FaceTimed again at 6.45

[SpaceRaiders]

Seriously who allows their child to FaceTime someone at 6.45 am. It’s the first day of summer holidays here and I was looking forward to a lie in. Mum must either still be asleep, completely unaware or I don’t know what.

Dc have played a virtual online game with various friends over the last year. They meet in the game, sometimes they randomly find each other, other times they schedule a group meet. It’s been a real lifeline over lockdowns.

I regret mentioning to friend, that my dc were on there with a few of their friends. It’s now become a thing for her dc, she wants to play whilst on FaceTime to my dc. I get woken up at 8am on a Sunday morning. She calls during the week before school. After her school finishes, but when mine are in after school clubs. She calls during dinner. If I ignore it, she keeps calling then WhatsApp-ing. She calls, all the time and despite me hinting to her/mum that it’s not a good time, the mum still allows it!

Please help me tell mum gently that this is really getting out of hand.

Surely you can block the caller on your devices.

Tell her she will be unblocked between the hours of X & Y, problem solved.

It'll be a bit of a faff at first, but hopefully she'll get used to those time slots and stop trying at other times, so if you forget to block it won't be a problem.

If that doesn't work just block completely.

why do you not use bedtime modus?
no one can call/facetime unless you put in an exception.

Surely just take the dc's phones off them at night? Switch them off and return and whatever you consider a suitable time.

Set up your Do Not Disturb iPhone settings - set a time that no calls can come through before and set up the exceptions list so if there’s an emergency or someone rings twice in a short space of time their calls get through.

Or just block that number!

Block her! Unblock her when it suits you.

Say to the mum I know your dc like to FaceTime whilst playing, however I can't give my phone to my dc as I use it for important things and may even get an important call which will be missed, so no more FaceTime.

How old is the DC?

And stop hinting.
Say.

If your child is old enough they can tell them to stop it, or tell them to message first to find out if/when they will be free to facetime

If they are not old enough take the tech away/put on mute pre school/when in activities/at dinner table/overnight

Use do not disturb in the mornings

Block the number

Tell the mum gently? What? Just block. So easy and saves you an awkward conversation.

Never noticed it might be on your phone. Just answer it and tell the child directly to stop calling your phone on facetime and you/your dd will text her mum to arrange a suitable time when you are free.

The reason I say to block rather than telling the mum is the dc probably won't heed her mother anyway.

Why don't you just say. Laugh it off it's funny. She's notletting them they've just got hold of the ipad. Mine are locked down so dc can't just get to them suggest that to her.

All dc devices are connected to my phone/ apple account, so blocking child will also blocks mum iykwim. Do not disturb seemingly only really works if I’m not on my phone already. Oh I don’t know I’ll have to look closely at all our tech settings.

Child is 6 nearly 7, but very very confident for her age. She understands perfectly well, just perhaps isn’t used to being told no.

Ahh I hate doing things like this but I’m going to have to be more direct to mum aren’t I? 😫

We have had this before. Just answer and explain you need your phone, sorry but you can’t ft anymore as you keep missing important things apart from set time etc.
If she still does it just txt her mum, ‘sorry to be a pain, I feel awful they can’t ft like before, I keep missing important things/calls. But they could do Friday at 6.00?’

You don't need to block anyone, you just need to schedule your Do Not Disturb mode to block all calls til a time of your choosing.

Just use airplane more or DND

Don't hint just say to mum why are you tip toeing around it or just block them god knows why anybody let's 6 year olds on games unsupervised is beyond me. This is also on you to solve.

“I love that x loves playing with y so much, but x is FaceTiming/messaging far too much and at inappropriate times, and it is becoming highly disruptive. I don’t mind agreeing times and durations in advance, but if x continues to call/message so early/often I’m afraid it will have to stop completely.”

She calls, all the time and despite me hinting to her/mum that it’s not a good time, the mum still allows it!

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
Sorry to shout OP, inadvertent caps lock, but I'm not editing, because - WHY, in the name of holy lie-ins, are you being so passive?

Writing about, & hinting about, the problem won't fix it.
In the time it took you to write your OP, you could have rung the other mum, asked her to not allow her child to facetime yours before X o'clock, & you'd be sorted.

Instead, you talk to people online, issue vague hints, hope & wish things were different, seethe about the inconvenience - but the single, sanest, most sensible solution to your understandable frustration ... what ...? ... just doesn't occur to you?

What? Why on earth are you allowing this?

There are many ways to stop this happening.

Ahh I hate doing things like this but I’m going to have to be more direct to mum aren’t I?

You can't be "more" direct when you haven't been direct in the first place!
Stop making a big deal out of this, attaching feelings to it like "I hate doing things like this" isn't helping you.
Just have a quick chat with your child's friend's mum?

"Hi Sue, just need to mention to you, our DD's are facetiming at Unholy O'Clock, not sure if you're aware of it so I'm letting you know.
I'm not allowing DD screentime until X o'clock, & will supervise that from this end, so please will you make sure your DD doesn't call any time earlier than that? Thanks - see you soon."

Easier than faffing with Tech - but then if the other mum isn't as reliable as you want her to be - just make sure your own child doesn't have screen access until X o'clock.
Surely that's extremely simple to do?

If she still does it just txt her mum, ‘sorry to be a pain, I feel awful they can’t ft like before, I keep missing important things/calls. But they could do Friday at 6.00?’

Yes, except take out the nambypamby unnecessary apologies.
(excuse me @Workinghardeveryday - your message is great apart from those!)

We have to stop the early mrning facetiming, because I keep missing important things/calls. But they could do Friday at 6.00?’

Women are brainwashed into feeling awkward about asserting our totally reasonable boundaries & right to manage our own time. That's why you feel this is a big deal OP - it really isn't.
The vast majority of people would far rather you told them what you want, than inadvertently annoy you, Just do it!

You need to take control of the tech in your house. There is software that allows you to stay online but switch off your kids!

wifi-blocker.com/

uk.pcmag.com/parental-control-monitoring/67305/the-best-parental-control-software

Then all you need to say to the mum is that you felt the kids were on screens too much and you've now got an app with a timer so no calls before X time or whatever.

My DD wanted to talk to her friends on WhatsApp over lockdown so I let her use my number on her tablet because she’s too young to have her own phone (9 at the time). Anyway when she’d finished with it, I’d log back into it on my phone and her friends would keep trying to call it even though she’d told them she was done with games for the day, going to bed or whatever. I had to block their numbers and stop letting her use WhatsApp in the end, I actually couldn’t believe how late they stayed awake but perhaps I’m strict.

Just block the numbers or turn notifications off basically.

ALL our devices are set to be silent from 23.00 until 08.00. Messages will be seen in the morning.
If anyone genuinely needs to contact us urgently they can call the landline number.