Napping at childminder…

[Katesboy8]

My 3yo has always slept badly. He’s hard to settle, wakes in the night and is an early riser! He still has a nap as eliminating that made it even worse. He goes to the childminder 3 days a week and I keep stressing he needs a good nap. He’s just been poorly and out of his routine, we have managed to get this routine back and I stressed to the childminder he needed a good nap on Thursday with her. She said she would make sure this happened before they went out for the afternoon. However, when I picked him up she said he slept in the car on the way back from their outing. She said he slept about 45 mins. Here he sleeps in his cot for about an hour and 15-30 mins. She has said before that he slept on the sofa because another child was in the upstairs cot and she didn’t want to put another cot up! I have said to her a few times (she’s a family friend too) he needs a proper nap as we then suffer! In a cot in a dark room as I don’t think the sofa is sufficient.

She doesn’t have her own children so I don’t think she knows the effect it has on us long term with lack of sleep! How do I tell her politely?! I feel like I’ve said it enough times and she’s also a family friend and knows we suffer with this lack of sleep. I just worry when he comes back after a few days with her he is over tired, grumpy and it ruins our weekend and I can only attribute it to that! AIBU to be annoyed by this?!

Three year olds, not test olds!

If you need an exact routine, you will have to pay for one to one care. The joy of a childminder of course is that your child spends time with others in more of a "family" environment.

You are used to your little one being the only, they are used to them being "one of the kids". Life is full of compromises and at the childminder more than one child's needs are considered.

A kip in the car on a school pick up or on the way home from the park is natural. Forcing a child to nap, is not. Childminders are more child centred, if they need a nap at that moment they have one.

If you need a strict routine, you need to explore other childcare providers.

That's not good enough. I'd be annoyed at the sleeping on the couch or in the car, I used to be a nursery manager and our sleep areas had to have specific requirements.
Generally, our 3 year olds wouldn't nap but if they parents requested it then absolutely.
You can't force a child to sleep but if a travel cot was set up and he'd happily go in for a nap then it should be offered.

The nap is too close to bedtime and too long. Hence he’s taking 1.5 hours to fall asleep. My 3 years old naps for over an hour after lunch but wakes up by school pick up time and ready for sleep by 7.30. No way will she sleep at 7.30 if she wakes up by 4.

I think if it's just because she couldn't be bothered to put the cot up, then that's annoying. However - my 3 year olds nap on a floor mat as they are too heavy for the travel cots and it would be dangerous in case they tried to climb out.

Also she is allowed to nap anywhere, car, floor, bed.

Oh, when parents are having trouble getting their children to sleep at night I tend to suggest (gently) that they may not need to nap so much during the day.

A lot of our older 2s and 3 year olds are there now. I do get its a nightmare when you pick them up in a car and they fall asleep on the way home but such is life.

While I agree that she should be trying her best, it is normal for children to have different routines when they're in childcare. I work in a nursery, we have children who sleep at home but not with us. Some only have short naps at home but sleep for hours with us. Often those who sleep for hours at home but not very long at nursery are used to complete silence which isn't possible with other children around.

Maybe he's growing out of needing such a long nap now? Have you tried keeping him going all day and an earlier bedtime to see if that helps?
YABU though. Sorry!

Hi OP - my DS is 2 and is a really poor sleeper. We put down at 7 and it can take until 8:30 for him to fall asleep.

We find it's worse after a day out and about (even if he has a nap!) because it's exciting and tiring!! We also find it's worse if he has had a long nap.

Over an hours nap for a 3YO does seem very significant and may be why you are struggling at night?

Have you explained the situation to the CM and asked what she advises.

If every child had a 1hr 30 nap they'd never leave the house! A nap in the car or on the sofa is still a nap

Are you sure he's not just outgrowing his nap? Yes the 90 minute nap used to be what he needed to sleep well at night, but maybe now he really needs to only have a nap on alternate days?

