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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are all teenage girls self-obsessed??

58 replies

FortunesFave · 18/07/2021 13:27

I feel terrible writing this but if I have to discuss either of my teen DD's personalities, looks, boys they like, boys they don't like, what they're good/bad at, who they look like, what colour hair is best on them, which top is better etc etc etc etc I"ll go NUTS.

They're 13 and 16...to be fair the 16 year old isn't as bad as the younger one as she's capable of discussing other things but they both do it!

I'm sure they're not like this with their mates...just me! I listen patiently, give an opinion when asked...is it always like this with teen girls??

OP posts:
DoucheCanoe · 18/07/2021 13:28

No. I think it depends very much on their personality and friend group.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 18/07/2021 13:32

Sorry but yes it's all part of being a teenage girl, remember their brain are not even fully developed yet. They can be caring when they need to my dd has been very sweet while I have been ill and has cooked dinner and kept me company but it's not really right that she should have to do this and I am always willing to listen to her opinion of love island and what top suits her to make sure she gets a bit of teenagering in. If necessary pack them off on a sleepover with their friends for a bit of peace!

bonfireheart · 18/07/2021 13:35

No. Taught in an all girls secondary school and no they're not all like that.

Imapotato · 18/07/2021 13:38

Sort of. What you describe makes up a small part of how my dds are, but there’s a lot more to them than that.

cheninblanc · 18/07/2021 13:38

My eldest is like this, obsessed with image, my youngest no. And the eldest has been like it for years but the youngest never has

NotAnotherPushyMum · 18/07/2021 13:39

No, my teen and her friends aren’t like that.

WhiskeyNeverStartsToTasteNice · 18/07/2021 13:39

DD might discuss this kind of stuff with her friends, don't know, but never with me. Not sure if I'm relieved or sad??

thecatsmum12346 · 18/07/2021 13:40

Teenage girls can be tough. Bear with it. Might take a few years but in their 20’s they will become your friend. For now the only thing of interest is going out, makeup, boys etc
That’s my experience anyway. However!!! My sister’s teenager (privately educated inParis) is the opposite end of the spectrum. Super academic etc. Now I can’t afford private education and our local grammar schools are fab anyhow. I used to worry so much about my dd’s exam results until a very upsetting, let’s say, ‘near death’ experience put it all into perspective. Take a deep breath. It will all pass.

Hottubtimemachine · 18/07/2021 13:40

At least they are talking to you! I suspect my teen talks like this to her friends, she just grunts at me.

Divineswirls · 18/07/2021 13:44

Be glad that's all they talk about with you as it means their world is quite safe and harmless and that they like talking to you.

There are much darker more unpleasant topics they could be discussing so be thankful and go along with it.

fantastaballs · 18/07/2021 13:50

Not all teenage girls are like this. My eldest is now 23 yes, she was like that. Everything was drama and angst. Nothing mattered but her and her hair/clothes. I believe her shallowness (?) stemmed from insecurity. My youngest, #4 child, 2nd daughter is currently 13. She is mature beyond her years, dreams of being a surgeon and is very assertive and determined with excellent boundaries. She fully knows her own worth and doesn't suffer fools. She still has a good time with her friends etc but has an excellent balance.

Divineswirls · 18/07/2021 13:51

My DD 14 is also concerned with image etc but we've had to navigate the 'me too' issues that her and her friends and many other school girls have been experiencing amongst other things.
So we have varied discussions about her life and experiences and those that her friends also go through. They seem to discuss the darkest of issues amongst themselves which DD then needs to discuss further with me to reflect upon.

So be grateful really is all I'm saying with regards to your DDs and their normal teenage concerns.

Fimofriend · 18/07/2021 15:05

No, of course not all teenage girls are like that. What a mean thing to even think!

If a man had said that I would assume he had tried it on and been rejected.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 18/07/2021 15:16

@Fimofriend

No, of course not all teenage girls are like that. What a mean thing to even think!

If a man had said that I would assume he had tried it on and been rejected.

Hmm Wtf did I just read? Why are you wittering about men? And being mean?

No, on second thoughts, don't bother telling me!

OP posts:
jagoda · 18/07/2021 15:18

No I don't think all teenage girls are like that. Mine wasn't and I used to teach in a VI form college. There were the "Plastics" who all behaved like that, but most young women I come across are interested in art, culture, travel, social justice.

Shallysally · 18/07/2021 15:21

No, they aren’t all like that. My teen talks about people she likes, but she also is able to engage in conversation about a myriad of other topics.

It’s good that they are talking about their skills and attributes, identifying their positive abilities. The hair thing, they are finding their feet, embrace it!

On a positive note, your teens are chatting to you!

Geamhradh · 18/07/2021 15:24

Nope
I teach 200 and have one I made earlier sitting next to me as I write.
I find them joyful. Optimistic, ambitious, bursting with the knowledge that they thankfully live in a world where they can be who and what they want.

WisestIsShe · 18/07/2021 15:26

I voted YABU because I think you should be glad they're talking to you. Mine is the silent type and it's much more worrying.

ChequerBoard · 18/07/2021 15:29

No, they really are not.

There is always a group that are like that and count myself really lucky that DD18 has skilfully avoided the small pool of shallow ones that she and her friendship group call 'the plastics'.

DD has just finished sixth form and is excited about heading off to Uni in September as are her eclectic mix of friends.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 18/07/2021 15:30

Nope my teenage daughter is 14 and most definitely not like that. She would do anything for any one. Loves a gossips as we all do but isn't obsessed with boys/girls clothes hair etc

blueshoes · 18/07/2021 15:33

My dd is not like that. She would call her classmates who are like that the 'girly girls'.

TooBigForMyBoots · 18/07/2021 15:34

I voted YABU @FortunesFave because my teenage DS and his friends can be like this too.

Polkadots2021 · 18/07/2021 15:37

@Divineswirls

Be glad that's all they talk about with you as it means their world is quite safe and harmless and that they like talking to you.

There are much darker more unpleasant topics they could be discussing so be thankful and go along with it.

This, 100%!! It's lovely they can talk about normal stuff, boys, clothes, whatever. Not that I'm encouraging vacuity but it's lovely to know in the time of Covid that they're just shooting the breeze randomly, and having fun.
Polkadots2021 · 18/07/2021 15:40

@ChequerBoard

No, they really are not.

There is always a group that are like that and count myself really lucky that DD18 has skilfully avoided the small pool of shallow ones that she and her friendship group call 'the plastics'.

DD has just finished sixth form and is excited about heading off to Uni in September as are her eclectic mix of friends.

My friends and I always were more geek squad that anything so I know what you mean about the plastics but we wouldn't have said that - no-ones plastic in my view, just the tiny bit on show might be, but that's all it is really, isn't it, a show. Everyone has hidden depths you don't expect.
ShaunaTheSheep · 18/07/2021 15:40

Well you raised them so

My DD and her friends are not like this.