FaceTimed again at 6.45

[SpaceRaiders]

Seriously who allows their child to FaceTime someone at 6.45 am. It’s the first day of summer holidays here and I was looking forward to a lie in. Mum must either still be asleep, completely unaware or I don’t know what.

Dc have played a virtual online game with various friends over the last year. They meet in the game, sometimes they randomly find each other, other times they schedule a group meet. It’s been a real lifeline over lockdowns.

I regret mentioning to friend, that my dc were on there with a few of their friends. It’s now become a thing for her dc, she wants to play whilst on FaceTime to my dc. I get woken up at 8am on a Sunday morning. She calls during the week before school. After her school finishes, but when mine are in after school clubs. She calls during dinner. If I ignore it, she keeps calling then WhatsApp-ing. She calls, all the time and despite me hinting to her/mum that it’s not a good time, the mum still allows it!

Please help me tell mum gently that this is really getting out of hand.

@toastantea

I don’t understand why I should have to say to another parent that it’s not appropriate for your dc to be calling me at 6,7,8am. Surely this is basic manners and common sense?

But they are not applying basic manners or common sense. You will have to tell them.

Agree with this.

Also I might be being really thick, but for the early morning issue at least can you not just set your phone to not vibrate?

But I would still talk to the mum about how much her child is calling you.

You can block a single number, OP - which means any other calls are permitted and still come through.

(I don't think you're being nearly as assertive as you think you are.)

Here's a step-by-step guide on how to turn Do Not Disturb on for an individual contact on your iPhone - it's quick and easy: www.iphonelife.com/content/how-to-turn-do-not-disturb-individual-contacts-iphone

I'd BLOCK her and not fecking care ...

she's utterly intrusive and unbearable ...

Send her a clear and direct message "my dc will be available between x and y to speak to your dc. Constant phone calls outside of those hours will be ignored as we are busy, please tell dc so she understands when she can call."

@Wiredforsound

Just phone the mum and say, “Listen, Sandra, your kid is constantly trying to FaceTime mine on my phone. She’s doing it at all hours of the day and night and it’s got completely out of hand. Can you get her to back off and they can play together on Friday afternoons between 3 and 5pm (or whatever)? I think that’s more than enough screen time for my two. I don’t want to have to block your number but seriously, I’m being woken up some mornings at 6.45am. Last week she called 20 times, interrupting work calls, dinner time, homework, etc. etc. We need to nip this in the bud now”.

This. Literally say EXACTLY this. Job done.

I sent friend a message earlier saying; dc will only be available for online for gaming between these hours, as I want to limit their screen time. And she just messaged back okay. No apologies for the early calls, nothing. I guess some people just aren’t particularly self aware.

Thanks @UtopiaPlanitia that will come in handy as I find friend a little overbearing/intrusive at times.

Yeah just a simple message

"Hi, not sure if you're aware but your DC have been calling pretty early in the morning, I don't suppose you could have a chat with her about not calling before insert reasonable time . Thanks!"

@SpaceRaiders

I sent friend a message earlier saying; dc will only be available for online for gaming between these hours, as I want to limit their screen time. And she just messaged back okay. No apologies for the early calls, nothing. I guess some people just aren’t particularly self aware.

Thanks @UtopiaPlanitia that will come in handy as I find friend a little overbearing/intrusive at times.

Bet that means what happens is that the friend's kid wakes her up at 4.55am wanting to watch TV or play games and Mum sleepily hands her the phone, thinking that she's quietly playing games, not waiting until she dozes off again to go back to her room and making calls.

Not self awareness as much as not being aware because she's sleep deprived and in no state to deal with three hours of whining before it's a reasonable hour to get up.

@SpaceRaiders

I sent friend a message earlier saying; dc will only be available for online for gaming between these hours, as I want to limit their screen time. And she just messaged back okay. No apologies for the early calls, nothing. I guess some people just aren’t particularly self aware.

Thanks @UtopiaPlanitia that will come in handy as I find friend a little overbearing/intrusive at times.

Did you even mention it?

@toastantea You want to word for word what I said?

I said I was finding the Roblox/FaceTime thing disruptive, it’s causing issues with dc not wanting to do homework or tutoring when her dc called. And I want to limit screen time for my two over the summer. Therefore they will only be available for an hour between these times. I think that was direct and to the point. She then responded with ok, problem solved (I think)!

Sleep deprived?! She has an early teen and a 6 yr old not a newborn. If anyone should be sleep deprived it should be me! 🤣

[quote SpaceRaiders]@toastantea You want to word for word what I said?

I said I was finding the Roblox/FaceTime thing disruptive, it’s causing issues with dc not wanting to do homework or tutoring when her dc called. And I want to limit screen time for my two over the summer. Therefore they will only be available for an hour between these times. I think that was direct and to the point. She then responded with ok, problem solved (I think)!

