Neighbour issues

[F107]

I know I'm socially seen as unreasonable but I need some help so am here for the traffic.

I'm humble, authentic and have strong morals. I live on a new build estate in a deprived area. The village is a bit rough but I am happy with this as it's similar to my own childhood and I'd rather have the spare cash to spend on my family.

I live next to a group of neighbors who are the complete opposite to myself. They're all late fourties/early fifties and work in low income professions. Although they have a comfortable life they're very uncomfortable with their status. They are desperate for attention and are always trying to steer the conversation in a way where they get to point out to you that their 'middle class'.

I couldn't care less what class they are but their need for social acceptance and approval meant that during the lockdowns this little group would be together in their front garden having street having parties even in freezing temperatures and this was right outside of my house and my daughters bedroom. I was on the shielding list and my daughter is under two so I found their lack of sense of community and willingness to work towards bringing lockdown to an end as quickly as possible incredibly rude.

I completely get that what they get up to is their business and I should just smile and wave when I see them then get on with my life. However, I find their constant need for attention intrusive. As I think they're a bunch of *** I can no longer fake niceties and end up staring at the floor when I see them, say hello through gritted teach or end up freezing snd ignoring them, plus my husband's pointed out that its obvious I am incredibly uncomfotable.

I find the awkwardness overwhelming and now hate leaving the house in case I see them and constantly think about moving although everything else about the house and where I live is ideal.

How do I cope with this? If I could fake the pleasantries I would but it's impossible.

When they had these parties did you speak to them and ask them to stop holding them outside your bedroom? Being unable to look at them because they had parties over covid is a bit extreme? Are you always this intense?

Ah ok...

An authentic person is defined as someone who isn't afraid to be true to who they are, including their personality, values, and principles in life. They don't bother compromising the entirety of who they are just for the comfort of others.

I think that describes your neighbours quite nicely! 🤣
They are living life the way they want to live it and it’s not your way!

Sorry to say, but you are the problem, not them.

Take a good hard look at yourself before you try and put the blame on and judge your neighbours!

Sounds like the issue is all yours to be honest.

When you say "having parties" do you mean sitting in deck chairs a couple of metres apart having a chat and a drink? That's what we did in our street during last lockdown, and quite frankly it was the one thing that kept us sane and something we all looked forward to! Maybe they have their own problems/MH issues you don't know about, but you might if you gave them the time of day and got to know them!

What does your ‘humility and authenticity’ and their perceived income levels have to do with anything?!

You’re the problem.

Honestly it’s a very odd post op. It’s quietly bigging youtself up to be socially superior to them because of their professions and social status. It feels like you’re not comfortable with where you live and feel you’re better than that. Which is th root cause of your issues.

If there was genuinely a noise issue of course that’s annoying, but past that the rest of the post is really odd and snobby.

You lost me when you described yourself as authentic.

No one has to like their neighbours. I can't stand mine and am looking forward to moving soon. If you are finding yours intolerable you'll need to move too but bear in mind that living on an estate you're always going to be in close proximity to others. It's why I'm going rural 😊

I mean being annoyed about noisy street parities is perfectly reasonable, but your self-aggrandising social commentary makes you sound snobby and unkind.

You don't sound humble and authentic at all.

Firstly, you have a very strange way with words.

Secondly, you’re attacking these people for being ‘uncomfortable with their status’ and are coming across as hugely judgmental about them. Is this inverse snobbery?

Thirdly, what have they actually done wrong?

I can’t figure it out, you think they’re common and so should act accordingly? Surely, gathering outside the front of one’s home is ‘common’?

I imagine the way you freeze and gawp at your feet when you see them gives them lots to laugh about.

Weirdest post I’ve read for a while.

You sound like Lady of the Manor
Deprived area, rough village and there's you in the middle of it all being all humble and authentic!
Why can't you just smile and say hello to the middle class wannabe neighbours?
You don't need to be best mates with them but it costs nothing to be pleasant.

