FaceTimed again at 6.45

[SpaceRaiders]

Seriously who allows their child to FaceTime someone at 6.45 am. It’s the first day of summer holidays here and I was looking forward to a lie in. Mum must either still be asleep, completely unaware or I don’t know what.

Dc have played a virtual online game with various friends over the last year. They meet in the game, sometimes they randomly find each other, other times they schedule a group meet. It’s been a real lifeline over lockdowns.

I regret mentioning to friend, that my dc were on there with a few of their friends. It’s now become a thing for her dc, she wants to play whilst on FaceTime to my dc. I get woken up at 8am on a Sunday morning. She calls during the week before school. After her school finishes, but when mine are in after school clubs. She calls during dinner. If I ignore it, she keeps calling then WhatsApp-ing. She calls, all the time and despite me hinting to her/mum that it’s not a good time, the mum still allows it!

Please help me tell mum gently that this is really getting out of hand.

Similar here. DD10 is an owl so school night bedtime is around 10pm. But her friends were trying to call at midnight/7am (might as well be dawn as far as this household is concerned) and messages all the time. It’s calmed down now they are back in school.

DD doesn’t spend much time online/gaming now. I have her phone from 8pm and make sure it is on silent.

Child is 6 nearly 7, but very very confident for her age. She understands perfectly well, just perhaps isn’t used to being told no.

Please don't blame the 6 year old for what is absolutely a failing of their parent.

You can control what happens in your household. Let them worry about theirs.

I would also remove your child's access to FaceTime and WhatsApp if she is also 6. Theta far too young for them to be navigating this kind of invasive friendship. Play a game online and see friends by all means but by giving from access to apps designed for people more than twice their age you are taking away their safe space. When you are 6 if you have a bad day you go home and shut the door and that's it. Allowing all these apps means the door is never closed.

I don’t understand why I should have to say to another parent that it’s not appropriate for your dc to be calling me at 6,7,8am. Surely this is basic manners and common sense? I wouldn’t call anyone at that time unless it was an emergency and certainly not on FaceTime.

I wouldn’t say i’m passive either, if anything I’ve been told I’m a little too direct to the point of being abrasive. But it’s just how I come across. I think my issue is more with friend than anything, she falls out with people for minor things hence wanting to take the softly, softly approach which hasn’t really worked this far.

However these have been my last few WhatsApp messages just this last week, “No more screen time for dc today…possibly Friday afternoon”, “sorry not now sweetie, we’re with dc’s cousins”, “No screen time for dc until homework is done” “dc are at their swimming lesson right now”, I couldn’t be clearer, it’s relentless! I’ve even ended up just hanging up on her dc which I consider rude, but equally I’m fed up with the constant intrusion. To be clear; the dc doesn’t have her own phone either and is calling from her mums phone/WhatsApp.

Mine weren’t on screens this morning fwiw. And are supervised whilst on there. I have fairly strict rules about when and where they can use iPads, the restrictions allow just one hour of gaming a day, usually in the evenings when time allows.

Why do you need help to tell her "gently".

She's a friend, you just tell her it's annoying and ask her to stop.

Also take devices away at night.
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Generally speaking, with these kinds of things be polite but direct. A simple ' Hiya I'm setting some boundaries with DC when it comes to online gaming so will be switching off/blocking screen time at certain times. Thanks for understanding' etc.

No biggie.

Just read your update. Just block her for a few days. She'll soon get the message.

Surely this is basic manners and common sense?

Common sense is not that common.
Some people assume that their family routine is what others do so if their kids are online after breakfast then they assume that other kids may be too.

Be direct and say that your dc doesn't play daily but will be available on Monday at 2pm or whenever. After that session tell mum the next session.

Pussyfooting doesn't work with some people. Maintain your boundaries or if you're too scared then phrase it as you don't want their dd wasting their time chasing your dd needlessly. Use DND more or block their number so you're not interrupted. They won't know that you're screening calls and messages.

The fact you haven’t used the phrase: “Do not call until X (Sunday, Monday, etc),” or, “Have your mother call me and do not message again until she does,” means no, you have not been blunt or forward or abrasive. You have never said, “Stop calling.” I don’t think you understand what’s happening here. Your friend is having a lie-in or accomplishing things at your expense. She probably handed her child her phone at 6:45am and couldn’t give a shite what she did with it as long as she, the mum, could go back to sleep. She probably didn’t even pay attention or care that she called you (apparently). So here is what you need to do the next time she calls at some ungodly hour, ie 6:45am, you say, “Dear, give the phone to your mother,” who I guarantee will not have been paying attention to the situation at all IF she is awake.

