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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend and money

59 replies

Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 22:17

I had lunch recently with my friend. Years ago we were both SAHMs and a few years ago I went back to work due to me and dh separating. I started a business using my qualifications from years ago and it's doing pretty well.

My friend is still a SAHM and has said a few snidey remarks in the past about my job. I've shrugged them off and tried to not let it bother me. Just recently at lunch she asked me how much money I was making every month, I gave an approximate. She then said, 'we'll my dh gives me £800 a month to spend'.

AIBU to think she's being a bit weird here? I'm happy for her that she's enjoyher life but it felt like she was rubbing it in that she doesn't need to work.

OP posts:
Twocanplay · 16/07/2021 22:20

Yeah she is obviously jealous. Very childish answer from her. Is this the first time she's acted like this?

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 22:23

She's said a few snidey things in the past. I really don't know why she'd be jealous, I work hard and although I enjoy my job I have to sacrifice time with my kids a lot.

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 16/07/2021 22:24

doesn't sound like a nice friend

30degreesandmeltinghere · 16/07/2021 22:24

Maybe she has sold her soul to the devil?

Mansplainee · 16/07/2021 22:28

I hope you told her she could pay for lunch then

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 22:29

I paid for my own, I should have asked her though!

I feel sad about it, we used to be great friends. I feel like things have been different since I started working.

OP posts:
Unsoliciteddeckpic · 16/07/2021 22:37

These sort of thing can really cause a divide.

I went back tobwork after my mat leave. My sil (dbros wife) who had decided to a sahp kept trying to start the sahp vs wohp debate. I kept telling her is a not a debate I am interested in. People do what they feel is best for their family.

We ended up not speaking when she told me working women, shouldn't be allowed to give birth. I haven't spoke to her since.

I think sahp must get the same, but I can't speak for them. But the worst comments I have had have been from people who decided to be sahp while I didn't. It used to bother me, it doesn't now. It's their issue.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 22:41

I never really saw an issue with it, like you I always felt it was personal choice and sometimes (in my case) necessity. I'm happy for my friend to carry on doing what she enjoys but feel hurt at her taking a cheap shot at me.

OP posts:
MittensOnKittens03 · 16/07/2021 22:42

Never discuss earnings with “friends”

She isn’t a friend so I’d reduce contact

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 22:48

Yes I agree, I used to be the one texting her and arranging to meet. Trying to keep our friendship going, she never asks after me these days.

I don't usually bring up money, she usually does.

OP posts:
Saidtoomuch · 16/07/2021 22:49

People can be twats. We all make our own decisions on our lives and whether its a SAH or working parent, we do what is best for ourselves and our families. Attacking you because you have chosen different to her is bonkers. I personally would not enjoy my DH giving me an allowance each month.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 22:52

I think my friend sees the allowance as something to be proud of, I feel like she likes the idea her dh buys her expensive shoes or clothes and she doesn't have to work for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 22:53

Last summer I bought a new car and she made a remark 'oh now you've got your millions you've bought a car'. Bit sarky. I make enough but clearly a long way off having millions!!

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 16/07/2021 22:57

Ditch her. Friends don't need to ask what each other earn. It's not relevant in a good friendship. If anyone asked me I woudnt tell them.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 22:58

Yes it seems very competitive!! She likes to talk about how much her dh earns.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/07/2021 23:01

You didn’t have to tell her what you make, it’s private! And you could have said so.

She’s jealous, and she’s in a weird one sided competition with you.

Crystalcrazy · 16/07/2021 23:03

She sounds like a Debbie Downer. I know someone who is like this, seems to thrive off other people’s misfortune and misery. They can’t bear for anyone to be happy, always dishing out comments to sew the seed of doubt Sad

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 16/07/2021 23:05

I know I shouldn't have said anything now about my earnings, I didn't think she wanted to compete with me. Her husband is on a really high salary, I don't understand why she'd want to compete with me.

Maybe I make her feel better about herself. That's not great though.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 16/07/2021 23:06

She sounds boring to me. She is jealous of your job and brings money up because it's the only thing she thinks she can compete with.

She's not really a friend IMHO

Greenbks · 16/07/2021 23:06

That’s really shit of her and not very nice for you. She is clearly insecure of her situation and is putting you down to make herself feel better or to pre-empt any judgment from you (not that there seems to be any judgment on your part)

I think the friendship is over - you don’t need or want people putting you down or being jealous of what you have achieved. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely happy for you.

IceLace100 · 16/07/2021 23:07

She sounds insecure and a little jealous

Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2021 23:08

Come on, op. Where are your boundaries? This is NOT how a real friend would treat you. She's a jealous viper in the grass. Raise your standards and fire her as your friend. She doesn't deserve the title.

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/07/2021 23:09

Why are you hanging onto her? She sounds boring, bitter and malicious.

Fade her out.

annacondom · 16/07/2021 23:09

She sounds insecure. It's also pretty bad taste to ask people how much they earn, as this should be private. It's a shame she's like this. Maybe you've grown apart and the friendship has run its course.

Notapheasantplucker · 16/07/2021 23:11

Yeah, she sounds bitter and jealous. Probably because you earn your own money yet she's relying on her DH to get by..