Page 2 | To call in social services?

wherethewildthingis · 14/07/2021 07:34

You do need to speak to someone senior to you at work about this, are they aware that you've struck up a friendship with this person? As a professional if you have safeguarding concerns you should be discussing those openly with the parent before you make a referral to social care. You've complicated things here because you've got access to information - about the state of the house - that you would not have had if you had stuck to the boundaries of your role.
In any case if this woman is your friend, you should speak to her openly about the house and how worried you are and ask what support she needs.
But it's going to be difficult to have that conversation now because of the professional boundary issues. You need to tell someone at work and expect that you'll be challenged about your own behaviour here.
The most important thing though is the child who needs to be supported and so you do have to tackle this. Speak to your manager about it.

Solidaritea · 14/07/2021 07:34

@HoneyRoasted

I try not to get involved with other people's business whenever possible. But I've recently become concerned about a local family. I work in a community centre and a woman started visiting recently. We got talking (our kids are a similar age) and she invited me back to her house.

Her son is 11 and has Autism. He doesn't attend school (she home schools him supposedly). I hadn't met him until I went to the house. Upon talking to him, he mentioned he hadn't left the house since Easter (at all). The house was a mess. There was bags of smelly rubbish piled up in the kitchen. No cooker (they live on Microwave meals) no washing machine. Mess, flies and filth everywhere.. You get the picture

I offered to do the washing for her and the clothes she sent for her son were full of holes, some items were clearly too small (think 7-8 for a normal sized 11 year old). I mentioned this to her on returning them and she didn't seem to care. Whenever I've been to the house she just acts like it's normal to live like that.

What will social services do if I report them? Will they take the son away?

Thanks for reading

You do need to tell SS about the concern. Several parts of what you said meet the threshold for intervention, although the key one is actually the believed lack of education.

You should have received safeguarding training through your role and know :

How to report
Whether it appropriate for you to accept social visits to service user's houses (may or may not be)
when to report
not to post details on a public forum

If you didn't, you should report to the safeguarding lead or your line manager at the community centre. They should be able to deal with the safeguarding concern about this child and also sort out your training so you know what to do in future. If you do report at the community center and it isn't dealt with, report directly to your local children's services.

You should ask to have the OP deleted.

Eviethyme · 14/07/2021 07:38

Yes call SS they are there to help, she does sound like she's struggling but it's not right to live in those conditions

Imnothereforthedrama · 14/07/2021 07:46

@toolazytothinkofausername

The boy should be entitled to respite hours.

Get the boy to go to an autism friendly social club, so the mum can have some time to herself and do some housework.

Yes this she needs support, raise your concerns . She won’t get in trouble they will help her .

Spikeyball · 14/07/2021 08:13

"The boy should be entitled to respite hours."

Respite hours are not automatic. If this child is able at 11 to apparently be left alone in a house whilst the mum goes to a community centre, he probably wouldn't qualify.

LakieLady · 14/07/2021 08:22

Definitely report your concerns OP. This mother is plainly struggling, and she needs support.

Children & Families Services are the people best placed to deliver that support and taking children away is the last resort.

And for those having a go at you for possibly transgressing professional boundaries, isn't it better that this has come to the attention of someone who can help this family get the help they need than to have them continue to struggle?

tiredwardsister · 14/07/2021 08:41

"*You should have received safeguarding training through your role and know :

How to report
Whether it appropriate for you to accept social visits to service user's houses (may or may not be)
when to report
not to post details on a public forum

If you didn't, you should report to the safeguarding lead or your line manager at the community centre. They should be able to deal with the safeguarding concern about this child and also sort out your training so you know what to do in future. If you do report at the community center and it isn't dealt with, report directly to your local children's services.

You should ask to have the OP deleted"*
^^This.
Your organisation should have a safe guarding lead who you should take this too ASAP. to discuss your concerns. If she agrees that this needs to be taken further which I'm sure she will your LA will have detailed form that need needs to be completed, part of ours requires us to tell the parents that a referral is being made only if the family are a flight risk or at risk of DV do we not have to do this. Secondly forget the family may already be known to SS hopefully your safe guarding lead will know this.
You have overstepped the boundary between professional/worker and friend and you need to hand this over to someone else and also get some decent training.

tiredwardsister · 14/07/2021 08:47

"And for those having a go at you for possibly transgressing professional boundaries, isn't it better that this has come to the attention of someone who can help this family get the help they need than to have them continue to struggle?"
The OP is right to draw it to someones attention but the question is should she have befriended the person in the first place?
Despite living a reasonable distance from my hospital I still sometimes see patients and families when going about my day to day life as we have a large catchment area I always find it slightly awkward but accept its inevitable. But in this case the actively OP befriended the family having met them through work I think that crosses professional boundaries.

CharlieSocial · 14/07/2021 08:54

Fffs you have no idea about autism. My daughter has old worn out small clothes because they are the only ones she can bear wearing

ChainJane · 14/07/2021 08:57

The OP was wrong to have befriended the woman and definitely wrong to have gone back to her house and done her washing.

