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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if this was rude?

52 replies

OddsAndBobs · 19/07/2021 21:32

Asked summer nanny to come up with a plan for the week. She texted me this afternoon with some ideas but one idea meant the eldest child would miss out on library trip she wanted to take the youngest one to. (Eldest finishes school a day later.

I said ' I think you will need to do the library on Thursday so L can also join in. She will be very sad if not.' But did praise the other ideas. Was I rude?

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 19/07/2021 21:33

That's not rude at all. You were just tweaking her basic plan to suit your DC. Does she think you were rude?

Prettybubblesintheair · 19/07/2021 21:34

Not rude exactly but very fussy and I wouldn’t be happy if I was your nanny. Your eldest can miss out on one trip to the libary, it’s hardly Alton towers is it and your youngest would benefit from the one on one time.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 19/07/2021 21:34

How is expressing an opinion rude?

Shapesorted · 19/07/2021 21:36

I think you could have phrased it nicer, please and thank you don't go amiss.

MiaMarshmallows · 19/07/2021 21:38

A bit. May have come across as abrupt and could have been worded differently.
Personally I would have said something like 'Sounds great! I was thinking, Emily loves the library. Do you think we could change things a little so she can also come? Thanks for the brilliant ideas.'

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/07/2021 21:39

Are you feeling ok?

LemonRoses · 19/07/2021 21:40

If I was the nanny I’d feel micromanaged. What on Earth is wrong with only one child going to the library unless it’s about enrolling in a reading scheme.

Dollpiglet · 19/07/2021 21:40

@Shapesorted

I think you could have phrased it nicer, please and thank you don't go amiss.
Weirdly, I think it can read as more snippy with please and thank you in a written message.
mineofuselessinformation · 19/07/2021 21:41

What do you expect her to do with the dc on the day they are alone together?

Shapesorted · 19/07/2021 21:47

@dollpiglet Read what MiaMarshmallows wrote, does that sound snippier? I think it sounds nicer and less bossy.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 21:52

What made you think it might be rude?

It sounds like basic communication to me Confused

Unless you left out the bit where you called her a bastarding jizzmonger and booted her in the fanny?

MiaMarshmallows · 19/07/2021 22:00

See I think it does come across as rude. Not in a major way but if I were the nanny I would be rolling my eyes and feeling a bit irritated.
There are ways of saying things and I think in this relationship more than ever, manners and respect go a long way.

saraclara · 19/07/2021 22:05

You were just a bit more blunt than you need have been.

"Great ideas, thanks! L is really keen to go to the library though, so do you think you could do that on Thursday instead? Thanks - she'll be so happy"

It's just about building a relationship with the nanny that makes her comfortable with you.

Geamhradh · 19/07/2021 22:06

It's the "I think you will need..."
As pp has said, if you'd said "lovely, though it might be an idea to do it on such-a-day so L can come too"

Jubbies · 19/07/2021 22:07

Obviously "summer nanny" is not up to the job of raising your children. Get rid and persuade one of your other nannies to pick up the slack.

Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 19/07/2021 22:09

Would she have chosen the library that day as something to do with the youngest that wasn’t a big missing out event for the eldest?

Changemaname1 · 19/07/2021 22:13

@WorraLiberty 😂😂

Unless you left out the bit where you called her a bastarding jizzmonger and booted her in the fanny?

Fkin hell hahaha

OP it sounds fine honestly don’t worry

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/07/2021 22:14

Did the nanny tell you you were rude?

ahoyshipmates · 19/07/2021 22:14

What is she going to do with the younger one on the older one's last day at school then - stay at home doing nothing?

thecatfromjapan · 19/07/2021 22:15

It's fine. Don't worry.

As an aside, women generally put far too much thought into being 'nice' and tie themselves in knots about seeming over-demanding.

You wanted the nanny to change the day of a library visit so that your eldest could go too. It's OK to ask for that. It's not micro-managing. It's fine.

Hankunamatata · 19/07/2021 22:16

Why on earth is nanny sending you a schedule? Surely she can decide weeks activities without supervision and older dd can go to library week after

NerrSnerr · 19/07/2021 22:17

I assume the Tuesday library trip isn't the only trip to the library in the holidays so I don't see the issue. The nanny will have to something with the youngest on Tuesday so it may as well be the library"

Helpmyboobs · 19/07/2021 22:17

@mineofuselessinformation

What do you expect her to do with the dc on the day they are alone together?
This is what I'm wondering. I don't think it's rude but it's presenting a problem without a solution. She has a day with one of the DC without the other and has come up with a plan that you don't want the other one to miss out on. Have you suggested to her an alternative activity that you think won't be too upsetting for older DC to miss out on?
BakedTattie · 19/07/2021 22:19

Come on op, did you just want to tell us you had a nanny? Confused

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/07/2021 22:20

Why would the eldest be sad at the thought of a missed library trip, but not anything else the nanny might choose to do with the youngest?
Are visits to the library really such a major event?