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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are all teenage girls self-obsessed??

58 replies

FortunesFave · 18/07/2021 13:27

I feel terrible writing this but if I have to discuss either of my teen DD's personalities, looks, boys they like, boys they don't like, what they're good/bad at, who they look like, what colour hair is best on them, which top is better etc etc etc etc I"ll go NUTS.

They're 13 and 16...to be fair the 16 year old isn't as bad as the younger one as she's capable of discussing other things but they both do it!

I'm sure they're not like this with their mates...just me! I listen patiently, give an opinion when asked...is it always like this with teen girls??

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 18/07/2021 15:41

Well of course on MN they are all too busy studying for Cambridge/Oxford whilst riding to Olympic standard and doing voluntary work for under privileged children.
Meanwhile back on planet ordinary yes most teenage girls are like this.

rothbury · 18/07/2021 15:41

Lecturer in FE college here - teach 16+.

Aside from the aforementioned Plastics, who are definitely a minority, no, teenage girls are not all shallow and appearance obsessed.

I think today's teens are far more open minded and socially aware than my generation were. I am in my fifties and was raised to get married - there was mothing more important to my horrible mother than me having a boyfriend.

Fortunately those days are, for the most part, gone, and so teenagers can broaden their horizons.

Hopefully they will grow out of it OP.

JaninaDuszejko · 18/07/2021 15:43

Aren't all children and young adults self obsessed? They aren't mature enough yet to constantly consider other people and that's OK. All my 3DC witter on about things that DH and I find boring, for mine it isn't boys and makeup but DD1 will spend ages giving me a blow by blow account of her teams football match, DD2 tells me every detail of her maths lesson and DS tells me all about dinosaurs (he's 8). The teenagers don't discuss their appearance endlessly though, but I am not into makeup etc myself and neither of them have ever been 'girly girls', they have arange of interests that they talkabout forever.

FWIW my lovely MIL calls us and tells us all about the minutiae of her day as well. It's just those of us in the middle who don't have that luxury and have to care about those older and younger than themselves.

Geamhradh · 18/07/2021 15:45

@Fairyliz

Well of course on MN they are all too busy studying for Cambridge/Oxford whilst riding to Olympic standard and doing voluntary work for under privileged children. Meanwhile back on planet ordinary yes most teenage girls are like this.
How nasty. Chip, much? (None of my 200+ are doing any of the things you despise so much btw, but they're still fabulous)
bonfireheart · 18/07/2021 15:52

Well of course on MN they are all too busy studying for Cambridge/Oxford whilst riding to Olympic standard and doing voluntary work for under privileged children.
Meanwhile back on planet ordinary yes most teenage girls are like this

Why does it have to be one or the other? Why if people say girls they've taught are not self-obsessed it must mean they are otherwise training to be Olympic athletes as you so sarcastically put it?

Fairyliz · 18/07/2021 15:56

@Geamhradh
But it’s ok for other posters to sneer and call them the plastics?
I didn’t say all girls are talking about boys etc but they are obsessed with their own lives and interests whether that is worrying about the planet or the football results.

ZednotZee · 18/07/2021 16:02

I love these threads, classic MN Smile

Maryjane3227 · 18/07/2021 16:06

There are very good books about the teenage brain by Nicola Morgan. The ego-driven behaviour is down to insecurity and the worry about what peers will think. It's an evidence based book, that helps the reader to empathise (doesn't mean you have to get rid of rules and boundaries but it really helps to make sense of teen behaviour.)

WaltzingToWalsingham · 18/07/2021 16:10

I think it's pretty normal, OP. It's a bit unfair of PPs to call girls like this "the plastics". Your girls are still fairly young and perhaps live quite a sheltered, small town life. They will probably become less self-obsessed as they get older, their world becomes bigger and they get more life experience.

phoenixrosehere · 18/07/2021 16:16

No, they’re not because funny enough teen girls have different personalities. I had some friends that were boys, clothes, gossip crazy and had some that weren’t which I spent more time with because they were more like me. We were more into music, books, anime, art, computer/video games and talking about random things. Boys and clothes rarely came up unless we were talking about dances and whether we were going or not.

I will admit my mother would have preferred the very thing you’re annoyed about when it came to me and it confused her because she was like that as a teen girl and was hoping for those same conversations only for me to show little interest in such and more into things that didn’t scream “stereotypical teen girl”. Not many teen girls she knew loved documentaries and rather spend their night at home watching them then going to some alcohol-furled party. It led to her finding me odd, secretive, and too lax since we had little to talk about. Plus, it didn’t help that our thoughts of fashion differed drastically and she was often annoyed that I didn’t agree with her taste no matter how polite I put it. I still remember how annoyed she was I preferred and bought a £20 slender soft blue dress for my senior prom that I stumbled upon in a charity shop vs the £300 sunny yellow tulle mini ballgown that would have had me hot and itchy that she wanted for me.

I did get a BA in Fashion because I loved the art and design aspect over simply just what to wear and those conversations she wanted with me as a teen, we have more now as adults and actually agree on some things.

