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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour issues

70 replies

F107 · 14/07/2021 07:24

I know I'm socially seen as unreasonable but I need some help so am here for the traffic.

I'm humble, authentic and have strong morals. I live on a new build estate in a deprived area. The village is a bit rough but I am happy with this as it's similar to my own childhood and I'd rather have the spare cash to spend on my family.

I live next to a group of neighbors who are the complete opposite to myself. They're all late fourties/early fifties and work in low income professions. Although they have a comfortable life they're very uncomfortable with their status. They are desperate for attention and are always trying to steer the conversation in a way where they get to point out to you that their 'middle class'.

I couldn't care less what class they are but their need for social acceptance and approval meant that during the lockdowns this little group would be together in their front garden having street having parties even in freezing temperatures and this was right outside of my house and my daughters bedroom. I was on the shielding list and my daughter is under two so I found their lack of sense of community and willingness to work towards bringing lockdown to an end as quickly as possible incredibly rude.

I completely get that what they get up to is their business and I should just smile and wave when I see them then get on with my life. However, I find their constant need for attention intrusive. As I think they're a bunch of *** I can no longer fake niceties and end up staring at the floor when I see them, say hello through gritted teach or end up freezing snd ignoring them, plus my husband's pointed out that its obvious I am incredibly uncomfotable.

I find the awkwardness overwhelming and now hate leaving the house in case I see them and constantly think about moving although everything else about the house and where I live is ideal.

How do I cope with this? If I could fake the pleasantries I would but it's impossible.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/07/2021 07:27

I’m really not sure to be honest, seems the only thing you hate them for really is having parties at the front of their house, and causing you a disturbance, the comments on social class are quite odd.

If you can’t fake it then you need to continue as is or move.

BettysGotMoxie · 14/07/2021 07:34

I’m humble, authentic and have strong morals

Confused
HomerSimpsonsDonut · 14/07/2021 07:36

They're all late fourties/early fifties and work in low income professions

If they worked in professional jobs with higher incomes OP would you like them a bit more?

You come across as a complete and utter snob.

MagnoliaBeige · 14/07/2021 07:37

You’re giving them way more headspace than I’m sure they’re giving you, I don’t really understand what your problem is with them other than you sound very judgmental, am really not sure why them being in low income professions is relevant in the slightest.

DinosaurDiana · 14/07/2021 07:37

Just smile, say hello and keep moving.
I’ve got a knob for a neighbour, he really is an unpleasant man, so I don’t want to spend any time at all with him. I smile, say hello and keep moving.

Purple21 · 14/07/2021 07:39

Judgemental much Hmm

HarrisMcCoo · 14/07/2021 07:40

Also known as inverse snobbery...

Wilkolampshade · 14/07/2021 07:41

So basically, you think your neighbours are rough and noisy, maybe bit inconsiderate, and they think you're a snob? And this is all dressed up in classism and cod psychology?
I feel for you, I really do, but as neither you or they will be changing anytime soon, I'd either learn to live with it or move.
When you need to go out, draw a big deep breath and breeze on out. This stuff gets easier if you do it more often, honest. Lots of eye contact and a cheery 'hello'.
You don't have to like, or be liked by your neighbours. Neutral is fine.

HarrisMcCoo · 14/07/2021 07:41

My next door neighbours are pricks and I tend to avoid them as much as possible. I only say hello if it's unavoidable.

FAQs · 14/07/2021 07:43

Maybe it’s obvious you’re looking down on them so in response they’re embarrassed about how you make them feel and therefore trying to compensate. You’re not coming across as humble and authentic.

TheQueef · 14/07/2021 07:44

You need to move to a better neighbourhood.
Isolated.
Ideally rural.
And don't buy any binos.
Hmm

AttaGirrrrl · 14/07/2021 07:46

You think they’re presenting their middle classness by having street parties? Um…

Youdiditanyway · 14/07/2021 07:49

Weird post. Not sure why you have pointed out the fact you live in a deprived area, it doesn’t fit with the story at all. Also don’t need the convoluted nonsense about them claiming to be middle class. Your main gripe seems to be the fact they had garden parties during lockdown which was months ago…

HoppingPavlova · 14/07/2021 07:49

Is it middle class to have a street party, seems odd?

