DC won't get upset when reprimanded - worrying?

[Isla21July]

As a background info: I'm prone to anxiety and that complicates my parenting from time to time. :(

This week, my DD had been messaging her friend in a somewhat rude manner one morning. Her friend had phoned her and woken her up, and still half-a-sleep, my DD had messaged her using some unhappy/angry emoticons. I haven't seen them but I know it happened because her friend's mum contacted me the same day.

I was quite upset b/c of the behaviour of my DC. It must be difficult to every parent, but because of my anxiety, I felt physically ill and it took a lot of effort to get over those nasty I am a looser -feelings. I managed to talk to my DC in a calm manner, and reprimanded her as gently as possible (I told her it is not ok to send angry emoticons to a friend, even if you are upset someone just woke you up).
My DC seemed to understand and seemed slightly upset after we had talked. She look worried and little tearful. She said she did not intend to hurt or offend anyone. However, she didn't get that sad. Literally two minutes later, she was back to her happy self, enjoying her time with her DB, telling jokes, jumping on trampoline etc.

I was a very different kind of kid. When my mum/dad disciplined me, I would dwell on it for the rest of the day, withdraw and feel bad. I remember how I shrank.

Is it normal that a child gets over being disciplined/reprimanded so quick?

Do you think the way you reacted to things as a child might be linked to your anxiety now?
I wouldn’t like it if my children dwelled on a telling off all day. You have the discussion, you move on. Hopefully they don’t do it again. What benefit is there in a child being upset all day about something they can’t change? Do you really want your daughter to ‘shrink’?

I think your projecting your anxiety on to your daughter.
You said yourself you gentle reprimanded her and she seemed slightly upset. What did you want? Her wailing and crying with full on dramatics and then dwelling on it like you did?

So you suffer with horrible anxiety and you're worried that your child doesn't have the same crippling feelings? Yes yabu. She was sad and then moved on. That's normal for a teenager.

Yes YABU. She felt sad and guilty and acknowledged how her friend felt. Did you want her to spend the rest of the day feeling awful about it?

She sounds emotionally healthy and robust. She’s taken on board that she did something wrong (actually, I’m not sure what she did was that bad), reflected on it and moved on.

You sound a bit disappointed, like you actually wanted her to be upset all day. If she had, would you have felt better?

My daughter cares a bit (same as yours) my son literally couldn’t give a shit. You can see him inching off to play but trying to look Sincere enough to get him off the hook.

I'm not sure why you even reprimanded her to be honest, is it that bad to send an angry emoji? I'd have maybe just explained that her friend might have been upset. But your DD was upset too about being woken up.

I think your anxiety is clouding your judgement, you don't want your DD to dwell on minor things she has done wrong, she should acknowledge she made a mistake and then move on

Knowing how awful your anxiety makes you feel, do you really want your daughter to deal with things in the same way you do?

YABU. Your viewpoint seems quite skewed to me. How old is your DD?

Tbh I'm not sure I'd have reprimanded her at all. Not sure she did anything wrong. And neither are you as you say you haven't seen the messages. And I think her reaction was great. She listened, was sad, thought about it and talked it through with you and then got on with life like it wasn't a big deal. Which it wasn't..... what do you want?

So you want your child to be as anxious as you?

Also agree she didn’t do anything that bad. Sounds like fairly normal teen interactions to me.

Dd sounds about right. Cringeing for days from a telling off isn't healthy.

Whereas, you and the mum of dd's friend could do with taking a step back.

You don’t say how old your DD is, but I think this is normal - tbh, the other mother sounds overbearing. Depending on age, if the kid can’t handle a few angry or sad smiley faces in response to their actions that negatively affected someone else - life is going to hit hard.

Would you rather her be like you and dwell on things and get upset and anxious alot?

For what it's worth, unless your daughter called her friend a rude name, I don't think she did anything that wrong , she told someone they'd upset her because THEY did something rude and inconsiderate. I think you run the risk of turning her into a doormat with your anxiety issues. I'd have said "why was your daughter calling mine that early and waking her up?" To friends mum

If a friend wakes me up with an inane text, then I'm annoyed as well - and I'm 36! I don't think she's done anything wrong responding with an "angry" emoji.

You're really REALLY overthinking this.

Doesn't sound like your daughter did anything wrong.

You spoke with her and she has acknowledged what you were saying and taken it on board.
I don't think you need worry. Sounds like you did a great job there.

Hang on, are you saying the friend’s mum contacted you to complain about your DD’s text?

Also, don't push her til she shows the required amount of upset. That's what my mum used to do as I didn't react initially to telling off. She used to go on and on until it would react with tears or whatever she thought was appropriate. When I got older I'd eventually shout and then be punished for that too. Partially what's caused my anxiety I think....

I have diagnosed anxiety, and was like you describe as a child.

I'm fucking delighted that my DD isn't the same and doesn't seem to have inherited my mental health problems.

Also, I think it's entirely reasonable to send an unhappy emoticon if someone has upset you. And it's healthy to let people know they've upset you, rather than being an anxious, people pleasing doormat (like me!) would you rather DD just let people upset her and didn't enforce her boundaries?

Sorry, you're disappointed that when you told your child off for no reason whatsoever that you weren't able to crush her spirit?

So. Confused.

She sounds pretty young, what with the going off on the trampoline, and her friend’s mum intervening.

I don’t see what wrong with an angry emoji at being woken up 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just sounds like normal child interaction that they learn to negotiate themselves. What did she actually put?

• dude, you woke me 😡
• it’s 10:30, don’t be so lazy? 🤷🏻‍♀️
• yeah, fair point 😭 💤
• so what time shall we meet?

I dont think she did anything wrong. Why are dds feelings less important than her friend's?

I used to dwell on stuff like that for YEARS and could never understand how others could just keep their heads up after a massive bollocking. But Im glad my kids dont seem to because its really unhealthy.

I don’t think your daughter did anything wrong. I think it’s healthy for friends to be honest with each other about how they feel. Pretending to be happy and fine all the time is a sign of insecurity. It is also healthy that your daughter didn’t dwell on things. OP I think maybe you are projecting some negative emotions.