@Eardrumy

The nap is too close to bedtime and too long. Hence he’s taking 1.5 hours to fall asleep. My 3 years old naps for over an hour after lunch but wakes up by school pick up time and ready for sleep by 7.30. No way will she sleep at 7.30 if she wakes up by 4.

He doesn’t have a nap and wake up at 4! His nap is usually 11.30/12 at home but with her it’s about 12.30/1-2

Most 3 y/o don’t have a nap. Most are at pre school where there isn’t provisions for a nap, at the best there will be a mat in a corner.

What are you doing to sort the early rising OP? A 3yo going for a nap at 11;30am is just a massive tell that they aren’t sleeping well enough at night

The timing of the childminders nap sounds appropriate to me. All of the napping children in my setting go after lunch so about 1.00pm. I'd never get lunch in otherwise It strikes me that she may be seeing him start to drop the nap.

If you want him to be put down for a nap in a designated space then thats fine but I don't think you can insist on a cot. At this age a sleeping mat would be more appropriate.

She can’t force sleep on him. You should know that.

@Katesboy8

I understand your frustration, and please let me reassure you, that the issues with sleeping overnight will get better.

However, it's a totally unreasonable expectation that your childminder will be able to facilitate your DC's nap to the same extent that you can at home.

E.g She's got 4 kids to look after, of various ages and stages of development, therefore it wouldn't be appropriate for her to get them all fed and napped at the same time simply because of their various ages, never mind the individual parents desires and routines.

It would, however, be reasonable to expect some kind of routine at the childminders, but not the same one you have at home ?
Does that make sense ?

Your DC can easily get used to another 'routine' at the childminder. In fact, he's going to have to get used to a different 'routine' again at nursery, and yet another at school.

I get that you'd rather stick to the routine you have at home, where you have only your DC to accommodate, but the harsh reality is that that simply won't be possible anywhere else like a childminder or nursery.

Children grow and adapt to lots of different routines throughout life, they have to, and while it's obviously very frustrating and unhelpful when you're struggling to get him settled at night, please take some small comfort from knowing that you are doing everything possible to ensure he is happy, healthy and loved (and it will pass, I promise you !), and that as long as he is happy at the childminders, you're doing great.

Do you not do much with him during the day then if he has to sleep at 1130/12 every day for 1.5 HR in a dark room in a cot only?

I would not allow a three year old to sleep in the day especially if they were not sleeping at night. Mine started nursery at 3 and a half and I didn’t expect them to sleep there. We all have different ideas I suppose. I’ve never understood why people think a child sleeping during the day will make them sleep better at night. Doesn’t make much sense to me. I’ve raised a lot of children.

Sounds like a long nap for a 3 year old!! From my experience that would be why he is waking so early. As soon As my son dropped his nap (at 2.8 years) his night time sleep increased to 12-13 hours from about 11. Are you sure the nap is needed?

@Blueberrycheesecake1

Sounds like a long nap for a 3 year old!! From my experience that would be why he is waking so early. As soon As my son dropped his nap (at 2.8 years) his night time sleep increased to 12-13 hours from about 11. Are you sure the nap is needed?

Agree with you. Get the child active during the day. Playing and having fun. Sleeping is for nighttime.

I'm a childminder. All mindees have their own cot/camp bed. One prefers the sofa, however, as do I as she dusrupts the others (she is vocal!) Nap time is nap time. Those who don't nap for whatever reason can draw or play quietly or the older ones can go in the (enclosed and child-friendly) garden while I watch through the patio doors but only after a time when everyone relaxes, with a book if chosen, but in silence. Most of them fall asleep after the 30 or so minutes!

I agree that I don't think the nap is needed anymore tbh.

My dd, nearly 4, is a funny one with naps. Loves her nap and even asks for them at home. She will nap for around 2-3 hours at home. At my mums she will occasionally nap for an hour at best and when at nursery wouldn't nap at all. I think they sleep Differently depending where they are.

I thought we'd have outgrown naps by now but apparently not!

I agree with PP that children nap differently in different settings. He should be put in a cot to nap though!! If there’s 2 babies who need to nap, she should have 2 cots ready.