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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ban Sil from bringing drugs into my house when she comes to stay

101 replies

susiegrapevine · 18/07/2021 16:19

Long story short. Sil is coming with her 2 children to stay with us whilst she finds somewhere to live near us so we can support her and the kids. She has a drug habit mostly weed I think and I was trying to lay out some ground rules with him one of them being no drugs in the house while she is here - which will hopefully be no more than a month. Dh thinks it's unreasonable to expect this and she can't just go cold turkey. She has lots of mental health problems and currently lives with Mil who basically looks after the kids as she stays in bed all day and only gets up when she can be bothered and goes out to the shed to smoke weed. Anyway aibu?

OP posts:
romdowa · 18/07/2021 18:48

I'd cancel her stay , it has disaster written all over it

GettingItOutThere · 18/07/2021 18:49

i would not let her in the house, purely due to the fact she will never leave.

Have the kids over as you will be looking after them anyhow, tell her to find somewhere else to go

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 18/07/2021 19:19

Sounds like the plan is for her to claim she is homeless for social housing.

Trouble is, once she's in, the council will tell her she has a roof over her head - yours - and that she won't get any accommodation. So you end up stuck with her permanently, as there will always be a reason why she can't get a private rental (and if she turns down an offer of B&B if you do tell the council she cannot come back to yours tonight, then there is no offer at all, ever, as she's intentionally homeless as a result).

It would have to be an absolute No, it's not happening, not even for one day, as far as I'm concerned.

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 19:37

Yes I wouldn't let her come even for a night... sod that Flowers

Thedogscollar · 18/07/2021 19:51

Dear God OP don't care if she is your sister, she is still a drug addict that sleeps all day and doesn't care for her own children.
This has disaster written all over it. No way would a drug addict be living in my house, relation or not.
You have to put your own family first. She is not going to change. Weed is a great demotivator and she sounds like she has lost all motivation.
Give her the address and contact number of the council for emergency housing as she is being made homeless.
You cannot be expected to deal with this.

HotPenguin · 18/07/2021 20:04

Don't do this, I think it would be better if you can afford it to down pay 6 month's rent on a two bedroom flat for her and the kids. Or she declares herself homeless and goes on the council waiting list.

Notebooksarefabulous · 18/07/2021 20:30

Not a chance would I let her stay. Tbh I wouldnt even let someone with a weed habit visit for the afternoon. No way. (weed gives me a headache)

Disneyforever1974 · 18/07/2021 20:41

Can’t she stay at MIL’s and become homeless at home? Which means she can stay at MIL’s until the council find her a place?

Longdistance · 18/07/2021 20:41

So, your dh lied to you and dressed it up as sil having a holiday, when in fact sil will be dumping her kids on you to sort out and she’ll be asleep in bed all day. Dh will be at work without a care.
Yeah, fuck off!

messybun101 · 18/07/2021 21:08

@HotPenguin

Don't do this, I think it would be better if you can afford it to down pay 6 month's rent on a two bedroom flat for her and the kids. Or she declares herself homeless and goes on the council waiting list.
This is a crazy idea!!

Why should op'a way out here be to pay a ransom so her house is free from this lodger who's slipping her way in?? Massive NO

If anyone's getting a 6 month down payment for accommodation it should be @susiegrapevine. She moves out, husband and SIL go about their life

Why is your husband feeling the need to step in here anyway?

Hankunamatata · 18/07/2021 21:10

I'd be given her written rules

  1. No drugs or smoking in or near house
  2. She gets up and stays up every day
  3. She cooks x number of times a week
  4. She Hoovers every other day
  5. Takes turns cleaning bathroom etc
  6. She doesn't disappear and leave children with you or dh
Marcipex · 18/07/2021 21:20

It’s no good giving her a list of rules. She’ll agree until she’s under your roof.

You’d be crazy to agree to this. You’ll end up being the one to leave.

She needs to apply for la help wherever she is living now.