I'd love to hear what they would say about you! You sound like a snob OP

I'm dead 🤣
Humble and authentic is the new snapped and farted.

It isn’t a middle class thing to have parties in front of the house as far as I’m aware? How is the class thing relevant to the story?

Oh dear 🤣

I’m humble, authentic and have strong morals

Well done you. I wish more humble people would shout about how great they are.

I clicked on this because I have issues with my next door neighbour and was prepared to offer commiserations, but I don't see the problem here. When you live close to people you have to have a certain tolerance for other people living their lives sometimes they can be a bit loud but once they don't make a habit of it, it's often not worth making a fuss.

I do not say hello to my next door neighbour because he has previously screamed threats at me and I have been advised not to engage, not because I've tied myself in knots over perceptions of class differences. If you haven't actually fallen out you're probably just making yourself appear weird to them if you won't nod or mouth hi when you pass each other on the street.

what a load of waffle

Your neighbours have been noisy and having parties outside disturbing you. Ok, that's annoying.

The rest of your post is pompous. Don't bother with pleasantries to your neighbours, don't say anything. "It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

One of the many things I don't get, is why you think their parties demonstrate a need for approval.

Blimey your poor neighbours

Weird post. Why do you care?

You may be authentic, have good morals etc.

But your post suggests that your behaviours might be coming across to your neighbours as intolerant, judgmental, prejudiced, snobbish, unfriendly, self important and with a superiority complex.

Its my past experiences that is making the challenges I have with my neighbours into a huge issue

My eye contact goes as I'm autistic. I’m fine with people I’m comfortable with but as I’m not comfortable around this group I hate how socially awkward I come across
One of the reasons I’m coming across as judgement is due to how similar people have treated me in the past. For example,

My mum grew up on a very rough council estate. My dads parents also grew up on a council estate too but then my GF went into a middle management position and some would say they became snobs . They refused to go to my parents wedding as they thought they thought my mum was too rough, took my cousins on holiday but excluded us etc. Yet, myself and my sisters were the only ones to go onto uni etc

I’ve spent a of of my career working in universities where my colleagues would often snide comments about my working class background.

This past trauma has left me with a chip on my shoulder about ‘hyacinths’ and I am aware of that.

The lockdown parties involved flood lights, bbqs, lots of quests - these happened regularly. I didn’t fully shield but only went out at quiet times and these left me as a prisoner in my own home. I left them to it as I’m conscious that what they get up to isn’t any of my business, plus I didn’t think it was worth the future awkwardness, especially as my parcels often end up at their house.

I experienced severe selective mutism until the age of 16 but have overcome that and have spent much of my career teaching groups and delivering presentations to large audiences. I hate how these neighbours make me shrink within myself.

I’m also conscious that my social differences have usually been met with hostility and these neighbours often make derogatory comments about others, so its likely they speak about me in the same way.

I just want to be able to fake the social niceties, feel comfortable walking down my street/getting into my car and not to feel so incredibly stressed after the interactions I have with these neighbours but I haven’t been able to find how to achieve this yet, which is why I’m interested in other people’s experiences.

I just want to be able to fake the social niceties, feel comfortable walking down my street/getting into my car and not to feel so incredibly stressed after the interactions I have with these neighbours but I haven’t been able to find how to achieve this yet, which is why I’m interested in other people’s experiences.

That's pretty much part of being autistic. I'm not sure what the neighbours have to do with this.

You really aren't better than them, so stop sitting around thinking that you are. I'm sure many of them know how to correctly use the word myself, because you've used it wrongly every time (you've actually used it in the way many poorly educated people use it when they're trying to show that they're better than than, and they just end up looking stupid because of how wrong they are. Arent you accusing them of trying to act better than they are? Irony) I'm sure they also know the difference between their and they're, unlike you.

See? It isn't so nice to he judged, yet that's all you're doing to them despite pretending to be humble and all things nice. Look inwards before you start commenting on others because you don't come across as being any of the words you've used to describe yourself.