Sleep deprived?! She has an early teen and a 6 yr old not a newborn. If anyone should be sleep deprived it should be me! 🤣[/quote]

No I did not want word for word. I wanted to know if you mentioned the early morning calls you are so pissed off both about and that you didn't get an apology over.

6 Year olds obsessed with Roblox and Facetime - and whom apparently don't sleep that much, to be up so early - can also result in parents deprived of sleep, though.

@SpaceRaiders

I sent friend a message earlier saying; dc will only be available for online for gaming between these hours, as I want to limit their screen time. And she just messaged back okay. No apologies for the early calls, nothing. I guess some people just aren’t particularly self aware.

Thanks @UtopiaPlanitia that will come in handy as I find friend a little overbearing/intrusive at times.

Good on you @SpaceRaiders

let your peace begin 🎉🌸

However these have been my last few WhatsApp messages just this last week, “No more screen time for dc today…possibly Friday afternoon”, “sorry not now sweetie, we’re with dc’s cousins”, “No screen time for dc until homework is done” “dc are at their swimming lesson right now”, I couldn’t be clearer, it’s relentless!

You could be way clearer!
To a young child (& to CF's) an explanation of "not now because" or "maybe on friday" or "we're swimming right now" is not in the slightest bit clear - they see it as an invitation to try later, & to keep trying.

@RightYesButNo

The fact you haven’t used the phrase: “Do not call until X (Sunday, Monday, etc),” or, “Have your mother call me and do not message again until she does,” means no, you have not been blunt or forward or abrasive. You have never said, “Stop calling.” I don’t think you understand what’s happening here. Your friend is having a lie-in or accomplishing things at your expense. She probably handed her child her phone at 6:45am and couldn’t give a shite what she did with it as long as she, the mum, could go back to sleep. She probably didn’t even pay attention or care that she called you (apparently). So here is what you need to do the next time she calls at some ungodly hour, ie 6:45am, you say, “Dear, give the phone to your mother,” who I guarantee will not have been paying attention to the situation at all IF she is awake.

Then tell the mum, “I think your child may be using your phone without your knowledge because NO ONE would let their child call someone at 6:45am, or 20 times a day as yours calls me, or during the dinner hour every day. So maybe you want to lock your phone or I’ll have to block it. Have a good day!” Pretend you have no knowledge the mum was allowing it. If she falls out with you, who cares. Unless she’s also your boss at work? Otherwise, shrug.

THIS, this is what I mean by clarity OP.

You need to throw that ball back over the fence. Every time YOU get woken up, KID's DM also gets woken up.

That'll soon get her invested & on-side.

A bit of a digression, but this thread makes me realise that no matter the situation, the OP is always to blame I say this because I posted last summer saying my DD (who was 8) was very forthright with a friend who was pestering her on her iPad and rang (IIRC) about 10 times one day when DD was busy and DD answered by saying "Can you PLEASE leave me alone" then hanging up.

Well didn't my DD just get called:
Rude
Nasty
Amazed she had friends
A bully
Needs to learn who to let people down gently/hint rather than being so direct
Tactless

And here people are saying OP isn't forthright enough and is too polite

But if a pointless post but does make me chuckle

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

A bit of a digression, but this thread makes me realise that no matter the situation, the OP is always to blame I say this because I posted last summer saying my DD (who was 8) was very forthright with a friend who was pestering her on her iPad and rang (IIRC) about 10 times one day when DD was busy and DD answered by saying "Can you PLEASE leave me alone" then hanging up.

Well didn't my DD just get called:
Rude
Nasty
Amazed she had friends
A bully
Needs to learn who to let people down gently/hint rather than being so direct
Tactless

And here people are saying OP isn't forthright enough and is too polite

But if a pointless post but does make me chuckle

Good on your DD :)

The thing is, "friends" who need to be hinted at, told repeatedly, & then outright snapped at, who then resort to DARVO because they have pushed you beyond endurance, are not friends worth having.

The only response in your DD's situation (& i get how frustrating, enraging & upsetting it is to be about0faced like this) is:

"I was tactful 3 times, but you didn't listen. I asked you nicely 3 times, but you didn't listen. Now - at last - you've heard me, but instead of backing off, you're blaming me for your own rudeness. You're not being a good friend, bye bye until you want to say sorry."

changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/darvo.htm

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop Glad someone else noticed that!

It always surprises me how posters will contort themselves to make allowances for the CF but the Op usually gets picked apart, their words twisted to suit whatever narrative is being pushed. If you stand up for yourself then you’re aggressive and hostile. If you tread lightly, you’re too passive. And not just on this thread but I’ve noticed the same on many others too.

Don't have your phone in your bedroom