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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call in social services?

62 replies

HoneyRoasted · 14/07/2021 01:11

I try not to get involved with other people's business whenever possible. But I've recently become concerned about a local family. I work in a community centre and a woman started visiting recently. We got talking (our kids are a similar age) and she invited me back to her house.

Her son is 11 and has Autism. He doesn't attend school (she home schools him supposedly). I hadn't met him until I went to the house. Upon talking to him, he mentioned he hadn't left the house since Easter (at all). The house was a mess. There was bags of smelly rubbish piled up in the kitchen. No cooker (they live on Microwave meals) no washing machine. Mess, flies and filth everywhere.. You get the picture Sad

I offered to do the washing for her and the clothes she sent for her son were full of holes, some items were clearly too small (think 7-8 for a normal sized 11 year old). I mentioned this to her on returning them and she didn't seem to care. Whenever I've been to the house she just acts like it's normal to live like that.

What will social services do if I report them? Will they take the son away? Sad

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 14/07/2021 01:13

I've recently become concerned about a local family.

You did the right thing OP.

Social Services will help them 🌸

SemperIdem · 14/07/2021 01:16

Social services will put measures in place to help them. Regardless of the popular theory the SS remove children for no reason, it’s quite the opposite, they do everything possible to keep children with their parents. You have done the right thing, I understand that doing the right thing doesn’t always feel great.

alexdgr8 · 14/07/2021 01:17

sounds like she needs some help.
i would give them a ring.
i think the threshold for removing a child is quite high; they would try to engage her co-operation first to improve the situation for the boy.

FlippertyFlip80 · 14/07/2021 01:19

I would say don't judge. Unless you have an autistic child, you have no idea how hard it is. Many, many autistic people struggle to leave the safety of their home.

The too small clothes thing could be because of sensory issues. Many autistic people like things to be the same so buying new clothes is tricky. Plus it may be hard to wear clothes with seams.

Give it a few months if you're able to help and see how things are then. The dirt is a concern but some of the other stuff is the norm for autistic people.

FuckUcuntychops · 14/07/2021 01:23

They will hopefully do a family assessment and depending on the outcome of that it could mean support for the mum to sort the house out and keep it clean, help her sort clothes for the child etc, help her access services, benefits and such.
If the assessment outcome is poor it could mean further action where if the mother doesn’t prove she can adequately care for her child she may eventually lose him but that would likely be a long, long way down the line and she’d need to be consistently not meeting his needs despite support being in place. I know of a family who lived in squalor off and on for years, never kept up with the child’s medical appointments, constant reports of screaming and shouting coming from the home. The child was never removed, they were in fact stepped down from CP plan during this time. It depends on your local borough children’s services and how stretched they are really.

Peoniesandpeaches · 14/07/2021 01:47

Did you not have safeguarding training when you started? Informing social work is absolutely the right thing to do and in fact the only thing you can do if you have concerns. It’s not your job to investigate these concerns (after all you won’t be able to access the information that they will) or to sit on them, as someone ridiculously suggested.
Social work always try to keep family’s together wherever possible but ultimately if that doesn’t happen it isn’t your fault. It is a decision taken by a team of social workers, legal experts and a judge and it would be down to her actions. If your right then you save a child from neglect and possible abuse giving them the potential to achieve. If your concerns are unfounded then mum gets some offers of support and you can sleep soundly.

FuckUcuntychops · 14/07/2021 01:49

Didn’t read it properly you she’s a service user where you work? It’s not appropriate for you to be seeking a friendship with this woman. It crosses professional boundaries.

Greygreenblue · 14/07/2021 01:54

Yes contact social services. If it is sensory/ related to the autism they will quickly work that out. If the mother is overwhelmed with the kid she needs help. They can do that

QueenBee52 · 14/07/2021 02:03

@FuckUcuntychops

Didn’t read it properly you she’s a service user where you work? It’s not appropriate for you to be seeking a friendship with this woman. It crosses professional boundaries.

She has done the right thing for a family that need help.

MitzyMooo · 14/07/2021 02:07

So you work in a children's centre doing home visits yet come on here to ask if you should contact SS?

FuckUcuntychops · 14/07/2021 02:12

@QueenBee52
She hasn’t done anything yet she’s asking if she should report and what might happen
If she does.
It would be great if those of us who work in community/children’s centres could see inside every home to check all is well but that should only be done in a professional capacity and for good reason.
If I became friends with a mum who uses my centre and did her washing and casually went to her house for social visits I’d be in lot of trouble.

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 14/07/2021 02:24

He doesn't attend school (she home schools him supposedly)

This sounds as though you think she isn't providing an appropriate education. Can you expand on this? Have you seen any home ed in action? Can I ask in what capacity the woman was visiting the community centre?

You've visited the house several times - what are your observations on her interaction with her son?

