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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without DH

81 replies

DancingQueen2018 · 15/07/2021 08:54

Just that really. I’m self employed so take the whole summer off to cover holidays so he doesn’t have to, other than our 2 week family holiday which we usually go and visit his family (clearly not this year), but we do have 10 days away in the UK.

Our school is finishing early so I have booked a bargain break away with a friend and her children for a mon-fri I absolutely knew he can’t take this week off as he is very busy in July.

He thinks this is totally wrong and there’s no way I should be going. I’ve acknowledged he’s clearly upset but won’t apologise or back down because I genuinely don’t see I’m doing anything wrong here. AIBU to go away without him?

OP posts:
Liveandforget · 15/07/2021 09:22

Labelled meals in the firidge? Why do women hate themselves so much and enable this shit?

Just don't.... leave labelled meals in the fridge. Don't leave anything. It'll do him good to get out and about, do a shop and cook his own meals.

romany4 · 15/07/2021 09:30

I do also have to leave him labelled meals in the fridge to heat up

Ummm Just no. That's ridiculous

tootiredtospeak · 15/07/2021 09:39

I would have mentioned it first but unless your finances are really tight that seems like a massive overreaction.

vivainsomnia · 15/07/2021 09:47

Depends on many factors. If I was working really hard, long hours under stressful and pressuring conditions, and brought most of the household income, and my partner worked PT in a stress free job, taking all the school holidays, bringing little income, and then took it upon themselves to book a holiday, costing quite a few quids coming our of the joint income, and only told me after it was booked, I wouldn't be happy. Especially if the family holiday was reduced from 2 weeks to 10 days due to costs.

If however, I loved my job, couldn't take so much holiday but was ok with that because I took pleasure in my work, my partner worked FT and contributed much to the finances, and had discussed going away with the kids and we'd agreed that was absolutely fine, then I would be totally unreasonable to suddenly moan about it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/07/2021 09:50

Depends on many factors. If I was working really hard, long hours under stressful and pressuring conditions

So you'd rather they stay home and share the misery?

and brought most of the household income, and my partner worked PT in a stress free job, taking all the school holidays, bringing little income

Nowhere in the OPS post suggest this is the case.

and then took it upon themselves to book a holiday, costing quite a few quids coming our of the joint income

Shes already said it was cheap.

and only told me after it was booked

She told him before. She reminded him after.

Especially if the family holiday was reduced from 2 weeks to 10 days due to costs

This hasn't happened.

Ragwort · 15/07/2021 09:53

He sounds totally needy ... surely an adult can look after themselves and not feel "left out" and can cook their own meals. Hmm. How old is he? . I would hate to have someone so dependent on me.

My DH (married 30+ years) & I have always had separate holidays, weekends away right from when we first met, does your DH not have his own friends he can do things with? My DH enjoys ski trips, camping, cycling holidays with friends, he often takes himself off on his own for a weekend exploring, staying in a cheap hotel at weekends... I work weekends .... I do the same mid week, love going away on my own or to stay with a friend.

Ragwort · 15/07/2021 09:57

Vivain you'd hate me then ...I was a SAHM for 12 years and frequently took my DS away on holiday whilst DH was working .. DH didn't mind at all, 'family money' is 'family money' ... he was pleased that we could enjoy a break when he knew realistically he couldn't get more time off work. DH would also take DS away on weekend trips and I didn't feel the need to tag along .. although of course I could have if I wanted to.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 15/07/2021 10:00

I can’t see beyond the labelled meals. I’d go and I wouldn’t come back!

HoldingTheDoor · 15/07/2021 10:08

It'd be a one way trip for me. He sounds insufferable. Expecting you to leave labelled meals for him and taking no interest in the children?

KatherineSiena · 15/07/2021 10:10

I got rather distracted earlier by the labelled meals & didn’t really answer your question.

