Grandparents

[CandyFloss31]

So I am pregnant (first child) and my ILs want to be known as Mama and Papa. For context, these are the names their other grandchildren call them. DH and I really don’t like it though. It feels way too much like Mum and Dad to us. Would we be unreasonable to suggest they use different names for our children??

But it is spelled Mama, in every letter or card we ever sent etc, so it is potentially the same as the op who didn’t specify how the IL were asking it to be pronounced. I’d also suggest it does sound similar to an old fashioned posh way of pronouncing mama if you slightly shorten the first and lengthen the second syllable. And like a few others wrote, it’s not that uncommon so may be the pronunciation they’re asking for.

Too close to mama and Dada by far.

They don't get to choose. It's annoying that other grandchildren do it but everytime they refer to themselves as mama and papa to your child just correct them. Don't use those monikers when talking about them and actively encourage DC to use your preferred names for them and point to photos at home to reinforce etc.

Kids tend to choose their own names anyway but you can steer this.

Mama and papa is ridiculous and I think they overstepped even trying to use these. ASFAIK mama and papa always means mum and dad!!!

If they already have grandchildren then it’s a tough one. My mum is nanny because my niece was born first and called hers granny and nanny.
I hate nanny but what can you do?

the consistency with cousins is really difficult. We've ended up with both ILs and my parents effectively called the same thing as they already had names that other grandchildren called them. So we have two Grandmas -which is a PITA when talking about them - eg asking DS to send something to Grandma inevitably gets the question 'which one?"- Grandmas also have pretty much the same name.

Nope. I wouldn't EVER let granpaatents on either side pick that. So bizarre.
Your children, you choose what you're comfortable with.

@ScottishNewbie

Nope. I wouldn't EVER let granpaatents on either side pick that. So bizarre. Your children, you choose what you're comfortable with.

How would you stop them if that’s what their cousins call them?

How about your child calling them grandmama and grandpapa/ It's similar to their existing titles but makes the distinction they are not mum and dad.

I understand why it annoys you, but I'm not sure that you get a choice, especially if the other GC use the names. Saying no might also cause a family row. If you really can't stand it, then you could say something, but I'm not sure that this would be a battle I would choose.

My FIL picked nana (ok) and poppa (wtf?). I have never liked it, but DH was ok with it and I felt it was his decision, not mine.

Fair enough if you don't like Mama, but really, Papa isn't anything like Daddy.

@CandyFloss31 No way I’d let MIL be “mama” 🙄🤣 I’d teach DC that she was “Grandmother” just to wind her up if that was me!
Papa is perfectly normal where I live though. I grew up with a Granny and Grandad on one side and a Nana and Papa on the other 😊

@yikesanotherbooboo

Please don't micromanage. Mama and Papa are their names . Is your DC so special that they can't fit into the family? Let your DC slot in like their cousins. What you think , imo is irrelevant.

Mama and Papa aren't their names. They are descriptors. And one is literally the descriptor for mother. So yes, OP can micromanage her bloody role as their mother.

My father was know as Deda (short for dedyshka) and it never occurred to me that it was too close to dada/daddy. Never any confusion on anyone's part. There is a difference in intonation with the D when it's a foreign name (which can't be described written down) that immediately made it clearer though, which mightn't be there with the M sound though.

Practise saying it a few times, see if it feels different enough. If not then choose something else.

You're bystanders as far as what your child calls their grandparents really, especially if the cousins already call them these names. Your DC will know you're mummy and daddy and that their grandparents are their grandparents. I'm not crazy about Mama and Papa but it is what it is.

Papa is really Scottish loads of grandfathers are.papa here including just missed papa. My dad didn't want to be papa and I thought that was a bit sad. If other cousins call them it itll probably just catch on

YANBU at all imo. How easy this will be to control will depend how much contact your DC have with the cousins and GPs at the same time, and possibly the age difference too.

Posters suggesting you have no control over this whatsoever are ridiculous, as others have already said on this thread how they've successfully managed similar situations.

I would be twisting it slightly so instead of Mama it’s Nanna, and instead of Papa, it’s Papi or Poppa/Pops.

@CasparBloomberg MIL is mama too to DD but pronounced mammar, it's really.common in Derbyshire.

My nephew calls MIL grandma because his other grandma was already mama to her other grandchildren. The ILs find it confusing but the kids don't.

I get why you don't like it because I agree it sounds like something you would call your parents, but you will find it very difficult to have control over what your children call their grandparents.

Like other posters my eldest calls mil mammar but its always been spelt mama

My Nan wanted to be called GG. As much as she tried, it never caught on with either of my children.

Similarly, MIL is Nana to her other grandchildren who live about 400 miles away, my kids call her Nanny. You'll probably find your baby will find their own words.

You don’t really get to decide. My Mum has always insisted on being Nanna because she felt too young for Grandma or Granny. I’m not hugely keen on it but it isn’t really my choice, it’s what she feels comfortable with.

In laws are mammy and dad dad to my nieces and nephews but nanny and grandad for my DD.

Not confusing at all. I just kept calling them nanny and grandad and that's what dd called them.

I didn't like the names they are called by the others.

Can you twist it a bit so Grandma is Mama but pronounced “mar-mar” - that’s how LOs first referred to Grandma in our family (sounding like the end part of “grandma”) rather than “mamma”

Children really won't get confused about who their parents are. My fil is dadda to our children. DH is mami (not sure on the spelling) to his sisters children.

If mama is already being used by cousins I think your children would end up copying anyway.