Then tell the mum, “I think your child may be using your phone without your knowledge because NO ONE would let their child call someone at 6:45am, or 20 times a day as yours calls me, or during the dinner hour every day. So maybe you want to lock your phone or I’ll have to block it. Have a good day!” Pretend you have no knowledge the mum was allowing it. If she falls out with you, who cares. Unless she’s also your boss at work? Otherwise, shrug.

You mention FaceTiming, so you're Apple people.

You can easily stop anyone from calling during DND hours except for priority contacts - like your DM.

If you let your child use technology, you really have to be on top of this stuff.

I don’t understand why I should have to say to another parent that it’s not appropriate for your dc to be calling me at 6,7,8am. Surely this is basic manners and common sense?

But they are not applying basic manners or common sense. You will have to tell them.

I agree with the posters - don't hint - say.
Set up a message group with the Mum and the Child and ask them not to face time you at 6 am on a Sunday morning and add that your DC are not allowed on phones until xyz times.
If they do it again, message back so the Mum herself gets it at 6.00 am..Or ask her to get her mum out of bed so that you can facetime her. they will soon stop. I think the Mum is being a CF and letting your children and by extension you - entertain her child whilst she has a lie in.
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You don’t need to hint just tell them point blank. I had a similar issues recently, however, I was unexpectedly the other parent.

I hadn’t been aware of it by my 4 year old had been phoning my older child’s friends parents phones through Alexa. Waking them up at 6.30am on more than one occasion. The first time they messaged me asking if I’d done it by accident and I thought something was wrong with my phone. This kids don’t have phones so we didn’t clock until the third time when DC left a message. He’d get up go downstairs and say ‘Alexa , call X’. We put a block on the call feature. I apologised profusely.

Just phone the mum and say, “Listen, Sandra, your kid is constantly trying to FaceTime mine on my phone. She’s doing it at all hours of the day and night and it’s got completely out of hand. Can you get her to back off and they can play together on Friday afternoons between 3 and 5pm (or whatever)? I think that’s more than enough screen time for my two. I don’t want to have to block your number but seriously, I’m being woken up some mornings at 6.45am. Last week she called 20 times, interrupting work calls, dinner time, homework, etc. etc. We need to nip this in the bud now”.

I bet the mum just hands her phone to her dd and sleeps a bit more.m so has no clue her dd is calling.

Either way I think you need to be direct and use your phone's features to mute calls.

I like Wiredforsound’s message above. I’d send that in a text.
Once a week should be enough.

Put your big girl pants in and just say to the mother

Don’t know if you are aware but xxx is continually calling/ FaceTime /WhatsApp my children often early in the morning when we are sleeping. My kids also have limited screen time and it’s different each day

Please tell her to stop, otherwise I am sorry I will have to block your number

On not in

You can easily stop anyone from calling during DND hours except for priority contacts - like your DM.

Yes I get that, but then it also stops me being available for work purposes. I’ll take a look at the settings again, I admit I’m not the most tech savvy.

I think the Mum is being a CF and letting your children and by extension you - entertain her child whilst she has a lie in.

I think this is it too. Friend lives a couple of hours away we only really see them twice a year, although I see/talk to mum more often than that.

@SpaceRaiders

You can easily stop anyone from calling during DND hours except for priority contacts - like your DM.

Yes I get that, but then it also stops me being available for work purposes. I’ll take a look at the settings again, I admit I’m not the most tech savvy.

You can set the phone so only some numbers can get through. For example at night you might want to be woken up if an elderly relative got taken to hospital but you don't want other calls.

The mum probably has no idea they're doing this, hinting wont help.
Just send mum a message saying please can x not WhatsApp or facetime before school as you dont have time for games in the morning.
If you.dont want them doing it at all say please can x not message on facetime/WhatsApp unless x is on the game as its clogging up my.phone thanks.

I don’t understand why I should have to say to another parent that it’s not appropriate for your dc to be calling me at 6,7,8am. Surely this is basic manners and common sense? I wouldn’t call anyone at that time unless it was an emergency and certainly not on FaceTime.

I suspect mum has absolutely no idea - if she's still in bed and lets her DC get up unsupervised in the morning, that's probably when it happens.

If you don't want to be disturbed, put your phone on DND and set it up so that only certain numbers come through (your mum, work and whoever else you want to hear from at that time).

Don't bother messaging back