EKGEMS · 18/07/2021 21:20

You both are out of your fucking minds to agree to this tomfoolery

Sssloou · 18/07/2021 21:39

Add in the loony toxic Ex that she’s fleeing tracking her down and kicking your door in in the middle of the night.

Also she will have all the local dealers dropping off at your house.

She will behave appallingly and your own DC will be exposed to this shocking dysfunctional shit.

Why is your DH enabling this and also his hoarder DM? They need to manage themselves. Your “help” just facilities both their issues - let them hit rock bottom in their current home.

Don’t encourage either of them to come and live in your town - your lives will be ruined.

BudrosBudrosGalli · 18/07/2021 21:40

Those poor kids should not be with such an unfit mother. And you would be utterly mad to have this waster stay at your home. The old MN staple; OP you have a DH problem if he tried to spring this on you!

Sssloou · 18/07/2021 21:41

My coke-head xSIL lived at my DMs for a few weeks - months later bailiffs turned up as she has run up debt on my elderly DMs house.

Cherrysoup · 18/07/2021 21:42

Jesus, no, don’t allow her through the door! She won’t be able to pay you, so you’re for,ing out for her and her 2 dc? This is a definite path to resentment. You’ll end up hating your own house.

bakingdemon · 18/07/2021 21:45

Absolutely do not let this happen. Your priority is your children and you should not have a drug user around them. Ever.

Feedingthebirds1 · 18/07/2021 21:52

The problem with everyone saying good God don't do it is that her DH appears to want it to happen. If he was onside it would be easy, but it isn't. So as so often on MN OP, you have a DH problem.

Have you talked about how it's going to work? How long they'll be there for? Where they'll sleep? Who's going to do the donkey work? (It'll be you, whatever he says. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of her DCs.) Who's going to pay the extra in bills and food? What effort she'll put into looking for somewhere else?

I don't envy your situation OP. But for me it would be blazing row time.

TheChiefJo · 18/07/2021 21:54

I'd be tempted to say that if she can't endure a month without bringing drugs into the house, you'll take the children but not her.

Dogvmarmot · 18/07/2021 21:54

to me the issue is not whether she can smoke weed in your house but the fact that she sits around all day. Doesn't sound like she will be up and looking for accommodation/jobs. BTW you may be criminally liable letting her smoke in your house (silly as that might be). If its genuinely 1 month why cant she just come to yours a couple days at a time when she is looking for jobs/housing. Is your MIL that far away.. How will she get a place to live with no job/no money/etc. I would tell her no. how many jobs has she applied online for? what plans does she have for accommodation? private - does she have any money to pay for rent.... Unless she has cash saved up it seems very unrealistic to think she will be up and out in 4 weeks.

Dogvmarmot · 18/07/2021 21:57

@Hankunamatata

I'd be given her written rules
  1. No drugs or smoking in or near house
  2. She gets up and stays up every day
  3. She cooks x number of times a week
  4. She Hoovers every other day
  5. Takes turns cleaning bathroom etc
  6. She doesn't disappear and leave children with you or dh
and she wont do any of them. is my guess. she is totally unmotivated.
Hanab · 18/07/2021 22:24

Your house your rules .. if DH is not on board maybe he can put her up somewhere. I personally would not allow any sort of drugs in my home esp if I had young kids. I know its weed but is DH 100% sure she is not on anything else? I can’t believe he does not agree with you .. is that not the same as being an enabler?

MurielSpriggs · 18/07/2021 22:24

I didn't agree per say I thought I agreed to her having a holiday and it kind of evolved into this.

I'm sorry to say that it's still a holiday for her you've agreed to. It's just an indefinite one.

In order for her to enjoy her holiday properly there'll need to be chambermaid. Also a chef and waiter. Ideally a child minder. I'm sure you darling husband has people lined up for these jobs.

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 23:59

@susiegrapevine

can you stop this .. can you say No and stop her moving in 🌷

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