Grandparents

[CandyFloss31]

So I am pregnant (first child) and my ILs want to be known as Mama and Papa. For context, these are the names their other grandchildren call them. DH and I really don’t like it though. It feels way too much like Mum and Dad to us. Would we be unreasonable to suggest they use different names for our children??

Mama is very common in the midlands for grandmas. But it’s said like mammar.

@LemonRoses

I don't think you get to decide how other adults' choose to be addressed.

This. They’ll call them the same names as the other grandchildren whether you like it or not. The precedent has been set.

Well more like mam -aar

I think it's pronounced Mammmaahh rather than mama. Completely different!

Look at the cousins. Are they confused between their parents and grandparents? I seriously doubt it.

You are being way too precious.

Not in a million years.

It's literally mummy and daddy in Italian.

Ask them their second favourite and call them it to DC frequently.

You sound utterly precious- your child will know that you are their parents ... let them use the same name as the cousins use.

Stretch it out to Ma-ma-ma, ,,,Like Grand-ma-ma

I wouldn’t like that, mama is what most children say for mummy at first. I would suggest nana and stick with that. Papa I think is a bit different but if it’s his dad that wants to be called that, and his mum that wants to be mama, he needs to have a word with them if he’s not comfortable with it.

I’ve left it up to grandparents to choose their names but I don’t think I’d be happy if they picked mama and papa! Unfortunately though I think the opportunity to object would have been when they had their first grandchild and came up with these names… I think it would be weird for your DC to have different names for them than all their cousins. Did the parents of the other grandchildren not say anything or have an issue with it?

Everyone saying that because the other kids call them that they will, thats not always true. My children called their grandfather on my DHs side Pops, all the other grandkids called him Grandpa. Never caused any confusion between all the kids (even when they were little). My father was Papa, so I see nothing wrong with Papa. Mama is a strange one though. My youngest called me Mama until he was like 13.

Rationally I agree that you can’t dictate what another adult is called, especially seen as your dc will probably just follow what the other kids say. But I’m not sure I’d be keen on mama either. My dc is 4, and still calls me mama. I assumed it’d transition to mama as his speech developed (dada became daddy when he was still really little), but he chose to stick with mama. In fact he corrects anyone else who calls me mummy.

Oh I had this issue! The 3 grandchildren before me called my mil "mama" and their own mother "mama (first name)". Mil taught the kids to do this.

I didn't like it, and my husband didn't either. 3 years on, my daughter calls mil by her cultural grandma name which is what is culture (calling gran mama is not their culture, if it was, I wouldn't have minded such)

It was a hard fight but we won. However it also helped that other GC lives hours away and only visited few times a year so dd didn't hear it often.

My kids call my parents different names to their cousins. It doesn't cause any confusion at all. It is outing what mine use but their cousins say granny/grandad and mine use a variation of it because my eldest couldn't say it and it stuck

The 3 grandchildren before me called my mil "mama" and their own mother "mama (first name)". Mil taught the kids to do this.

You can try to encourage your child to call them something different, but if it's what your child's older cousins say, your child will probably end up copying.

My Aunty wanted my cousin to call my Nana "grandma", but as cousin got older and realised we all called her Nana, she followed suit

And also kids won't get confused. In most cultures paternal/maternal grandparents have distinctive names. So your farmor will be your cousins mormor as an example.

However I will say, my sil kid do not get confused who mama/mummy is. They just learnt that mama is their grandma etc and I probably did take it way over the top. But when my dd started calling me mama it brought me such joy.
And I remember seeing dn call mil mama 4 months before she stated calling sil anything at all and that would have STUNG ME.

You can suggest, and so can they.

Many grand-parents end up with a nickname born when a child couldn't pronounce something, or preferred their own version and it sticks.

I'd stick Grand infront of both names and just use that. Feign confusion when your children use mama and papa (when older). It'll work.

Both my children started off saying mummy because my husband uses it and obviously I don't generally talk about myself in the third person. It's taken a little time and I'm now mammy.

Both of my children have separate names for their grandfathers which are different again from their cousins. 🤷🏻

Also I wouldn't suggest grandma because some children say mama for grandma before they master the GR sound and MIL will play on it big time.

The ones more likely to raise an eyebrow are the other children, some family resentment start at nothing more than some precious youngest thinking they should have special treatment compared to everyone else.

But as it's your Dh side of the family, and his opinion, it's not your problem what his siblings think.

You’re the parent and your get to decide what they are called not the grandparents or it’s mutually agreed on. Just because you weren’t the first doesn’t mean you don’t get a say. In our family grandparents are called different names by different people and that’s fine!

Mama would irritate me, I feel like it’s a bit odd for the grandmother to choose that name. I’d probably go with it though for an easy life since the other grandchildren are already using those names.

MIL picked a name from her culture which I recently found actually means mother not grandmother

I'd keep it, but as above, adding something, so it ends up being grand-mama, or mama Karen.

You could suggest you let your DC come up with their own name for them? Ex DP's parents wanted to be called Grandmother and Grandfather and DC ended up calling them Gamma and Gava.