QueenBee52 · 14/07/2021 02:25

[quote FuckUcuntychops]@QueenBee52
She hasn’t done anything yet she’s asking if she should report and what might happen
If she does.
It would be great if those of us who work in community/children’s centres could see inside every home to check all is well but that should only be done in a professional capacity and for good reason.
If I became friends with a mum who uses my centre and did her washing and casually went to her house for social visits I’d be in lot of trouble.[/quote]

She didn't know they needed help until she was invited round to their home.

She needs to report this to Social Services, and get them the help they are entitled to and the support they need.

Micemakingclothes · 14/07/2021 02:48

Give them a call.

Kids with autism sometimes get very attached to particular clothing item and don’t mind if they are snug or frayed so I wouldn’t worry about that, but the rest is concerning.

Social Services is supposed to be there to support families and get them access to services. Removing children is supposed to be a last resort. Obviously, the system doesn’t always work as designed, so I understand your hesitation, but at the end of the day I think it’s almost always better to call than not if your instincts are telling you something is wrong.

MoonlightWanderer · 14/07/2021 03:28

I’m also very uncomfortable about this. The woman will most likely guess that you reported her and she will probably no longer feel comfortable to attend the community center which may be an important resource for her. I agree that you seem to have little understanding about autism and the challenges parents of autistic children face. I think the OP has behaved very unprofessionally here. Surely, the sensible option would be to discuss things with someone senior at work not post on a public forum?

sazza76 · 14/07/2021 03:48

Absolutely give Childrens Services a call, as others have said they are the best people to support the family. You may find that they are already aware of them but it’s better that 10 people call than they slip through unnoticed.
You need to be putting in boundries for yourself, there are good reasons that professional boundries exist. With the best will in the world there is only so much you can do and social services have the knowledge and contacts to best support.

QueenBee52 · 14/07/2021 03:51

@MoonlightWanderer

I’m also very uncomfortable about this. The woman will most likely guess that you reported her and she will probably no longer feel comfortable to attend the community center which may be an important resource for her. I agree that you seem to have little understanding about autism and the challenges parents of autistic children face. I think the OP has behaved very unprofessionally here. Surely, the sensible option would be to discuss things with someone senior at work not post on a public forum?
So because it makes you feel uncomfortable ..you would rather let this family suffer in silence and your only concern is that OP is anonymously posting on a public forum... I despair I really do..
Peoniesandpeaches · 14/07/2021 05:05

@MoonlightWanderer

I’m also very uncomfortable about this. The woman will most likely guess that you reported her and she will probably no longer feel comfortable to attend the community center which may be an important resource for her. I agree that you seem to have little understanding about autism and the challenges parents of autistic children face. I think the OP has behaved very unprofessionally here. Surely, the sensible option would be to discuss things with someone senior at work not post on a public forum?
I’m uncomfortable she posted here too but safeguarding concerns can’t be ignored out of fear the mum won’t engage. I also don’t think these concerns can all be brushed away because the child is autistic. It’s certainly not normal to have no cooker or washing machine. That coupled with the fly infestation and mess warrants a call.
MoonlightWanderer · 14/07/2021 05:52

So, let me get this right, my advice of talking to someone senior at work to find out the protocol of how to deal with this is bad advice, but posting potentially identifiable details about a service-user and potentially vulnerable family on a public forum is the way to go? Yeah, I can see why you despair. 🙄

toolazytothinkofausername · 14/07/2021 05:59

The charity Family Fund can give vouchers for home electronics, such as a washing machine.

Does her son get DLA? If not, she could apply then hire a cleaner.

With Autism it's so easy to get into a rut and not know how to get out of it.

Arrange a CAF meeting at the centre to plan next steps, such as getting an ehcp for the boy, and support for the mum.

I know if someone called SS on me I'd never go to the centre again.

toolazytothinkofausername · 14/07/2021 06:02

The boy should be entitled to respite hours.

Get the boy to go to an autism friendly social club, so the mum can have some time to herself and do some housework.

purdypuma · 14/07/2021 06:38

Definately make contact with social services & make them aware of your concerns re home environment, lack of cooker & washing machine etc.
However,if you work in a community centre then this should be basic knowledge & you most definately should not be visiting service users in their own homes. It crosses professional boundaries & you may well have ended up destroying trust that you've built up with her which would be useful in helping her.

Spikeyball · 14/07/2021 06:45

An interesting first post.

I must say I am suprised you accepted an invitation back to her house but if you have concerns about a child then contact social services.

Spikeyball · 14/07/2021 06:48

I'm suprised you weren't told that as a volunteer, you shouldn't be going back to people's houses.

QueenBee52 · 14/07/2021 07:18

@MoonlightWanderer

So, let me get this right, my advice of talking to someone senior at work to find out the protocol of how to deal with this is bad advice, but posting potentially identifiable details about a service-user and potentially vulnerable family on a public forum is the way to go? Yeah, I can see why you despair. 🙄

OP did the right thing.. You are appalling