RoseMartha · 18/07/2021 16:25

Yes more or less mine talk about they are too fat or too thin or this top doesnt suit but it did yesterday or does this boy like them or a boy they like ignored them and they spend ages doing selfies and pouting in the mirror. Or they feel heterosexual then one will have a week where she feels bi or a day when she feels she is gay then straight then bi.

Then there is a day when one feels non binary then the other one feels like that for a couple of days a week later.

I have far bigger problems with one of them, so I tend to listen if they want to talk about the stuff above and concentrate on the other issues.

But the constant preening they do gets on my nerves especially when I cant get in the bathroom.

DoorMatCat · 18/07/2021 16:31

NATGALT: not all teenage girls are like that!

But as PP said there are types and groups. Eg the plastics. The vapid, shallow, make-up-clothes-appearance-social media-boy obsessives that give the rest a bad name.

Fingers crossed they'll grow out of it but in my experience they morph into more of the same with added injectables and attitude.

Karmagoat · 18/07/2021 16:35

My 14 year old dd is all me,me,me at the minute. She wasn't always like that, only the last few months so guessing (hoping) its just a teenage angst, self conscious thing going on. For the most part she is a kind, funny and usually lovely little creature who at the minute is also a massive pain in the arse WinkGrin

Stompythedinosaur · 18/07/2021 16:36

Teenagers are more self-obsessed than adults, their brains work differently.

YABU to link this to gender though. I work with teens and the boys are just as self-obsessed (though admittedly without the societal pressure that their value comes only from their looks and attractiveness to men).

rothbury · 18/07/2021 17:02

To be fair "Plastics" is a very well known term for girls with interests such as the OP describes. It's the same as saying "Geeks" or "Jocks"

It's just teen tribes - twas ever thus.

MintyCedric · 18/07/2021 17:13

Nope.

Don't get me wrong 16yo DD likes to get dressed up, go clothes shopping and hang out on social media as much as the next teen, but it's certainly not all she thinks about.

She's currently working 2 jobs - one WFH; going to the gym (tbf if I hear anymore about weights and squats I might go into a coma); and when she's at home she's reading a book around one of her A-level subjects; cooking; researching universities and gap year so lots of our conversation revolves around those subjects.

SweetPetrichor · 18/07/2021 17:25

Not all…I was a massive nerd, as were my friend group, but there’s always the shallow girls who’s only personality is short skirts and bad makeup. It’s all part of growing up. Most grow out of it.

malificent7 · 18/07/2021 17:26

My dd is a so called " plastic" and I raised her. However, I was never a plastic at school. I am a compkete geek and love studying, science, art etc. I tried to instill these intetests in dd.. trips to natural history museum, art galleries etc as well as all the fun kid stuff and surprise, surprise.. she rebelled.
It is a phase.

malificent7 · 18/07/2021 17:27

Having said that she does have intetests outside of clothes and make up such as sport. Its not all shallow.

567fedup · 18/07/2021 17:33

DD is quite into clothes, dying her hair, the goth look. Has just had a piercing (!!) She doesn't really talk to me about it though, and doesn't talk to me about relationships - she must keep all of that for her friends.
But she's also starting to discover classical literature and talks about that.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 18/07/2021 17:50

My dd tells me she is a modern Bimbo which is a subculture of girls who like to be very feminine and "plastic" and enjoys watching Love Island and chatting about boys whilst confounding the stereotype that all girly girls are shallow and stupid. They think that is all based in misogyny and the patriachy Their role models are people like Elle from the film Legally Blonde. Dd is studying STEM and hopes to be an Engineer and she is interested in politics and current affairs and music.

That said it doesn't matter exactly what your teenager is interested in, the question is are they telling you more about themself and their interests rather than listening to your opinions and problems. I think it's normal that they are a bit self obsessed at this age and they grow out of it as they mature.

CorianderBee · 18/07/2021 18:30

Thinking back... yes. I think it's all just part of being a teenager, feeing emotions far more intensely than adults and figuring out who they are and how they fit in the world.

Think I came out of it around age 19 😂 My mum says I came home from uni one time and was suddenly just... normal again lol.

CorianderBee · 18/07/2021 18:38

Although I did have other things going on too rather than just looks. I more just meant it's normal for teens to be a bit self obsessed and wrapped up in their own world

Moelwynbach · 18/07/2021 19:37

I think it depends on the individual. It's a bit mean of people calling them names. I think teens are not fully formed in the brain department. They still have so much growing to do. I've met teens who are seen as "self obsessed" at school and they have turned into completely lovely adults.

bigbaggyeyes · 18/07/2021 20:02

My teen dd is obsessed with bloody selfies, make up and hair. Not so much boys (yet). But she also enjoys cooking and she's been a star when we've been moving , her school are also really complimentary about her so I try not to give her too much stick over it

Her phone is full of photos of herself, makes me cringe. She's not even bothered if people see her taking tonnes of photos of herself

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