The cat's out of the bag now though so she shouldn't necessarily ignore the situation. She's better off speaking to someone senior to her at the community centre and admitting what she's done. The senior person should then be able to decide what action is needed, if any (both for the OP and the question of whether the SS should be called in).

It's very much like invading Iraq and overthrowing Saddam Hussein. The reason for being there is questionable but the outcome might be for the best.

tiredwardsister · 14/07/2021 09:00

"What will social services do if I report them? Will they take the son away?"
The fact that the OP asks this question implies that she has had little or no training and or experience of these type of issues.

Porcupineintherough · 14/07/2021 09:08

@CharlieSocial

Fffs you have no idea about autism. My daughter has old worn out small clothes because they are the only ones she can bear wearing

Yes, that's one possible explanation. A other is that his mum hasn't got clothes of an appropriate size for him (for whatever reason). Autistic children can be neglected too, it's not necessarily one or the other. That's why it's best to call SS.

Tal45 · 14/07/2021 09:46

Do you have someone above you at work that you could speak to? That's what I would do.

Eatingsoupwithafork · 14/07/2021 09:50

I’d report it. When growing up my siblings and I lived in terrible circumstances and no one reported it and it went on for years. My DM didn’t get the help she needed and we didn’t get the help or support we needed. Best thing that ever happened to us was when a neighbour called social services and we got taken into care. Too many people turn a blind eye due to being polite or not wanting to get involved.

starrynight87 · 14/07/2021 10:07

I would go through your volunteer place's safeguarding policy.

MarianneUnfaithful · 14/07/2021 10:08

Do you have a supervisor, manager or Safeguarding person at the community centre?

As you came into this contact via your job I think talking to them would be a good start.

Dontdripme · 14/07/2021 10:13

I think ss is the way to go, hopefully they will get help especially the child.

A few things, that may or may not be due to ASD

Not going out, may refuse, find it too much
Homeschool, may have found school too much, not given right support
Holes in clothes, common for ASD children to bite through clothes

BastardMonkfish · 14/07/2021 10:14

Yes speak to safeguarding lead in the community centre OP.

Noterook · 14/07/2021 11:32

Everything else aside, I think a lot of people think social services are the bad guys who should just be called in extreme circumstances, but they can offer support if someone would benefit from it. In this case it doesn't mean they'd go and tell the parents off, but instead perhaps they can signpost to some support.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 14/07/2021 13:41

I'm a bit confused about people describing the mother as a service user and talking about the OP having had safeguarding training and overstepping professional boundaries. I think I must have misunderstood what a community centre is. I thought it was just a building which organisations, or individuals can hire a room or room in in order to do an activity or hold an event. It could be anything from blood donor sessions to yoga classes to social support activities. I didn’t think the community centre itself would employ the people who are running the activities. Unless we know what activity or event to OP is running or contributing to, how do we know they have had safeguarding training, or that they have overstepped professional boundaries?

OrangeSamphire · 14/07/2021 13:48

I’d love to be able to say you are doing the right thing by raising a concern with SS.

But typically their modus operandi with families who have autistic children, particularly the ones who’ve no choice but to home educate because state education has let them down, is to investigate like the Spanish Inquisition, make ill informed assumptions and then provide no help at all.

Or worse, start child protection proceedings that leave the whole family traumatised.

Kinder perhaps to keep finding ways for her and her son to join in with what’s happening in their community.

If she is parenting alone she may be totally exhausted and maybe depressed. SS are bound to make this worse.

whatisthisinhere · 14/07/2021 13:59

Instead of reporting her, can you not ask her if she gets any respite services. I have autistic children, my life is chaotic compared to the parents of NT children (I only realise this when I get a peek of their lives), and if you came to my house right now, you'd see:
My yds (self isolating) pacing around while eating alpha bites in clothes that are too big,
Bits of rubbish placed next to the kitchen bin by ds1 (18) because he has anxiety around touching the bin,
Floor not vacuumed because yds is home and can't stand the noise,
I have dinner prepped, packed lunches for tomorrow done, dishwasher emptied, and washing machine on.
Plus my 18 year old refused to leave the house for years, months at a time, and was homeschooled from 7 till 11, when I finally managed to get him into a school, a lot of hiccups, but he's now awaiting A level results.
My life is hard, I have few friends, don't go anywhere, except my garden and essential trips, and there is always someone waiting to make it all worse.
Luckily my children's disability social worker is a (rare) gem.
I hope your "friend" has someone in her corner

whatisthisinhere · 14/07/2021 14:01

She trusted you, let you into her home, and all you do is judge.
This is why no one gets invited in to my home

whatisthisinhere · 14/07/2021 14:02

And I'm a single parent, and my ex and his family love to call SS on me

notapizzaeater · 14/07/2021 14:10

@toolazytothinkofausername

The boy should be entitled to respite hours.

Get the boy to go to an autism friendly social club, so the mum can have some time to herself and do some housework.

Ha !

To get respite you have to be able to fight to get it, and it sounds like this mum can't. It's not as easy as they have autism / LD/ anything else etc and you get help.