfectionism too, where being out of control means things are not perfect.

@Twiggyandcrisp thank you so much. That is really helpful.
X

How about CBT?
Changing or upping meds?
Anxiety is a bloody bitch. No one can understand phobias or severe anxiety unless they have suffered it.
Can you focus on coping mechanisms? Even if that’s you leaving DH to cope and having a couple of nights away. What would help??

I feel the same as you. I absolutely fear my kids getting sick and vomiting. When it happens, I am able to deal with it and put them first, clean them up and comfort them. But it plays on my mind for ages afterwards and I become obsessive over it and how it could have been avoided. It’s a horrible phobia because there’s no way to avoid it.

No advice really, just solidarity.

I used to line sick bowls with a plastic bag so they could be tied immediately and binned. That way you're not splashing it all round the sink / loo washing it up. I've managed to avoid the last 4 sick bugs we had like this plus lots of hand washing ( before it was a thing!) now ds is adult and can deal with his own puke!

Not tried CBT yet.

I would love to just go off somewhere when they are sick, but they would wonder where I was and they are only little and I'm not sure I could. As much as I would want to sadly.

Do you not worry about getting sick yourself? I want to know how the normal mind responds

It's not the end of the world if I throw up.
In fact, honestly, if I had a 36 hour puke bug starting tomorrow, and that was the worst thing that happened to me in 2021 -- omg, I'd be one of the luckiest women on the planet.

So no, I don't worry about it. Actually I can laugh at it -- how else do humans deal with stress? We find a way to be amused by our bad luck.

Vomitting is annoying & it might hurt & it's gross and the mess takes a lot of energy to deal with. but lots of things are like all of that. Usually I'm mostly better within 24 hours. Then I'm immune for a while (thank goodness).

I've had so many puke bugs I can't be scared of them.

there must be things you find annoying & gross that you can not manage to worry about, OP. Like... nappy blow-outs. Or food flung in 50 directions off the highchair. Or period floods. Or yucky maggot filled dead things in the corner of the garden. Or someone chatting animatedly to you when their breath is extremely foul. etc.

That is absolutely a normal reaction for a genuine fear.

Put me on the i360 and that would be my reaction. Panic, crying, hysteria, even.
Because it's a fear.

Fears are not rational, they are utterly irrational and evoke and irrational reaction.

Therefore your reaction is totally valid.

Your therapy won't work unless whatever tools you use, you use on a regularly basis. Which, given sickness isn't a regular thing, you might not have been doing.

So do more of what works. Take a few steps back and begin again.

In the mean time try using apps like Calm or Mindful meditation to get you through these few days/weeks.

I can deal with anything else yucky.

It's the unknown of am I going to throw up tonight? That terrifies me.

My hands are washed constantly too.

I have had two bugs in the last 2 years and neither were caught off my children.