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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I right or is husband

87 replies

Rizzoli123 · 19/07/2021 22:07

I had a job interview today at a supermarket.

Really want the job. Nothing much but something to get me out of the house

Husband begged me not to go as he was worried about covid. He also said he didn't know why I had to get a job in the school holidays as it ruins it for the kids and now he can't make any plans.

I got a snotty phone message saying my youngest was crying and would be sat in the gym till I came back. I called them on my walk to the interview and he was fine and excited.

I did the interview, came home had to go straight upstairs for a shower and to change my clothes. I am also not allowed in close contact to him for 48 hours until I have had a negitive LFT test on weds.

I will say we have a high covid rate in our area

He has said I should get a job but as a dinner lady that I can work around school hours and have the holidays off with the kids and be here when they go and when they come back from school.

I want to add I always wear a mask and wash my hands. I kept my distance from everyone.

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 20/07/2021 09:02

If he only does one hour work a day, why does he need your job to fit around school hours? Surely he's doing either the drop off or pick-up every day while you do the other one?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/07/2021 09:04

So he thinks that around twenty quid a day including a free dinner is enough extra money to make a difference to your life? Are his family all stonkingly rich? Or is it that primary schools tend to be staffed by women, rather than shops which have men working there as well?

Balls to that, the twenty quid wouldn't go anywhere towards getting you a safe home of your own when his control gets too much for you.

You need financial independence and the freedom to talk to other people rather than being kept constantly under his eye.

Shuffleuplove · 20/07/2021 09:08

Gosh another prince of a man. Bin him. Put gloves on first. Ugh.

ApolloandDaphne · 20/07/2021 09:12

If he works one hour a day then he can do the school run and you can get a full time job. This should benefit you all. He is being a twunt.

LIZS · 20/07/2021 09:16

Do you want to live with pils? How can you contribute financially unless at least one of you works out of the home?

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2021 09:18

If he's that worried about Covid why on earth does he want you to be a dinner lady? Schools aren't exactly the best place to avoid exposure. Sounds like it's just a made up excuse to be controlling.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 20/07/2021 09:33

@NeverDropYourMoonCup
It's not even £20 a day unfortunately.Im a DL and its around £8 an hour and I work for 1.5 hours.
Op do the job you want to do not what dh wants.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/07/2021 09:57

[quote BrownEyedGirl80]@NeverDropYourMoonCup
It's not even £20 a day unfortunately.Im a DL and its around £8 an hour and I work for 1.5 hours.
Op do the job you want to do not what dh wants.[/quote]
I'm sorry, we have staggered lunchtimes and we're in a Living Wage area, so ours get a bit more, so I was going on our area, rather than risk a bunch of posts saying 'well, I get £20 a day'.

It's definitely not financially the same as a part time job in Tesco, which gives more independence to an OP who is at risk of being completely controlled and financially abused by her husband. Great for getting back into work, working around very small children, getting out and about where the money isn't essential but nice to have. Which is probably why her husband reckons it's something he would give permission for...

Hillary17 · 20/07/2021 10:46

Absolutely wouldn’t be putting up with this behaviour. Hope you get the job! Do what makes you happy.

RealBecca · 20/07/2021 13:22

Assuming he is doing childcare for 48 hours then to 'protect the kids' 😏

Congrats, youve bagged yourself a misogynist.

RealBecca · 20/07/2021 13:24

@Shuffleuplove Grin👏🙏

Soubriquet · 20/07/2021 13:26

I work in a supermarket…really early shift so only in contact with customers for an hour maybe 2.

Works around the kids as I’m home by the time they have just gone to school.

Your dh does sound very controlling and using health anxiety as an excuse. Working an hour a day is pathetic

I hope your interview went well

maddening · 20/07/2021 13:28

Who can't you go near for 48 hours?

Original poster
Rizzoli123 · 20/07/2021 14:18

@maddening

Who can't you go near for 48 hours?
Husband in case I have come into contact with anything whilst at my job interview.
OP posts:
LIZS · 20/07/2021 14:20

Maybe consider that a blessing, he sounds abusive and controlling.

pleasedonttextmyman · 20/07/2021 14:25

I am also not allowed in close contact to him for 48 hours until I have had a negitive LFT test on weds.

hope you have a garden shed.

for him.

pleasedonttextmyman · 20/07/2021 14:26

Aren't your kids going to school or nursery?!

If not, they should! Your house sounds suffocating with that weird partner of yours.

Fernando072020 · 20/07/2021 14:33

This is actually quite difficult to work out.

At first, I thought he was being unreasonable and quite controlling actually. Then you said, he wasn't like this pre-covid which made me think he's developed some anxiety to do with the pandemic. Then I remembered you'd put that he suggested getting a job as dinner lady (which rules out the covid anxiety, as surely he'd be reacting to any job?)

Could it be he just doesn't want to parent his kids more than he has to? Have the lockdowns made him realise he doesn't like having the kids so often and is now wanting you at home to look after them so he doesn't have to?
Because bottom line is to me that he sounds like he is using covid as an excuse for you not to take the supermarket job which would mean he takes the kids during your working hours, but is fine with you taking a job around school time as you'll be home to deal with kids.

LookItsMeAgain · 20/07/2021 14:53

Is your husband telling you that you can't go near him for 48 hours until you've had a negative LFT?
He is very controlling @Rizzoli123.
Where is he moving to with the kids while you await this negative LFT??

Original poster
Rizzoli123 · 20/07/2021 15:54

@pleasedonttextmyman

Aren't your kids going to school or nursery?!

If not, they should! Your house sounds suffocating with that weird partner of yours.

Yes they are on school holidays until September
OP posts:
Original poster
Rizzoli123 · 20/07/2021 15:55

@LookItsMeAgain

Is your husband telling you that you can't go near him for 48 hours until you've had a negative LFT? He is very controlling *@Rizzoli123*. Where is he moving to with the kids while you await this negative LFT??
Nowhere staying in the same house. Just no close contact with him
OP posts:
PickAChew · 20/07/2021 15:58

I wouldn't go near him even with an lft.

You getting this job is a step towards independence that he is going to do everything he can to sabotage.

PickAChew · 20/07/2021 15:59

Don't do his laundry or anything while he wants you away from him, BTW. He can't have it both ways.

TinaYouFatLard · 20/07/2021 16:05

I have everything crossed that you get this job OP.

His anxiety is irrational and you do not deserve to live under the control of any other person.

missnevermind · 20/07/2021 16:06

Carry on as normal. Don't keep away from him. Sleep in your own bed 😁 it's up to him to stay away from you.

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