To call in social services?

[HoneyRoasted]

I try not to get involved with other people's business whenever possible. But I've recently become concerned about a local family. I work in a community centre and a woman started visiting recently. We got talking (our kids are a similar age) and she invited me back to her house.

Her son is 11 and has Autism. He doesn't attend school (she home schools him supposedly). I hadn't met him until I went to the house. Upon talking to him, he mentioned he hadn't left the house since Easter (at all). The house was a mess. There was bags of smelly rubbish piled up in the kitchen. No cooker (they live on Microwave meals) no washing machine. Mess, flies and filth everywhere.. You get the picture

I offered to do the washing for her and the clothes she sent for her son were full of holes, some items were clearly too small (think 7-8 for a normal sized 11 year old). I mentioned this to her on returning them and she didn't seem to care. Whenever I've been to the house she just acts like it's normal to live like that.

What will social services do if I report them? Will they take the son away?

Thanks for reading

@whatisthisinhere has hit the nail on the head. Parents of NT kids have no idea if the different life we have to lead when you live with an autistic person.

It is utterly exhausting juggling your autistic child's needs plus trying to work, run a home etc. When you have tweens that still need you to be up in the night with them several times as if you have a newborn, have unusual rituals, you battle for days to get them to wash, chew holes in their clothes, refuse to leave the house, will only eat certain (beige) foods. One of my autistic children has this ritual where they they have to throw food on the floor along with anything else they've touched. Every day, after I've finished work, I walk into their room (the only room in the house that they will live in) and clear up the floor that is completely covered with clothes, food, books, toys etc. It's like Groundhog Day. Less than 24 hours later it's back to how it was. Said child can't cope with clearing it up themselves. Won't let you brush their hair or cut their nails but won't do it for themselves either so you have to pick your moments. Chew their hair every day do it looks like a matted mess an hour after you've washed and brushed it. My child is on ADs, seen by CAMHS and is too unwell to currently do any schooling. The psychiatrist has no safeguarding concerns and sees it for what it is...an autistic child struggling to cope with NT expectations.

To an outsider looking in that may look like neglect. SS (and parents if NT kids) could see it very simplistically and say "just tell them to brush their hair, clear up the mess etc" or punish them for not following the rules. None of that works with my autistic child.

And, yes, we're entitled to respite but it doesn't mean we get it. Our respite is sending the kids to a club which they absolutely hate and refuse to go to.

If I want carers to look after them at home I'd have to get SS involved. Last time I asked them to assess for carers they said we didn't meet the threshold.

Given that we're currently going to court twice in the next few months to get my kids the provision they need another fight to get respite is one fight too much.

I've had time alone to myself to do as I please (like a night out with friends or a trip to the cinema) for a total of about 20 hours in the last 7 months. Literally, no chilling in front of the TV of an evening, no going for a walk to clear my head, no relaxing in the bath etc etc

@FlippertyFlip80 none of that means your house has to stink with "mess, filth, flies" everywhere. That's a sign of someone considerably beyond the end of their tether.

You shouldn't be going to her house. Yes call social services and very unlikely her son will be removed. ( extremely hard to get children removed actually) They can help her through.
If you work in a center you should be aware of all this though.

@FlippertyFlip80

I would say don't judge. Unless you have an autistic child, you have no idea how hard it is. Many, many autistic people struggle to leave the safety of their home.

The too small clothes thing could be because of sensory issues. Many autistic people like things to be the same so buying new clothes is tricky. Plus it may be hard to wear clothes with seams.

Give it a few months if you're able to help and see how things are then. The dirt is a concern but some of the other stuff is the norm for autistic people.

This is not your judgement to make. It's "not judging" that causes safeguarding to break down. Refer anyway and let the experts establish what is and isn't a "real" concern.

And as a parent of a young adult autistic soap dodger - some things are red lines. Most parents of autistic children manage to find a way that their child is dressed in clothing that isn't dirty, threadbare and too small.

@OrangeSamphire

I’d love to be able to say you are doing the right thing by raising a concern with SS.

But typically their modus operandi with families who have autistic children, particularly the ones who’ve no choice but to home educate because state education has let them down, is to investigate like the Spanish Inquisition, make ill informed assumptions and then provide no help at all.

Or worse, start child protection proceedings that leave the whole family traumatised.

Kinder perhaps to keep finding ways for her and her son to join in with what’s happening in their community.

If she is parenting alone she may be totally exhausted and maybe depressed. SS are bound to make this worse.

I don't know where you live, OP, but children's services where I am are nothing like this.

They have a very supportive approach to families that are struggling and have, without a doubt, immeasurably improved the lives of some families I have worked with.

Social services are there to support families. Removal is something the courts do if families don't take the advice of professionals.

It completely depends what your profession is.
From the way you've written your OP it doesn't sound like you've had any training or experience with safeguarding children and families.

You either need to follow your organisations safeguarding policy or call it in to social care yourself.

People saying it doesn't warrant a phone call at a minimum are incorrect. Doesn't matter that he has autism, autism doesn't mean no neglect can happen. For what it's worth OP, I work in this sector and would 100% be calling it in. I would be concerned about him. Mainly due to the home conditions.

They won't remove him! That's not how it works at all. Sounds like they just need an assessment and a bit of support.

But she is judging. "She home schools him **supposedly"

A non judgemental comment would be "he is home schooled".

I would ask her what support she needs and suggest she gets a cooker/washing machine by putting a shout out on FB or via a charity.

"To get respite you have to be able to fight to get it, and it sounds like this mum can't. It's not as easy as they have autism / LD/ anything else etc and you get help."

And in fact LA have no legal duty to provide respite to any particular individual on the basis of disability. Education has to (legally) be provided but respite doesn't.

I am a Safeguarding Lead in a school. It's worrying that you work in a role that inevitably brings you into contact with vulnerable individuals and families but don't seem to have had any basic Safeguarding training. The circumstances you describe warrant a referral to Children's Services, without a doubt. This isn't about judgement, your job isn't to investigate or analyse the possible reasons for the home conditions you have seen. Your job is simply to report your concerns, you have an obligation to do this which should have been clearly explained to you when you started this role. It is not something you can choose to ignore.

Are home visits part of your role? If not then you need to refrain from making social visits to the homes of families who use your service. Again, this should have been explained to you when you started working at the centre. It does not sound like you have been given enough support, you need to book in some time with your manager to discuss this.

It's important to keep in mind that in the majority of cases, neglect is not deliberate. This Mum may well adore her DC and be doing her absolute best to care for them, but that doesn't mean they're not at risk. When professionals or members of the public fail to report Safeguarding concerns because they feel sorry for the parents, or they don't want to interfere, or they decide to "give it a few weeks/months" and then see if things improve or they assume "someone else has probably reported it" then tragic and entirely preventable things can and do happen to children.