DC won't get upset when reprimanded - worrying?

[Isla21July]

As a background info: I'm prone to anxiety and that complicates my parenting from time to time. :(

This week, my DD had been messaging her friend in a somewhat rude manner one morning. Her friend had phoned her and woken her up, and still half-a-sleep, my DD had messaged her using some unhappy/angry emoticons. I haven't seen them but I know it happened because her friend's mum contacted me the same day.

I was quite upset b/c of the behaviour of my DC. It must be difficult to every parent, but because of my anxiety, I felt physically ill and it took a lot of effort to get over those nasty I am a looser -feelings. I managed to talk to my DC in a calm manner, and reprimanded her as gently as possible (I told her it is not ok to send angry emoticons to a friend, even if you are upset someone just woke you up).
My DC seemed to understand and seemed slightly upset after we had talked. She look worried and little tearful. She said she did not intend to hurt or offend anyone. However, she didn't get that sad. Literally two minutes later, she was back to her happy self, enjoying her time with her DB, telling jokes, jumping on trampoline etc.

I was a very different kind of kid. When my mum/dad disciplined me, I would dwell on it for the rest of the day, withdraw and feel bad. I remember how I shrank.

Is it normal that a child gets over being disciplined/reprimanded so quick?

@Cocomarine

I’m on the more relaxed side of phone availability for young kids… But really, why does a 9yo have access to her phone at a time when she’s half asleep? So presumably in her bedroom? I’d stop that.

This is astounding to me. Firstly that a 9 year old even has a smart phone, although I guess that's not too unusual. But why on earth is it somewhere overnight where it can wake her up? In my house we all leave our phones in the kitchen or living room overnight, and we're all adults.

"A parent should know that some of the fears they have about their child failing, has nothing to do with the child."
Good to remember sometimes.

She sounds normal and resilient .

Sounds like you're expecting her to be anxious like you

I think both mothers are seriously over involved and being ridiculous. Children are entitled to squabble occasionally. They are entitled to send a little picture saying there are not pleased.

Why tell her off?
Why has she a phone where it can wake her up?
If she’s only 9, why had she even got a phone?

Why would you want your child overreacting to a few mild words of reprimand? I think my children would have fallen off their chair laughing at me if I’d told them they couldn’t tell a friend they are a bit cross about being woken up.

I'd actually back up and say she was well within her rights to send angry emojis to express displeasure at her friend. Girls shouldn't be raised to people-please and 'be nice' all the time. They're allowed to say no, to get angry, to announce displeasure.

She didn't do anything wrong.

She's 9? Bit young to be giving her access to a phone she can message on whenever without supervision that you then go on to overreact about. Take the phone away and think about her age before you project. You're not safeguarding like this. Get it under control before she's full on preteen.

I told her it is not ok to send angry emoticons to a friend, even if you are upset someone just woke you up

Why the fuck not?

Seriously, can you give us one single good reason?

I'm baffled

Her phone should be switched off overnight and not in her room. Problem solved!

But it sounds as if your dd is emotionally healthy and dealt with this fine.

That's great your DD seemed to understand and show remorse and was able to repair and move on.

Remember there is no facial expression for shame so it can be hard to tell what children are feeling inside.

Now for this other mum who contacted you, has she stoked up some anxiety in you if she was a bit prickly about this and you aren't sure what to do with it? You have nothing to prove. She probably feels she has done her bit by offloading her feelings to you. You needed to redistribute it too. Your DD took it on board. Now draw a line under it and turn those frown emojis upside down.

YABVU. Her reaction is normal.

It’s not healthy to feel guilty and dwell on incidents; that is something you need to address in yourself.

I am also confused why you felt the need to tell her off for sending an angry emoji to her friend who woke her up! Sounds fine to me.

@Thadhiya

I'd actually back up and say she was well within her rights to send angry emojis to express displeasure at her friend. Girls shouldn't be raised to people-please and 'be nice' all the time. They're allowed to say no, to get angry, to announce displeasure.

She didn't do anything wrong.

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

There's quite a lot wrong here but your child's response to being told off isn't one of them.
No phones in sleep time for 9 year olds.
I'm surprised the other mother mentioned it unless the DC was less than honest about why the angry emoticons were sent. Or is there a drip feed that lunchtime when she woke your child?

Echoing those that no way should a 9 year old have her phone in her bedroom to be able to wake her up. Very strict rule in my house and dd is nearly 12. I think it's odd also that you recognise your reaction as ac hold (and adult) comes from extreme and debilitating anxiety but are worried your dd is suffering the same. A brief reflection - and maybe an apology to the other girl (not for sending the emojis but for upsetting her as that wasn't the intention) is the most that's required here. No need to make any kind of a big deal of anything so minor.