Morgan12 · 14/07/2021 07:50

God you sound a right dick

MordredsOrrery · 14/07/2021 07:50

The parties would irritate me if they were past my kids bedtime and taking place often - were they often and late?

You sound very aware of class/status OP, your comments about their age, profession, your village and the estate are quite unusual - could you be making assumptions about them based on your own views? What sort of things do they say that make you think they're bothered about class?

Biancadelrioisback · 14/07/2021 07:52

So you can't bare to look at them because they didn't follow lockdown rules?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I was frustrated by people ignoring the rules too, but not to the point I can't look at them...

TheSunShinesBrighter · 14/07/2021 07:52

I live next to a group of neighbors who are the complete opposite to myself.
They're all late fourties/early fifties and work in low income professions.

Are you a high earner in comparison?

Although they have a comfortable life they're very uncomfortable with their status
They are desperate for attention and are always trying to steer the conversation in a way where they get to point out to you that their 'middle class'.

Many many people who do not have a lot do this. Whether it is through the accumulation of expensive possessions, designer clothes, holidays or cars. Or simply just status bragging.
Wealth (or rather the illusion of wealth) is desirable and very very important to many people who have little.
Unless you have been in their position you might not fully understand where this comes from but open your eyes OP. Why do YOU think very ordinary people need to be seen or recognised as successful, wealthy (or ‘middle class’)

I couldn't care less what class they are but their need for social acceptance and approval meant that during the lockdowns this little group would be together in their front garden having street having parties even in freezing temperatures and this was right outside of my house and my daughters bedroom.
You feel their choices impacted on you and resent them for it?
This is understandable.
I would just smile and wave through gritted teeth. Just as you would with a colleague you don’t respect. You don’t have to like them or agree with them.
Keep your distance and remain polite.

Notcontent · 14/07/2021 07:53

I am not sure what you mean by authentic... But, getting back to your neighbours, you do say the village is a bit rough - so I guess that’s the answer....

pinkcircustop · 14/07/2021 07:58

I very much doubt your “strong morals” and “authenticity” when you’re so judgemental, rude and childish.

bigbluebus · 14/07/2021 08:00

Crikey. Isn't that just called having neighbours, no matter where you live. During lockdown we know of plenty of people who had gatherings against the rules - not immediate neighbours but near enough for us to hear and recognise who was there. They weren't attention seeking - they were doing it because they're typical selfish Toriesthey think the rules didn't apply to them and didn't want their social lives disrupted. The only way to avoid this is to move somewhere with no neighbours.

OhWhyDidTheyDoIt · 14/07/2021 08:03

Did they not invite you to the parties? Is that your problem?

TheSunShinesBrighter · 14/07/2021 08:04

I'm humble, authentic and have strong morals.

I struggle when people label themselves in this way. They are often seen by others as the complete opposite.

sandgrown · 14/07/2021 08:05

I have recently moved back to where I used to live 20 years ago. The neighbours have almost all changed. It’s a cul de sac with oldies like me at either end and families with children in the middle. The children all play in the street which is fairly safe but we still have to drive down it to get home . The parents all choose to sit in their front gardens despite having decent size back gardens but they don’t watch the children who just run into the road. Their toys scooters bikes etc are left in the street so I sometimes have to move them to turn the car round. One guy from my side seems to be having a relationship with a woman from the other side so they put the kids in bed and seem to meet in the street . Drinks on top of their cars etc. I have to regularly walk past with the dog so I just say a cheery hello. One of the small children has decided I am his new BFF and always wants to chat which is quite sweet I guess .

TheSunShinesBrighter · 14/07/2021 08:05

What does ‘authentic’ mean anyway?