As long as you forewarned him that you were going to go, which you did, of course it’s quite normal to spend a few days apart. I think it’s a bit rich of your DH to complain when you do all the heavy lifting of holiday cover possibly at the expense of your own business?

He sounds a bit needy with a dose of FOMO chucked in.

And back to the meals, does he do any housework, cooking or childcare? Or do you do it all on top of being self-employed?

garlictwist · 15/07/2021 10:10

I go away without OH all the time as he's self employed and never takes any time off. In fact I am about to go away for a long weekend by myself in about an hour. It means I have to holiday alone but I don't mind at all if the other option is wasting my annual leave sat at home. YANBU.

MiddleAgedLurker · 15/07/2021 10:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the OP's request.

toconclude · 15/07/2021 10:28

He can cook for himself, lazy arse. Do NOT enable this.

Amdone123 · 15/07/2021 10:31

@garlictwist, have a great break.
I did this the other week for my birthday week. It was so lovely. I stayed with a relative but she was working during the day so I walked, went for meals, read lots and basically enjoyed myself.
My DH is always pleased for me to go away on my own. He enjoys the peace. I do not leave meals for him. Sometimes I don't even leave food !

ScatteredMama82 · 15/07/2021 10:37

We've both taken the kids away without the other parent at times. Not for long trips, but weekends or a few days. I don't see the problem. I'd object if it meant there wasn't enough money for a family holiday aswell, but if that's not an issue then there's no problem.

ScatteredMama82 · 15/07/2021 10:38

I'm going away with friends later this year for a long weekend. I will prepare some meals for them as DH will be working FT and doing all the drop-offs & pick-ups. I don't mind that though, I just see it as helping out when I get to go off on a lovely break with my friends :)

timeisnotaline · 15/07/2021 10:40

Yabvvvu to leave labelled meals. I wouldn’t do that if I was leaving my dh WITH the dc much less if I’m taking them with me Shock .
Maybe you should obligate him to take a weeks leave and look after the dc rather than just you take it all on your shoulders, losing income. He is their dad.

Notaroadrunner · 15/07/2021 10:44

@Liveandforget

Labelled meals in the firidge? Why do women hate themselves so much and enable this shit?

Just don't.... leave labelled meals in the fridge. Don't leave anything. It'll do him good to get out and about, do a shop and cook his own meals.

Exactly. Unless he's disabled in some way that he cannot use the hob/cooker then you should not be infantilising him by leaving his dinners labelled in the fridge. He's a grown man and should be well able to figure out how to source food. Will you be leaving a weeks worth of clothes laid out for him too?

You don't need permission to go away for a few days. Ignore his strop, go and enjoy the break away from him.

Liveandforget · 15/07/2021 10:54

@Notaroadrunner

He can't use the hob due to having massive balls that get in the way, and very short arms. Ditto with parenting the dc. Massive balls get in the way, and the cursed short arms. Loads of men really suffer with this condition. Poor blokes.

Farwest · 15/07/2021 11:06

Yabu to leave labelled meals. This is a grown-ass man, and he needs you to feed him while you're not there? You are not his cook, maid or nanny.

I suspect YAalsoBU to remain married to this man, but we'd need more information.

Anyway, enjoy your hols!

Wishimaywishimight · 15/07/2021 11:13

How do you "have to" leave him labelled meals? What would happen if you didn't? Presumably he could figure out how to feed himself at some point??

Wombat36 · 15/07/2021 11:17

Ditch the food prep if he continues to be a dick.

MotherOfDemons · 15/07/2021 11:18

How would you feel if he booked a holiday without telling you, knowing it is a date you couldn't go on?

Takenoprisoner · 15/07/2021 11:20

@MotherOfDemons

The op has been telling him all along. Since before booking. He's outraged now that she's reminded him the hoiday is imminent.

MotherOfDemons · 15/07/2021 11:20

Not disputing whether separate holidays are right or not. It wouldn't bother me. the way you went about it really sucked though.

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