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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to talk to FIL again

74 replies

GingerSweetpea · 14/07/2021 16:36

So I have suffered a lot with anxiety for a few years, it got very bad with c19. We moved house, had a baby and week later went into lockdown. I got so bad I was nearly pyscotic. Gp is aware etc.

Anyway to the point..
Knowing that I am very scared of the virus.
My FIL came to see my kids and give them bday presents. He doesn't believe in c19 or vaccines. He had symptoms of c19 a few days before we saw him but didn't tell us!

We didn't let him in but he kissed my kids without asking!

Next day my dd birthday he rings to tell us he tested positive for c19. We were literally about to take the kids out for some fun after school and had to cancel. Both kids birthdays were ruined as we then had to self isolate.

Personally I think he was being very reckless and selfish.

Me and dp are very angry at him. However I don't want to see him or talk to him agian.
Am I being unreasonable? I'm only jabbed once and have some health issues (not listed as highly vunrable but I don't think I'd cope well if I caught it).

The anxiety he gave me I couldn't eat and had stomach issues due to me being so worried that we had caught it. I couldn't sleep and it affected me badly.

A few months ago he also got this idea in his head that I don't like him which peed me off as I never said anything or did anything to suggest this.

Aibu to not want anything to do with him?

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/07/2021 16:37

Well you don’t like him do you? So it’s not exactly a crazy notion for him to have.

Original poster
GingerSweetpea · 14/07/2021 16:38

Sorry meant to add my toddler was in hospital the few days beforehand because he had high temp and croup

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerSweetpea · 14/07/2021 16:39

He said I didn't like him last year. I did like h until this week when he did that.

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 14/07/2021 16:40

I can understand you being angry that he didn't take his symptoms seriously, and didn't tell you and then kissed the DC. However, Covid is everywhere and I think refusing to ever see him again is a bit of an over-reaction if I'm honest.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/07/2021 16:41

He was wrong but I think for the sake of moving forward you have a lot of anxiety you need to address.

Original poster
GingerSweetpea · 14/07/2021 16:41

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Well you don’t like him do you? So it’s not exactly a crazy notion for him to have.
He said this last year, I had no problem with him until this week.

He doesn't seem to get on with any ladies In the family but I've never judged or got involved.

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerSweetpea · 14/07/2021 16:42

I know we will all get covid at some point but I would like to delay it until I have had my 2nd vaccine

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 14/07/2021 16:43

You're being a bit of both tbh, it's not unreasonable to think he's either selfish or stupid to have not told you he'd symptoms. Not sure though never speaking to him again is totally reasonable tho. Maybe you could get help with your anxiety tho, to stop you over worrying about getting covid. Hopefully you'll all be negative

Original poster
GingerSweetpea · 14/07/2021 16:44

I've seen lots of Dr's about my anxiety, they just give me meds and tell me to get on my way. I've had it for years and years. It comes and goes.

OP posts:
Charmtaste · 14/07/2021 16:45

He was foolish but you obviously don’t like him and you seem to think that the world revolves around your anxieties. You are obviously struggling with your MH. Please get some help instead of thinking others will centre your issues. Your MH is not the responsibility of others.
No one comes off well here.

5foot5 · 14/07/2021 16:46

I can see why you would be annoyed and als exasperated if he is not getting the vaccine etc. But you are over reacting to say you don't want to talk to him again.

Original poster
GingerSweetpea · 14/07/2021 16:50

Okay for the Last time I've spoken to lots of Dr's about my anxiety. This post isn't about my anxiety!

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/07/2021 16:54

I think it is about your anxiety because I bet every area of your life is affected by it.
Not speaking to him again is going to affect your children’s and partner’s life too.

AnneFuckingKirrin · 14/07/2021 16:56

What symptoms of COVID did he have before meeting you ?

jennywasafriendofmrbrightside · 14/07/2021 16:57

Yes you are BU to never want to see him again - it's an overreaction and you need some help with your anxieties around covid which I hope you are getting.

Original poster
GingerSweetpea · 14/07/2021 17:02

@AnneFuckingKirrin

What symptoms of COVID did he have before meeting you ?
Coughing and feeling unwell.
OP posts:
Sleepiebeauty · 14/07/2021 17:03

You are seriously overreacting.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/07/2021 17:03

What made him go and get tested to confirm covid if he doesn’t believe in covid?

RickiTarr · 14/07/2021 17:07

You sound like two extremes. He was much too cavalier, but presumably not malicious. You have health anxiety which has bordered psychosis, so by definition you really aren’t a good judge of what proportionate. I’d certainly sit on it for a while before you instigate a family rift.

What does your DH think?

AnneFuckingKirrin · 14/07/2021 17:08

Ah, I see.
I would be really cross. I completely understand how annoyed you are. We are all self isolating again, my son has COVID.

None of the families in his class are bothered about isolating or stopping the spread when they have symptoms/ positive tests / been in contact with a positive case etc.

I am now missing my Dads 70th, my cousins wedding and my dc are missing their last ever week of primary school.
It is fucking shit.
I think you would be unreasonable to cut contact all together.
Maybe you will see things differently when it’s not all so fresh and raw.

dworky · 14/07/2021 17:13

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Well you don’t like him do you? So it’s not exactly a crazy notion for him to have.
Well he's not easy to like, is he? Arrogant man.
Willyoujustbequiet · 14/07/2021 17:13

Yanbu

He's a selfish twat. I'd tell him exactly how you feel.

Lemonmelonsun · 14/07/2021 17:14

Typical mumsnet op, sometimes I wonder if it's the time of day 🤣🤣.

Pandemic, child who has been sick, a covid denior with symptoms comes around and smothers your dc in kisses, breathing covid over them and it's you who is unreasonable.

Op we've had similar utter selfishness as well from pils...

We see it on threads about newborns.. Fil scratched his bottom, coughed in his hand then stuck his unwashed fingers into the days old new borns mouth and its fiinnnneeee it shows love Confused... The new born needs those crotch and salvia germs you need help op.. You can't always keep your baby safe from germs.

It's selfish, rude, thoughtless behavior.

Scubalubs87 · 14/07/2021 17:14

The thing is OP, and I do mean this kindly, this thread is about your anxiety. You have a right to be annoyed but the extent to which you're angry with FIL is extreme which I would imagine is fuelled by how heightened your anxiety is. It's easier to be frustrated but move on when your you're not in such a heightened state all the time.

I've been told I've got to isolate today due to being a close contact. It means I can't return to work next week from maternity leave and meet my new class of children as planned. It's annoying and frustrating but there's no point in being angry about it nor am I particularly worried about catching it.

Pootles34 · 14/07/2021 17:15

In the gentlest way possible, it is partly about your anxiety.

You are right, he's been a knob, and I'd be really angry in your shoes.

However, he hasn't 'given' you anxiety, no one can do that. Your anxiety is clouding your judgement - and that's not your fault, it's a horrible thing, and you have my sympathies. I think you'd be wise not to cut him out completely, but put a bit of distance in, and let your DH deal with him for a bit, and give yourself a bit of space, as you've enough on your plate as it is.

I hope you all keep well, and things get better soon OP.

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