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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without DH

81 replies

DancingQueen2018 · 15/07/2021 08:54

Just that really. I’m self employed so take the whole summer off to cover holidays so he doesn’t have to, other than our 2 week family holiday which we usually go and visit his family (clearly not this year), but we do have 10 days away in the UK.

Our school is finishing early so I have booked a bargain break away with a friend and her children for a mon-fri I absolutely knew he can’t take this week off as he is very busy in July.

He thinks this is totally wrong and there’s no way I should be going. I’ve acknowledged he’s clearly upset but won’t apologise or back down because I genuinely don’t see I’m doing anything wrong here. AIBU to go away without him?

OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 15/07/2021 08:56

He's being a knob.

Daisychaincarrot · 15/07/2021 08:57

I mean…you could have told him beforehand?

Conchitastrawberry · 15/07/2021 08:58

I go away without my husband and kids a couple of times a year (well I did before covid). He is being an idiot! God knows who voted you are being unreasonable!

Nuggetnugget · 15/07/2021 08:59

I did this (for a shorter period)
If course you should. I did tell him though. Didn't just book and he gave me money to get treatswhike we were away.

AFS1 · 15/07/2021 08:59

Absolutely not being unreasonable!! I’ll often take the kids away for a few days without my partner if he’s working. It makes it easier for me to entertain the kids and he can work late if he needs to in the build up to our family holiday.

frazzledasarock · 15/07/2021 08:59

YANBU, did you let him know you wanted to do this?

I would do this and I'd be fine for DH to do this if he wanted to as well. As it is we managed to go on a break last month was lovely ot get away and we paid less as it was prior to school holidays.

DoormatBob · 15/07/2021 09:00

I wish my DW would do this. I'd see it as a holiday at home for me!

Does your DH need you to ensure he is clean and fed? What is his objection?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/07/2021 09:00

I've been away with my kids a few times without dp because he doesn't want to take the time off. He's always been absolutely fine about it. He wants the kids to have a good time.

Elune · 15/07/2021 09:01

Why does he think it's wrong? I go away with my best friend at least every year (or did pre-babies and Covid, we will get back to it soon!). Is he just annoyed you didn't tell him or is he annoyed that you're going without him? If the former, that's not so bad. If the latter, then he can jog on.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/07/2021 09:01

And to be honest he's getting more of a break than me while we are away.

DinosaurDiana · 15/07/2021 09:02

Of course you should go.
Maybe his mum can pop in to make his tea, tidy up and do his washing while you’re away 🤣

olidora63 · 15/07/2021 09:03

I have been on holiday with the kids without DH …what is he worried about? Did you tell him that was your plan?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/07/2021 09:03

Although, even though I know he won't come, I don't book until I've asked him if he wants to. Maybe he just feels a bit left out? I probably would if my dp book a holiday without just making sure I didn't want to go.

IsobelEd · 15/07/2021 09:03

I often take my teenagers away for a couple of days without their dad while he's working and they're on school holidays. It's a way of keeping them entertained.

Amdone123 · 15/07/2021 09:04

I go away without my DH all the time ( at least I did. As soon as we can travel again, I'll be off). He goes away with his friends too. When we go away together, we have a great time, but in our case absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Is it money he is worried about or is it a trust issue?
The former can be sorted. The latter not so much.
My sister's exh never let her go anywhere ( well, work but he was also a lazy swine). Not even a night out. I'm going back 20 years. She just snapped one day; we started with city trips then 2 week holidays. Then she got rid. It's a horrible trait.

Backtoreality1 · 15/07/2021 09:05

yanbu in going, but yabvu to not have discussed it with him before you agreed to go. It really is shocking how many couples on here don't talk to each other about plans and then complain when their partner is upset. TALK TO EACH OTHER!

olidora63 · 15/07/2021 09:05

Why can’t he just enjoy the peace and quiet?

SamBeckettsLastLeap · 15/07/2021 09:06

@DoormatBob

I wish my DW would do this. I'd see it as a holiday at home for me!

Does your DH need you to ensure he is clean and fed? What is his objection?

Yep, DH thinks it's an amazing break for him. Only proviso is that I sort the dog walker so he only has to do his normal evening walk. Pre covid we'd been gone for weeks.
Awrite · 15/07/2021 09:09

So, you take the summer off from paid work to look after the kids?

And he wants to dictate how you do that?

Fuck that.

Original poster
DancingQueen2018 · 15/07/2021 09:10

Oh I did tell him (it was booked months ago), I just reminded him this morning and he went off at me . I also made it clear if things at work changed he was more than welcome to join us! I think he’s swayed as he doesn’t really like her or her kids.

I do also have to leave him labelled meals in the fridge to heat up. He didn’t used to be so bad but He’s barely left the house since COVID and I think it’s been really bad for him.

OP posts:
Couldhavebeenme2 · 15/07/2021 09:10

What's his objection op?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/07/2021 09:13

Has he given you any concrete reasons why he is unhappy about it?

My husband job means he is off all summer holidays. I take 1/2 weeks. Without fail he finds a caravan for the kids at a decent rate for 4/5 nights and takes them away. I would dream of trying to stop them

  1. Because it gives me a couple of days to myself
  2. Because they have so much fun
3 because I'm not a dick
KatherineSiena · 15/07/2021 09:13

You leave him labelled meals? Good grief can’t he even cook something simple.

I think we know why he doesn’t want you to go.

Lulu1919 · 15/07/2021 09:15

I used to do this every summer with mine ...just a Monday to Friday but sometimes a week ..he was working and I was a stay at home mum.

Original poster
DancingQueen2018 · 15/07/2021 09:20

His reason Is he feels left out and excluded (though he does that himself but working insane hours and taking no interest in the children) and that his parents never did (though in my opinion they were borderline abusive) and also things have changed since then!

It’s good to hear from unrelated people that I’m not behaving awfully so I shall carry on and enjoy my planned break!

OP posts:
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